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Are my new co-workers/boss TOO friendly?

 
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ShiffyChani




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Aug 21 2009, 1:29 am
Hello!

I don't post alot here but I had this question to ask you ladies. I haven't worked in some time but money was getting tight and I needed to relieve the stress so I decided to go look for a job. I have alot of skills as I worked before I was married since I was 14. I haven't been in the workforce since I was married 2 years ago.

So I went for the interview and they seemed to want to hire me. I also had put on my resume that I had worked for my husbands company which happened to be in the same building as my new prospective employer was in. So they called me in for a second interview and it lasted 3 hours!! These guys love to schmooze and I don't mind it either but some of their actions and things they said made me alittle uncomfortable. Also I am the only female in the office the office is quite small with only 2 other guys. One guy was joking about something and winked at me? Also I asked about my lunch hour and the boss said oh well I need someone to be here at all times so you'd have to eat your lunch here, and then proceeded to say "Well you can use my microwave and then eat here in my office on the couch to keep me company" I felt very weird at that point but the money is really good and I'd be in control of the whole office. I don't know know what to do do I take the job and just mention that I like to keep to myself, or decline the offer all together?
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lilacdreams




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Aug 21 2009, 2:15 am
I wouldn't turn it down yet, but keep a cautious eye open.

I don't know where you are coming from but remember men and women in the normal workforce are much friendlier than maybe we would like for ourselves in normal life...for example I was speaking to a marital therpaist about my dh where he worked once and mentioned how friendly everyone was and it bothered me. She (charedi frum) told me amongst non frum people its not unusual to all go out for a drink after work, and that when she worked in America it would have been very hard to say no all the time. She said people are friendly in the office and if we're not used to that kind of interaction, then it will take some readjustment. I am coming from a community that won't say hello to your next door neighbor's husband if you see him on the street, so it was hard to readjust to my dh having all these young females needing to talk to him!! I'm not sure if the comments your prospective boss made are out of line, he may have just said it to make you feel welcomed....(maybe), which is why I said just stay cautious.

I think it might be a good idea to have your dh come in for lunch like once a week - or have him pick you up from work if he can every so often, just to have the guys reminded that you are a married woman and are happy to have a husband around. This may keep them in line somewhat. Make sure you dress professionaly and not provacatively - remember this in speech also.

If you still are questioning things they say and do after a few weeks then rethink the situation, but for now it would be a shame to lose such a good opportunity just because you may have forgotten what comradery in the office is like.
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greenfire




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Aug 21 2009, 8:28 am
I wouldn't take the job for a different reason ... when the office is solely relying on one secretary - there is no leeway for you - if you kid or you get sick - if you have an appt or need a mental health day - the burden is all on you ...
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pinkbubbles




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Aug 22 2009, 5:41 pm
I hated working in an office where there were only men. DH dropping in didn't help me.

IMO that couch/lunch comment is WEIRD.
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mimivan




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Aug 22 2009, 5:48 pm
the couch comment was WAY over the line...
find another job prospect...please...
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amother




 

Post Sat, Aug 22 2009, 10:44 pm
Did you mention having to leave early on Fridays in the winter (I ask because if you can't take a lunch hour, how will they feel about that?)
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ShiffyChani




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Sep 02 2009, 10:11 pm
Well....

After working 2 and a half days I was let go...

I'm really discouraged but no question money is extremely tight and I'm ready to get back up and get a new job. I agree with all of you.. it was an extreme burden to be the only secretary/bookeeper/office manager. Also when the boss said it wasn't working out I asked why and he said he did not want to get into it. And I think I know why he let me go. My husband owned a very successful company doing almost the same thing this place was.. well long story short my husbands company got sued by the state and federal government and during that I was also involved in the lawsuit, so I think either they found out who my husband was or saw the lawsuit online.

I understand their position by not wanting to have me as an employee, but given the fact that the only reason I was involved in the lawsuit was because for a short time I was a signer on my husbands bank accounts and I really didn't have much involvement in the company. He did not tell my why he let me go and it's driving me crazy... did I do something wrong? Did I not perform well? I really didn't have the time to prove my skills in 2 days so it much have been something else. But to say the honest truth I'm kind of glad that they let me go because the job was not for me, they listened to some non jewish radio station all day and has no khlov Yisorel milk for the coffee, so I brought my own and shared it with everyone else, so without saying I wasn't very comfortable anyways.

Okay to my point... it's driving me crazy, do I call to ask why I was let go? Do I just try and put it behind me and move on?

By the way my DH is totally supportive and understanding I don't know what I'd do without him Smile
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levial




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2009, 11:01 am
Hashem has reasons you were let go.

If after 2 days, it's not you- it's them. The lawsuit/competition may be it (will she steal our client lists, our secrets? will she draw us into lawsuit when the govt learns she is working for us, in the same industry). For all you know they just got sued too and they've let you go to cut costs.

