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How do I make the choice?



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QT26




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Apr 22 2006, 3:53 pm
With my first baby, I worked. With my second I decided to quit. I really don't know what's better. If I decide to go back to work, that means finding a good care-taker for the little one and finding afternoon care for my older one. And that means all the headache like figuring out what to do when one of them is sick - and my kids get sick quite often. But staying at home all day means I run out of patience. I think I had much more patience for my first baby and looked forward to seeing him at the end of the work day. But I hate the idea of leaving the kids for so long... How do I make the decision?
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ektsm




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Apr 22 2006, 9:14 pm
IT's great if you can stay at home! Nobody will care for them like their own mother. However, if you need to work because of financial constraints I am sure you can always find a good caregiver. You have to make the best decision with the information you have.
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Apr 22 2006, 9:26 pm
I did the opposite; was home with #1 but went back. for $$$$$

what does your husband think?
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nicole81




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Apr 22 2006, 9:30 pm
can you work part time in the morning, that way you wouldn't have to worry about afternoon care for the older one?
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QT26




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 23 2006, 5:16 am
Working only in the morning - I thought about doing that, but I hate the idea of leaving the baby and there's still the very big problem of when the kids get sick...
My husband would rather me go back to work (money is tight), but he understands and is very supportive of me staying at home.
Did anyone feel like a better mother after they went back to work? Meaning that they had more patience BECAUSE they weren't with the kids all day? Or does work just make you more stressed?
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Motek




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 23 2006, 5:36 pm
QT26 wrote:
but I hate the idea of leaving the baby and there's still the very big problem of when the kids get sick...


sounds like you know what to do ...

Quote:
My husband would rather me go back to work (money is tight), but he understands and is very supportive of me staying at home.


great!

Quote:
But staying at home all day means I run out of patience.


Perhaps you can focus on this point and work out solutions like getting out occasionally without the kids. I'm sure you can come up with ideas if you set your mind to it. Posters can help!
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cl




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 25 2006, 4:29 am
I work 2 full days a week. I love my job an its much easier than being with the baby. I love DS to bits but I need time-out from the house and from the constant needs of my child. Plus it brings in the extra cash. He's in a good day-care and when I see him at the end of the day im so excited to play with him, whereas by 5pm on a 'home' day I really have little patience to sit n play.
Would it be better for my son 2 have mummy at home all day? if I was happy, then yes. but wud I feel better at home all day? no way, just frustrated.
ps. how old's ur 2nd baby?
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ektsm




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 30 2006, 7:38 pm
It's never easy!
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stem




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 30 2006, 9:54 pm
I'm not sure how the psychos out there managed to convince a whole generation that mothers are not so important. Even a moderately stressed out mother is better than no mother. Do you think the baby is thinking about how lovely that five minutes of playing with his happy mother at the end of the day will make up for being left without her for the other 8 hours?

Of course being with the baby is harder than any job because besides it being totally physically draining, it's also emotionally charged.
I believe that it's our (as women) responsibility to create our own happiness in being home with our precious children. It may come naturally to some women, but most of us have to work hard to make our homes the best, happiest and healthiest environment.

Don't we tell our kids all the time, "even if you don't want to do it, do it anyway because it's the right thing to do" and "You can make it fun if you put your mind to it".
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cl




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 02 2006, 9:01 am
stem, wow, what a 1-sided argument u present. I think u wrote a few of those things while u were bored at home (Mrs Professional SAHM why r u on the computer an not looking after ur kids?) and to liven things up a little I'll reply...

"Even a moderately stressed out mother is better than no mother."
who said moderately? and how can u judge moderate? what about pull-ur-hair-out-from-boredom stressed? shud that mother work?

