Son coming home "not exactly Shomer Shabbos"

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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Motek

Sun, Apr 02 2006, 3:58 pm

sorry, I don't think it's all petty but highly significant!

do you really think it's immaterial whether an 18 year old has dropped Yiddishkeit within the last 6 months or 3 years or whether he has been a problem practially his entire life? shock

shayna82

Sun, Apr 02 2006, 4:00 pm

no one ever said it was "inmaterial" but you and others are totaly missing what is obvious to me. he is a TEENAGER. dont tell me that at the age of 9 he decided that he didnt want to keep shabbos. maybe he didnt understand totaly why its so special, and whatever. im sure sarag can say that the shabbos thing only started after 16-17. its a teenage thing .

Motek

Sun, Apr 02 2006, 4:09 pm

I hear you and I disagree.

but that's okay Smile

shayna82

Sun, Apr 02 2006, 4:13 pm

good!!!!!

ektsm

Sun, Apr 02 2006, 4:37 pm

I agree with Hardworkingmom it's a stage. He is eighteen and very immature..hasn't really experianced life yet. Just keep showing him frumkeit and lots of love and IY"H he will change with time!

hardwrknmom

Sun, Apr 02 2006, 7:00 pm

ektsm wrote:

I agree with Hardworkingmom it's a stage. He is eighteen and very immature..hasn't really experianced life yet. Just keep showing him frumkeit and lots of love and IY"H he will change with time!

Thank you

IT's A STAGE IT'S A STAGE IT'S A STAGE Cheers

Motek

Sun, Apr 02 2006, 7:08 pm

a lifelong stage, hooray!!!!!! Confused

hisorerus

Sun, Apr 02 2006, 7:37 pm

Noticed that nobody said "stage" when it came to a little kid drawing sad faces...

I'm with Motek here. Teenagehood might exacerbate the problem, but if it's going on for years, it's not so likely to disappear by the 20th birthday.

shayna82

Sun, Apr 02 2006, 7:40 pm

lol harwrkn!

chocolate moose

Sun, Apr 02 2006, 8:06 pm

Shayna is right; I didn't realize untilmuchlater, but the Shabbos thing is mujch more recent.

shayna82

Sun, Apr 02 2006, 8:38 pm

I wish you much luck sarag , and hope your husband feels better soon!

Mandy

Sun, Apr 02 2006, 9:39 pm

Please keep in mind that people are not fully formed at 18. Or even at 20. How many of us can say that we have not changed at all from 20 to however old we are now, in our relationship with our parents, in our relationship with Hashem ?

Your son is a work in progress.

ektsm

Sun, Apr 02 2006, 9:51 pm

Mandy wrote:

hey its me

Sun, Apr 02 2006, 9:53 pm

teenage hood is ANOTHER stage!!!

I too had issues from the age of 11.... as I grew older there were diff stages, diff issues!!

yes not every kid that goes off the derech returns, but it also depends on wat one considers returning!

when I left home for good at the age of 20, my mother still looked at me as a 'problem case' in her eyes I still wasnt frum, I knew that I was shomer shabbos, kashrus etc and frum but on my level!!

at 20.5 when I got engaged my family were thrilled, my dear mother still found many faults and out loud said 2 me if I dont change im going to have a failed marriage and shes not having me back home!

the comments hurt a lot, but I knew I was frum I knew where I stand in life etc...

it wasnt until after I got married that she realized I AM FRUM. I am just different to her!!b'h she now loves dh and me for who we are, shes proud of us and getting lots of nachas!!

sara g, I seriously believe with the right love, care and attention ur son will hopefully find his way back!be patient except his ways, hes thirsty now for something hes never been able to drink all his years, hopefully once the excitement dies down hel realize!!

have faith!! g luck!

morningstar

Sun, Apr 02 2006, 11:52 pm

Very moving post and encouraging post, Hey.
It's wonderful to hear that things have changed for the better between you and your family.

amother

Wed, Apr 05 2006, 11:49 pm

In my experience, I have had to learn about the concept of detaching, letting go and letting G-d, and I feel humbled by the way my life has changed in the process. I have learned that no matter how bad another person is acting, be it spouse, sibling, parent, I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THEM. The only thing in my power, is to change my reaction, by detaching, instead of allowing myself to be a vicim. I have since learned how strong and powerful it is to rely on the Aibishter, to be humble enough to say, I can't control any other human being, not even my 3 year old son, the only thing I can do is to react in a responsible manner, and trust Hashem to help me know how to handle difficult situations. It's amazing how when I began making myself into a true Keli, a vessel for Hashem, how I begin to see how I was guided, and loved by Hashem. I wish you all the best in dealing with your son, and I wish for your sake that you too will come to learn the wonderful skills needed to deal with very tough situations.

queen

Thu, Apr 06 2006, 9:43 am

Sara- how's your husband doing?

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