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Forum -> Relationships -> Guests
Minimal courtesy when being a guest
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2009, 2:41 am
Please don't leave your dirty underpants on the floor especially when during the phone call during which you asked for a few days free accommodations you were told that we do not really have a proper guest room, only a sofa bed in the playroom. I feel that these are not proper accommodations for a guest (especially a stranger) and told you so, I also explained that during the day, during your stay the room will still be the children's playroom, and you still came. I don't appreciate finding my toddler playing with your dirty underwear that he found on the floor.

If you see I just mopped the floor and it is still wet do not walk on it. Especially do not walk on it to let yourself into the kitchen cabinets and help yourself to food when you were not invited to do so.

If there is a garbage bag by the door offer to take it to the dumpster on your way out. especially if there are 5 of you and you are healthy young men who were catered to all shabbos. Nicer would be also offering to wash the dishes and clean the floors.

If I give you a towel for your personal use please use it. Not the hand towel in the bathroom.

Do not tell my children they had enough challah. they have 2 parents sitting right there and neither of them is you.

Do not cover my toddler's mouth because he is saying "amen, amen" through kiddush.

Do not shush my children or my other guests because you want to talk.

It is impolite to ask for things that are not on the table. If you feel you must do so do so very carefully and considerately.

Don't cover yourself with my baby's blanket while napping on the couch. As a matter of fact, don't nap on the couch, especially with my husband in the room. I gave you a room, with a blanket, go nap there. And just don't touch my baby's blanket. Its there for my baby, not for you.

I know I have more, but thats enough for now.
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maidale




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2009, 3:46 am
Wow, seems like somebody hasn't been taught any manners Rolling Eyes

I wouldn't invite him again.
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shosh




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2009, 3:52 am
Sounds about as welcome and pleasant as the bugs I'm trying to get rid of today!
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2009, 5:04 am
shock Don't leave pee on the toilet seat in my only bathroom! And don't leave my toilet seat up!

Wives- if their Moms didn't do thier job in teaching thier sons- teach you hysband before he is my guest!
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2009, 5:05 am
Oh and definitely don't splash your pee all over the floor!
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morahaviva




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2009, 7:01 am
OR finish every last morsel of food of every single thing on the table - maybe someone else wants more! And if you take a shower and leave body hair all over the tub - rinse it down! And don't show up 5 hours before candlelighting... worse comes to worst walk around the mall or something.
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sped




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2009, 8:16 am
morahaviva wrote:
OR finish every last morsel of food of every single thing on the table - maybe someone else wants more! And if you take a shower and leave body hair all over the tub - rinse it down! And don't show up 5 hours before candlelighting... worse comes to worst walk around the mall or something.

I keep trying to explain this to DH. When I was single, I used to show up with the last bus or later, with a taxi, unless I knew I could be a help to the hosts. DH believes in going EARLY. I try to explain that no one needs us around!
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drumjj




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2009, 9:08 am
I think its the worst thing when guests come an hour before shabbos and expect a shower. I hate it when guests do that. I prefer if u are going to turn up needing a shower come with a few hours to spare or come showered already
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Strudel




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2009, 9:13 am
I have a sneaky feeling most of these nightmare guests are male and unmarried...
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Peanut2




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2009, 9:29 am
Help your host. Just because you are male does not excuse you from helping clear the table, etc.
Also, I've been taught to never show up empty handed. Obviously, sometimes things just don't work out (store closed, forgot wine at home, etc.) but otherwise a small gesture is always appreciated, I think.
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2009, 10:34 am
I've got to admit, I dislike having male guests for exactly this reason. they rarely help and kind of expect to be waited on. Although I've been pleasantly surprised by incredibly helpful and self sufficient bochurim and been unpleasantly surprised by unhelpful women or girl guests.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2009, 10:38 am
I am the OP. Most of the things in my OP are a female guest, actually.
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solo




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2009, 10:39 am
Strudel wrote:
I have a sneaky feeling most of these nightmare guests are male and unmarried...

I was thinking the same thing. b"h do not have to many such experiences, but I have noticed that so many yeshiva boys arent aware of common courtesy.
oh well. I prefer to cut them some slack and hope they learn before they marry.
and as far as peeing on the seat or floor, im just gonna take a wild guess and say they didnt notice
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2009, 10:45 am
Um, some are male and married...
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dochesed




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2009, 2:05 pm
I wonder if you still get the mitzvah of hachnasas orchim if you growl about it - as I do?
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2009, 2:32 pm
I had a married female cousin come over for a shabbos meal. She joined me in the kitchen and proceeded to critisize everything from the way my cabinets were organized to how I cut my fish. "Wow, I would never be able to tolerate it if all my cutlery wasn't all facing the same direction...." I was really offended until I ate with this same girl at her own sisters house and at the shabbos table she told her sister that her fish was too dry and she should really call her for a decent recipe.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2009, 4:04 pm
amother wrote:
I am the OP. Most of the things in my OP are a female guest, actually.


That's strange, because you used a lof of the male pronoun in your original post.
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louche




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2009, 7:15 pm
amother wrote:
Please don't leave your dirty ...

I know I have more, but thats enough for now.


shock shock shock
Enough? that's beyond enough! where were these boys born, in a barn? Yeesh!
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louche




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2009, 7:17 pm
amother wrote:
shock Don't leave pee on the toilet seat in my only bathroom!


I was about to list that one, though I don't see what the number of bathrooms has to do with it. If a habit is filthy, disgusting and inconsiderate, it's just as f,d, and I whether you have 1 bathroom or 20.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2009, 7:26 pm
One more: no matter what you're used to wearing to bed at home, please wear pajamas when you're a guest. sometimes stray drafts cause doors to pop open.

We once had a bocher come for shabbat with no luggage. None. Just a cell phone and wallet. Now granted he took shower before he came, and he went home motzaei shabbat, but, umm...what did he sleep in?

I made dh take the sheets off the couch and put them in the machine b/c I wasn't about to touch them!
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