It's tough for you now, I know, to just lose a job, but don't take it personally...it was not performance related I'm sure...keep your chin up, Hashem will help.
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merelyme




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2009, 11:06 am
hey, maybe they wanted to do something illegal/shady/immoral/whatever and saw from the way you act that you wouldn't go along with something like that.
Sounds like you were well out of that place, honestly. Be"H you'll find something much better very soon!
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real




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 9:10 pm
I would not take the job. Trust your gut. If you feel uncomfortable now, when they don't even know you, imagine how bad it could get. I worked in an office where I was the only secretary/bookkeeper with the boss. At one point he came behind my chair and leaned over me to show me something- he totally crossed a line but noone was there and honestly it freaked me out, who knows what else could happen there. This boss was a very " chareidi" looking person with yichus so don't get fooled by your empoyers dress.
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happy chick




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 9:16 pm
real wrote:
I would not take the job. Trust your gut. If you feel uncomfortable now, when they don't even know you, imagine how bad it could get. I worked in an office where I was the only secretary/bookkeeper with the boss. At one point he came behind my chair and leaned over me to show me something- he totally crossed a line but noone was there and honestly it freaked me out, who knows what else could happen there. This boss was a very " chareidi" looking person with yichus so don't get fooled by your empoyers dress.


This thread was originally posted in August 2009. OP may already be well into other business ventures at this point. Lol
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real




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 9:22 pm
didn't see that LOL
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amother




DarkPurple
 

Post Fri, Nov 26 2021, 11:33 am
Creeps me out.

Even if they're just too friendly, they seem unprofessional and kind of clueless as to the effect of their words and actions. And I wouldn't want to experience their "gaffes", nor try to "educate" them.

I really applaud you for asking the question.

I myself recently (as in, this past Monday) made a decision to leave a dentist I like for many reasons (including money) due to his inappropriate speech/jokes. I kept ignoring it, then finally just felt so yucky that I discussed it with my therapist. She said some of his comments could even be subtle s-xual harassment.
So that's enough. I don't have to subject myself to this garbage. Ugh.
(Really, I should have left a long time ago.)

I heard Rebbetzin Zahava Braunstein tell over a story of a student who asked a similar question. She said she had a great job - great pay, great location, everything - but there was a little problem: the boss flirts ("a little") with the female employees. Rebbetzin Braunstein took her to a gadol (don't remember the name), who said very emotionally and emphatically that the woman needs to stop working there, it's very very serious.
He added that these types of issues in our day and age are equivalent to Shmiras Shabbos in our parents'/grandparents' generation.
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amother




DarkPurple
 

Post Fri, Nov 26 2021, 11:44 am
ShiffyChani wrote:
Well....

After working 2 and a half days I was let go...

I'm really discouraged but no question money is extremely tight and I'm ready to get back up and get a new job. I agree with all of you.. it was an extreme burden to be the only secretary/bookeeper/office manager. Also when the boss said it wasn't working out I asked why and he said he did not want to get into it. And I think I know why he let me go. My husband owned a very successful company doing almost the same thing this place was.. well long story short my husbands company got sued by the state and federal government and during that I was also involved in the lawsuit, so I think either they found out who my husband was or saw the lawsuit online.

I understand their position by not wanting to have me as an employee, but given the fact that the only reason I was involved in the lawsuit was because for a short time I was a signer on my husbands bank accounts and I really didn't have much involvement in the company. He did not tell my why he let me go and it's driving me crazy... did I do something wrong? Did I not perform well? I really didn't have the time to prove my skills in 2 days so it much have been something else. But to say the honest truth I'm kind of glad that they let me go because the job was not for me, they listened to some non jewish radio station all day and has no khlov Yisorel milk for the coffee, so I brought my own and shared it with everyone else, so without saying I wasn't very comfortable anyways.

Okay to my point... it's driving me crazy, do I call to ask why I was let go? Do I just try and put it behind me and move on?

By the way my DH is totally supportive and understanding I don't know what I'd do without him Smile


Nah, don't call them.
Who cares why they let you go? That's their issue, not yours. Just be happy you're out of there.

May Hashem bless you with abundant parnassah - b'hetter v'lo b'issur, b'khavod v'lo b'vizayon
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naturalmom5




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Nov 26 2021, 11:47 am
amother [ DarkPurple ] wrote:
Nah, don't call them.
Who cares why they let you go? That's their issue, not yours. Just be happy you're out of there.

May Hashem bless you with abundant parnassah - b'hetter v'lo b'issur, b'khavod v'lo b'vizayon


Are you aware OP said this in 2009
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amother




DarkPurple
 

Post Fri, Nov 26 2021, 11:48 am
real wrote:
didn't see that LOL


Yes, I'm only seeing this now too (shrug)
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