Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers
Question for parents who give time outs:



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

Mommy F.




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 28 2009, 12:03 pm
I have been trying to give my son time outs, for not listening, or not cleaning up the toys etc.

But I notice a few problems with it.

1. When I put him in his room he's so loud that he wakes up the baby in the room next to his.

2. He gets mad and throws around things in his room, making another mess.

3. I have to stay there the whole time out to hold the door shut or he'll just keep coming out.

Please let me know how you give time outs for a 4 year old, and let me know if you have any advice for me.
thanks.
Back to top

pomegranate




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 28 2009, 12:12 pm
the first time he was screeching. then he learned his lesson and usually when I start counting one, two he stops doing his trouble shtick before three because he knows that I will follow through. put him in a different room than the baby or put him in the corner and tell him if he goes away you will then put him in his crib etc.
Baruch Hashem the last few days he was more well behaved. he knows I mean bussiness.
Back to top

sugaray




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 28 2009, 12:47 pm
I use "timeouts" (although I dont call it that) from when my kids are around 18 months so they are very used to the concept by the time they are 4. with my 4 year old (who is a pretty intense kid), I use a lot of choices. for example, if he is not listening, making a mess, etc I ask him if he would like to start behaving or if he needs to go to his room. if he chooses not to behave, I give him another choice- would he like to go to his room by himself or if he would like me to bring him (ill carry him kicking and screaming if need be). then once in his room, ill give him the choice of the door open or closed. if he cannot stay in with the door open, then I will close it and hold it if I need to. unless he is so far gone, he will usually make good choices. if he is in his room kicking, throwing things around and making a mess, thats fine with me. when he calms down, he cleans it up before he can do anything "special".
btw, with all the choices, if he refuses to make a choice, I tell him that I am going to choose for him.
oh, and as far as waking up the baby, that is so frustrating! but it may just need to be done sometimes. not sure how to get around that.
good luck!
Back to top

Mommy F.




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 28 2009, 2:39 pm
Thanks for all your help!
I am glad I am not alone on this one!
I have watched time outs being done on T.V, like
Jon and Kate plus 8 and Nanny 911.
But everyone's houses and kids are so different that it's hard
to decide what's best for each kid and each house.
Back to top

ShakleeMom




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 28 2009, 3:29 pm
When I used to have the issue with the baby waking up, I was forced to use an open space, not a bedroom. The key is consistency so keep taking him by the arm gently, do not show any emotion, exasperation,e tc. and just keep leading him back to the spot. For us, for about 4 years the spot was behind the recliner. For about 2 years it's in front of the washing machine.
Back to top

octopus




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 28 2009, 3:33 pm
Mommy F. wrote:
Thanks for all your help!
I am glad I am not alone on this one!
I have watched time outs being done on T.V, like
Jon and Kate plus 8 and Nanny 911.
But everyone's houses and kids are so different that it's hard
to decide what's best for each kid and each house.


Is nanny 911 where joe is the nanny? I don't like the way she gives time outs at all.
Back to top

newToNeighborhood




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 28 2009, 4:37 pm
Quote:
Is nanny 911 where joe is the nanny? I don't like the way she gives time outs at all.


I think Joe is the "Super Nanny"- just curious what you don't like about her method. My son isn't old enough for time outs yet (he's only 3 months old), but from the show, it seemed like it worked well.
Back to top

overworkedraizy




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 31 2009, 11:08 pm
what I do is . put her in a dark room door closed for just a few min. then ask will you behave or do that again? let them go after the yes. Wink now just have to say I"m gonna put you in the dark room and boy does she listen
Back to top

b.r.a.c.h.a




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 01 2009, 9:44 pm
ARe you purposely trying to traumatize your child? She isn't disciplined - she's scared. How will you discipline your child if you don't have a dark room with you?
Back to top

b.r.a.c.h.a




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 01 2009, 9:46 pm
You could also read 1-2-3 Magic. It's a great book. But, read the entire book - twice even and follow it exactly. It is a smart and loving, firm way to discipline your child anywhere.
Back to top

ShakleeMom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 01 2009, 11:05 pm
no to dark and scary. time out means a place that is away from the scene of the crime, to chill. not to scare.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Wed, Sep 02 2009, 11:43 am
I haven't used time out in her room. It just escalates the frustration. I usually try to get her distracted - hey- can you help me mix the cake? Great - can you pick up the blocks then come over here...I'll wait.

Usually DD is frustrated at not being able to get the toy to do something (the legos fell apart, the blocks wobbled and fell..), and she might be tired/hungry. So I don't get to the punishment aspect, I see my job to facilitate her back into a calm state.

