With married kids and grandkids, how do all fit on Yom Tov?

amother

Mon, Aug 10 2009, 10:44 am

I have been living in a 3 bedroom apartment (plus small basement area) for most of my life, thinking that most people who live in 1 family homes have much more space than I do. When my married kids and grandkids come for Yom Tov, we really have to squeeze.

I've been looking at one family homes in my area, and I'm surprised to find that more than half of them (in my area- where lots of people have married kids and grandkids as well) have even smaller bedrooms than my 3 bedroom apartment.

This makes me wonder how those who have married kids an grandkids manage over a Pesach or other Yom Tov when more than one family wants to come at the same time.

What do they do?

immaville

Tue, Aug 11 2009, 7:58 pm

My parents have several bedrooms, but we still dont all come at the same time. There is only so much room in the living room/dining room, and only so much noise my parents can take at a time. In a way, it is a shame that we cant all get together for a Yom Tov at the same time, but we try for other times when nobody has to stay over, eg chanukah, parents bdays.

louche

Wed, Aug 12 2009, 12:04 pm

Basic law of physics, two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Bubby's Corollary: You cannot accommodate all your married children and their families at the same time. They have to take turns, a skill they were supposed to have learned in preschool. If you feel you MUST have everyone together for an event, you can rent a space for the meals.

Imaonwheels

Wed, Aug 12 2009, 1:35 pm

We love when e v e r y b o d y comes. That is 2 adults, 4 bachurim from 14 up, 3 married children + spouses (1 preg) and 9 grandchildren. I have a house but it is only 85 m2. I have 3 and 1/2 BR.

1st things first all bachurim sleep in the salon, kitchen or mirpeset. I hope my oldest gs (nearly 5) will agree to join them this year. DD and sil get the largest room as they have the most kids, 4. DS with 3 and preg wife gets the second room but it has bunks so dil gets the bottom bunk and ds sleeps on the floor with the kids on matresses. My other ds will try to get a place from a friend because dil is the only family member taken aback by the balagan and likes sleeping in a bed. If not then they with there 2 go into the smallest room and it is a tight squeeze. I think this year dh and I may move to that small room and give someoine ours. It is the largest. But because we have a house with a yard there is a lot of sitting outside on chairs and taking the kids outside.

Meals are at 2 tables. Sometimes its kids table but my teenage boys don't so much want to sit with the babies to watch them so we feed the babies beforehand. The toddlers eat with us then between their beloved uncles to get spoiled.

solo

Wed, Aug 12 2009, 2:38 pm

my inlaws also have this idea that its beautiful for the whole family to be together yom tov
which it is - in theory
in actuality I find it incredibly uncomfortable.
they have a small 3 bedroom 1 bath apartment with an extra bedroom and bath in the basement - which is a disaster
aside from the claustrophobia and mess of being in such close quarters for 2 -3 days I think there is a certain lack of tznius that comes with having no privacy.
as far as im concerned the 3 siblings should take turns being home for yom tov and enjoy being all together when it doesnt involve sleeping over.
that being said I always come with a smile and keep the complaints mostly to myself (and 1 or 2 friends)

DefyGravity

Wed, Aug 12 2009, 2:48 pm

If my siblings and I didn't all go to my parents house on Pesach/Sukkos, we'd never get to see each other. A lot of people don't have enough vacation time (and money) to go visit each of their siblings AND their parents. For some kids, we only have the chance to see each other when we go to our parent's homes.

Just something to think about.

ora_43

Wed, Aug 12 2009, 3:19 pm

Our family here is fairly small. Usually everyone comes to us, it's easier b/c we're the ones with kids. Grandfather sleeps in the kids' room, singles sleep on the floor of the kids' room or in the living room. If there are any more people around, they sleep at various friends' houses around town and we're together for meals.

Usually what's done here, with bigger families, is that people will use apartments of people who went away for the holiday. There are often notices on our apartment bulletin advertising that family such-and-such needs an apartment on Shabbat Something, for a bar/bat mitzva, things like that.

Imaonwheels

Wed, Aug 12 2009, 3:34 pm

DefyGravity wrote:

yep, All of my kids work and have small children. We are so seldom able to be all together and it is never on chol hamoed Pesach. We have different minhagim since all of my kids so far married Sefardim. I am the only one who can feed everyone because Chabad is nuys on Pesach but they can't deal with it fot sa week. Also they have to split holidays between me, the ex and the mechutonim. Pesach they come separately and Sukkot we are all together because I have an enormous sukka. Also sil and 1 ds sleep there so dd and dil share a room inside.

manhattanmom

Fri, Aug 21 2009, 12:13 am

So far I'm the only married child in my family and my parents have room for my family but I could see how it will get harder over time I"yh.
I do have [only wonderful] memories of squishing into my grandparents' 3 bedroom apartment for rosh hashana every year. It was always my grandparents, my great uncle, my family (of 5) and my aunt and uncle (family of 4). High riser in each bedroom for the couples and a crib if it was needed, cots in the hall, mattresses on the living room floor--after the meal the living room would double as a sleeping room...

saw50st8

Tue, Jan 12 2010, 3:48 pm

I realize this is an old post, but what my family does may be useful!

We all go to my sister for Pesach. We do a mens room and a womens room, plus a grandparents room. Yes, it means not sleeping with your spouse for two nights, but its totally worth it.

When my grandmother died, my we reconfigured a little bit, so my sister had her whole family in the master bedroom, DH, kids and I got one room, parents and grandfather in one room and sister on the floor in the office.

Being together as a family on chag is too important to all of us.

Tova

Tue, Jan 12 2010, 3:55 pm

saw-50-states, I would so totally hate that!

My in-laws have an office attached to their house that they use to see clients, so they inflate mattresses and the most unfinicky couple gets that (NOT us!). Another family gets the basement where there are highrisers. Everyone else gets regular bedrooms.

freidasima

Tue, Jan 12 2010, 4:23 pm

Well we have two married kids out of five and three bedrooms, plus a portion of dhs study that is behind a bookcase and has a pull out bed for two. So we get our bedroom, one couple gets one, another couple gets the other, our chayal sleeps in the living room and the two girls go to the study. Or, as there is no room to swing a cat in the study, sometimes they go across the street and sleep at their grandmother to make room for everyone else. What will I do when everyone is married? I have no idea. Until the chayal is married will take a lot of time and when necessary one girl and husband will get the pull out bed and another will sleep at grandma across the street with hubby. When the kids come to sleep over? I guess men's room and women's room and kids on the floor in the living room and study!

mummiedearest

Tue, Jan 12 2010, 9:48 pm

as beautiful as all this is, I really hate spending more than two nights anywhere other than home if we're not renting the place. I'm a very private person, and I value spending time with my husband each day just talking, which is hard to do at my parents' or in-laws. we always have a good time at either set of parents, but we don't stay for long. we are fortunate that our parents live within walking distance (long walk, but doable) so as long as it's not shabbos we are happy to walk the kids over for the day. this makes life easier. there's also some tension between the siblings and siblings-in-law when we all get together for a whole shabbos. we get along well in general, but we're all prone to cabin fever. so we don't all go to parents for the whole y't. generally my bro and sil will stay at my parents and we will split the meals between there, my il's, and home. and I prefer to make most of y't at home. I love being able to invite our parents over for meals.

I've often thought of how terrible it must be to have never made your own y't preparations for however many years you're married. and it always amazes me how empty our block is come y't. I'm the youngest on the block, and it seems that I'm the only one home for all the chagim and shabbos chanuka.