"Do you think the baby is thinking about how lovely that five minutes of playing with his happy mother at the end of the day will make up for being left without her for the other 8 hours?"
first of all im away from DS for 5hrs a day, out of those 5hrs, 2 he is sleeping and no, I really dont think he is being damaged by being 3hrs twice a week away from me.
what do u do when u have an appointment, schlepp the kids along? r u kids never left with anyone but urself?
and who said its 5mins of playing at the end of the day? Its very often a trip to the park or painting together, then supper in a good mood, then a long fun bath. Picture a stressed out mum by 5pm, how smoothly do u think supper will be? how wil she re-act when baby splats the food in her face?

and what about women who finanacially have no choice but to work? or women whose husbands are in kollel? are their kids going 2 be 4ever damaged?

ps.will u be home-schooling ur kids, small-town mom?
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cl




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 02 2006, 9:02 am
pps. this message board is for working mothers so y r u here?
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stem




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 02 2006, 12:20 pm
All I said is that instead of mothers moaning that they're bored, they should think of ways to make themselves happy and busy, instead of running away from their responsibilities. If working 5 hours twice a week is your best solution, then go for it. If you must work for a living, then by all means do so.
In my mind, the excuse of I'll be a better mother if I work is not valid because babies need their mothers on a contant basis, not just some time at the end of the day no matter how fun it may be.

Now to answer your questions: I wrote that post after my kids were sleeping for the night, and I'm writing this one while the little one is napping and the older one is in school. I don't leave my kids with anyone except on rare occasions. I usually try to go on appointments when my husband is home, or when I can leave them by my sister-in-law (this is not the same as leaving them for hours at a time on a constant basis). I have taken them along with me when I there were no other options. By 5PM I am stressed, luckily my husband comes home around then and relieves some of the stress. It's not easy! It's just life.
Will I homeschool? No way.

PS. Actually, I do work from home at my own hours while the kids are sleeping, so maybe I have rights on this board?
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BlumaG




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 02 2006, 12:42 pm
I'm looking into opening my own playgroup next yr bc we need the moeny and babysitting for 2 kids are rediculous
next wk I am subbing for my aunt and putting my kids in babysittingi n hte skool so I will b right there,I usually dont ever leave them bc noone to leave them with and when I do its my mil bc we live with her
but all to their own
I hate the idea of leaving my kids but sometimes when I do I am excited to b with them
like sunday monrnings I work and dh is home with kids
babysitting is is extravagant so I mayaswell go for some of the extravagancy
my hubby is into keeping the kiddies home and wek eep busy but if I had only one kid I would have been out there owrking a long time ago bc we need hte money
LETS NOT JUMP DOWN EACHOTHERS THROATS HERE. WE ALL HAVE THE RIGHT TO OUR OWN CHOICES AND OPINIONS
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DefyGravity




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 02 2006, 1:03 pm
Quote:
All I said is that instead of mothers moaning that they're bored, they should think of ways to make themselves happy and busy, instead of running away from their responsibilities.


How is working part-time or full-time running away from their responsibilities? I assume that working mothers aren't leaving their children to fend for themselves.

What if working is the way they feel happy and busy? Not all women can stay at home all day with their children. There's nothing wrong with that, everybody has individual needs.
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Frumom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 02 2006, 1:14 pm
I think a perfect balance is being able to work part time. I dont see anything wrong with sending a baby to a babysitter for 4 or so hours a day. 1-2 of which would probably be nap time.
This helps a lot of moms refresh, not be exhausted all the time and be better moms in general.
For those of you who are sah moms, great, thats what you chose to do and are able to handle it. Nothing wrong with either choice as long as you feel you're doing the right thing.
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ektsm




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 02 2006, 1:19 pm
Yeah but it's definetly hard to do!
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cl




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 03 2006, 8:16 am
stem - I was just upset how u phrased ur comments. ur points are valid, it just came out very judgemnetal and harsh.
and ur fortunate 2 have a husband who comes home at 5pm an help out. in my case (and in many others im sure) DH comes home around 7 and sometimes later so the crazy supper-bath-bed routine has 2 be done on my own.
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