"Oh, that's the voice that comes out when you're getting tired....do you want to sit on the couch and cuddle a bit? You could pick out a book..." (NO!. I'm not tired. "(thumb goes in the mouth and she comes and sits with me on the couch)

Throwing toys in aggravation: I usually stop what I'm doing, go over to her, sit on the floor, tell her gently that she needs to get "in control." I then hold her and help her calm down, rub her back. Then I tell her let's "clean up the blocks together" or whatever has been the result of the tantrum. Usually she wants to stay in the hug/cuddle for a minute then cheerily announces "I'm back in control" or "I'm sorry mommy.."

Last week a playdate had a meltdown with the leggos and started throwing them across the room. DD just said "Jakey- you need to get in control. Take a deeeeeep breath and then blow it out like a birthday cake...then you feel better and you pick up the toys" it was priceless. They then started blowing like little whales...and I had to instigate a "pick up the leggos" challenge....who's going to pick up the most? Oh you both won!

Yelling is the same way. I calmly go over to her. I get down to her level and in a calm whispery voice tell her I can't hear her when she yells. What' wrong? Usually she melts then from yelling to whiny voice.I ask her to say it again in her regular voice. She usually wants to hug me after that. Sometimes she apologizes.
Back to top

Twizzlers




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 02 2009, 11:18 pm
Please let me know how you give time outs for a 4 year old, and let me know if you have any advice for me.
thanks.[/quote]

mine is 3, but I've been doing this for about 6 months already with great results, bh.
Mommy F. wrote:


1. When I put him in his room he's so loud that he wakes up the baby in the room next to his.


I dont do time outs in the bedroom. I dont want sleep/bedtime to be associated with punishment.
Mommy F. wrote:


2. He gets mad and throws around things in his room, making another mess.


I put him on a "special" chair that is not near any toys or objects that he can play with or throw.
Mommy F. wrote:

3. I have to stay there the whole time out to hold the door shut or he'll just keep coming out.

that is silly. then it becomes a power struggle.

I do the "supernanny" timeout with a few modifications.
1-child does something wrong
2-give a warning "if you dont listen to mommy, you will have to go sit in your chair"
3-child doesnt listen
4-pick up child, put him in the chair, get down to his level and explain "you didnt listen to mommy so you have to sit here and not be able to play for a few minutes"

the kid will get up, he's testing you. each time he gets up you pick him up and return him to his chair without saying anything. the first time this could happen many times, but then they understand that this is a consequence. you just cant give up, you must be consistent
5-allotted time passes; go over to child, get down on his level and explain again "mommy put you in this chair because you didnt listen. are you going to listen now? good. now give me a hug and you can go play"

I really found this method helpful and not cruel like some others I've heard of like locking kids in dark rooms and freaking them out of their wits. the point is for them to understand you mean business, not for them to be petrified of you.
Back to top

levial




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2009, 9:43 am
Twizzlers wrote:
Please let me know how you give time outs for a 4 year old, and let me know if you have any advice for me.
thanks.


mine is 3, but I've been doing this for about 6 months already with great results, bh.
Mommy F. wrote:


1. When I put him in his room he's so loud that he wakes up the baby in the room next to his.


I dont do time outs in the bedroom. I dont want sleep/bedtime to be associated with punishment.
Mommy F. wrote:


2. He gets mad and throws around things in his room, making another mess.



I put him on a "special" chair that is not near any toys or objects that he can play with or throw.
Mommy F. wrote:

3. I have to stay there the whole time out to hold the door shut or he'll just keep coming out.

that is silly. then it becomes a power struggle.

I do the "supernanny" timeout with a few modifications.
1-child does something wrong
2-give a warning "if you dont listen to mommy, you will have to go sit in your chair"
3-child doesnt listen
4-pick up child, put him in the chair, get down to his level and explain "you didnt listen to mommy so you have to sit here and not be able to play for a few minutes"

the kid will get up, he's testing you. each time he gets up you pick him up and return him to his chair without saying anything. the first time this could happen many times, but then they understand that this is a consequence. you just cant give up, you must be consistent
5-allotted time passes; go over to child, get down on his level and explain again "mommy put you in this chair because you didnt listen. are you going to listen now? good. now give me a hug and you can go play"

I really found this method helpful and not cruel like some others I've heard of like locking kids in dark rooms and freaking them out of their wits. the point is for them to understand you mean business, not for them to be petrified of you.[/quote]

Salut
Back to top

Tamiri




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2009, 10:01 am
we used the "naughty stair" for a time out. it was not in a room, not scary, but a place to be and chill out. if he got up from the naughty stair, we led him back over and over until he realized he needs to stay. we set the timer according to his age 3 = 3 min etc. per what we saw on super nanny, and it worked!
Back to top
Page 1 of 1 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Attn parents of marrieds
by amother
21 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 7:39 pm View last post
PANDAS PARENTS
by amother
31 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 3:13 pm View last post
S/O stuff you need / stuff to give away 78 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 11:17 am View last post
Don't have who to give shaloch manos
by amother
9 Sun, Mar 24 2024, 8:28 am View last post
BH my kids are cute or we would give them away!!
by amother
26 Fri, Mar 22 2024, 12:07 pm View last post