Would you be menachem avel?

amother

Tue, Sep 01 2009, 12:09 am

A girl that I went to school with lost her sister. I am debating whether or not I should be menachem avel. I have been out of school now for over 10 years, and have not really been in touch with her, exept for occassionally running into her at school simchas, etc. Is it normal that suddenly I show up? or is it better not to go?

Raizle

Tue, Sep 01 2009, 12:11 am

I've been to shiva houses where I only remotely knew the people sitting shiva. Usually because the death touched me in some way or I felt for them at that moment.
I think it's perfectly normal

Classicookie

Tue, Sep 01 2009, 12:22 am

as someone who sat shiva its so nice when people come to suport you no matter how close they are to you or how much you have to do with them

amother

Tue, Sep 01 2009, 12:32 am

I may have been in your class.

So sad. Crying

chanab

Tue, Sep 01 2009, 12:52 am

mom2zahava wrote:

as someone who sat shiva its so nice when people come to suport you no matter how close they are to you or how much you have to do with them

ditto. it will really be appreciated by the avel.

drumjj

Tue, Sep 01 2009, 2:44 am

I would go maybe she would like to be friendly with u and the opportunity has never come up. but I would go its a big mitzva.

geemum

Tue, Sep 01 2009, 6:01 am

I say you should go if you can.

lili

Tue, Sep 01 2009, 6:04 am

would you feel uncomfortable if you met her sometimes soon.....and you hadnt been to be menachem avel?
that's what I always ask myself....
if the answer is yes, then def go!

grin

Tue, Sep 01 2009, 6:16 am

chanab wrote:

mom2zahava wrote:

as someone who sat shiva its so nice when people come to suport you no matter how close they are to you or how much you have to do with them

ditto. it will really be appreciated by the avel.

I have invariably regretted not having gone because I didn't know them "well enough" (whatever that means?) and never regretted having gone.

chocolate moose

Tue, Sep 01 2009, 11:59 am

If you can, go. Or send email or a card. Plenty of ppl go who did not know the person who passed away.

PinkFridge

Tue, Sep 01 2009, 4:47 pm

I wouldn't call, because calling should be for very close people (not dealing with halachic issues, just practical). If you can, go. If not, send her a note. Sometimes one goes to a shiva house and doesn't even get to speak before having to go - if that happens, send a note too.

solo

Tue, Sep 01 2009, 5:24 pm

I always thought it was wrong to be menachem avel someone who uve been out of touch with or have little to do wit. now I know how appreciated it is. its nice to feel that other sympathise and are there for you.
id say go if you can

PinkFridge

Tue, Sep 01 2009, 5:44 pm

Also wanted to say that calling, etc. even after shiva is over is greatly appreciated.

cookielady

Tue, Sep 01 2009, 5:46 pm

I have emailed people that I haven't been in touch with for a while. I did hear back from one old friend who really appreciated it.

pgk

Tue, Sep 01 2009, 9:07 pm

My sister has a really close friend that lost her father very suddenly about 8 yrs. after she graduated. To this day she tells my sister how she still can't believe that so few people from her class came/called to be menachem avel. She felt that even though they graduated years earlier, these were still her friends - the people she grew up with.

I'd say go for it.

Pickle Lady

Tue, Sep 01 2009, 9:15 pm

mom2zahava wrote:

as someone who sat shiva its so nice when people come to suport you no matter how close they are to you or how much you have to do with them

I agree with this. I appreciated every person that came. I even had friends that I hadn't seen in years. It really meant alot to me when those friends came. I say go.

sarahd

Wed, Sep 02 2009, 10:05 am

I think you should go. I think it will be appreciated.

freidasima

Wed, Sep 02 2009, 10:09 am

Not just appreciated, but a true mitzva. I appreciated every single person who came when I sat. Even the ones who came at 11:30 PM when my mother and I had already turned out the lights and were about to go to sleep!

PinkFridge

Wed, Sep 02 2009, 2:39 pm

freidasima wrote:

Wow. You're a better woman than I am, Gunga Din.