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Forum -> Household Management -> Organizing
MY DS MAKES SUCH A MESS . . .



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amother


 

Post Mon, Nov 16 2009, 10:32 am
I don't know what to do anymore!! One of my kids just turns my house into a tornado!!
He's 4 years old so he can unlock doors, stand on chairs . . .
I can't take it anymore. My daughter B'H is clean and neat and so am I.
My husband and other son aren't soo neat but they're not so messy like my one son.

Does anyone have a kid like this. It's sooo hard to get him to clean. In seconds the house will be totally upside down.

He'll dump out boxes of cars, blocks, lego . . .
He'll take all his clothes out of his drawers, he takes out so many books and doesn't put them back.

It's impossible keeping up with him. At least during the week he's in school but after the weekends our house is a mess! He'll take food from the fridge and cupboards. Dump cheerios everywhere and crackers..

I just needed to vent. But if anyone had a child like this who has come up with a solution let me know. Do they grow out of it? Is it a boy thing? Should I just spend the whole day yelling at him? Should I just deal with it and that's life?

I hope I am not the only one out there with this problem. Any advice would be appreciated. thanks ladies!
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amother


 

Post Mon, Nov 16 2009, 10:34 am
whateever you do try not to label him or make his self esteem affected by the fact that hes not neat. maybe its just not what he can do. have expectations of him that are reasonable. like choose one thing to clean up... etc because some personalities just arent organized and we dont want to make them feel they are bad because of it
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 16 2009, 11:38 am
whatr about child locks? what about rotating the toys ?
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amother


 

Post Mon, Nov 16 2009, 11:44 am
OP here,
so basically I run babysitting from the house with 6 little kids during the day so I can't really lock up the toys.
I need enough toys out for them to play with.
Also when I try to 'hide' toys he finds the hiding spots.
Plus he'll turn everything into a toy.
For example.
- he'll play packing and take a suitcase and fill it with all the shoes and boots in the house!
- he'll take off all of our couch pillows and make tents, boats, houses . . .
- he'll take all the pillows and blankets from around the house and play baby . . .

so I feel like I can never win Sad
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louche




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 16 2009, 11:51 am
Is he the same way in school? If no, ask the teacher what she does to control his messy behavior. If yes, could he possibly have ADD/ADHD? Not to imply that all messy people suffer from a disorder (they just suffer from disorder, not a disorder, ha-ha), but that can be a symptom. If he takes things out of drawers and cabinets for no reason, not because he's going to use them or is looking for something, then it sounds like some kind of dysfunction.

If he takes them out because he uses them and doesn't put them back, that might just be his personality. Or it might be hard for him to put things back because of where and how they're kept. You could try providing easy storage at his height and seeing if that helps. Before investing in storage solutions, you could try just having some big cardboard cartons on the floor so he can drop things into them.

You could also try making cleanup a game of sorts. if he likes basketball, you could rig up a hoop above a box or bin so he can throw toys or whatever through the hoop into the bin. you can award points for every item he puts away, with prizes for every so many points. You can try letting him tire himself out with some physical activity like jumping on a mini-trampoline--assuming he will stay with one thing long enough to tire himself out.

You also need to enforce rules. If you tell him he can't have supper till he puts the clothes back in the drawer, then stick to your guns. Relenting and letting him eat before he puts them away will just prove that you don't mean what you say. He won't be able to put them away the way you like, probably, but that he puts them away at all should be sufficient at this point.
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louche




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 16 2009, 12:00 pm
Actually he sounds like a very creative and bright kid, which should give you some nachas even though doesn't make life any easier for you. Sometimes the brightest kids are the hardest to handle when they're little.

Have you made rules about what he is and is not allowed to mess with? Can you fill some boxes with miscellanous stuff--old sheets, small boxes, outgrown shoes, plastic dishes, old purses and hats, cardboard tubes and the like, for him to play with (and change the contents now and then), and make other things off-limits? And then enforce the rule that he has to put everything back in the boxes. (Easier said than done. Taking out is fun, putting back, not so much.)

Not that it's any consolation, but many very successful inventors and businesspeople have ADD/ADHD to some degree. It's that energy and creativity that got them where they are.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Nov 16 2009, 12:11 pm
amother wrote:
OP here,
so basically I run babysitting from the house with 6 little kids during the day so I can't really lock up the toys.
I need enough toys out for them to play with.
Also when I try to 'hide' toys he finds the hiding spots.
Plus he'll turn everything into a toy.
For example.
- he'll play packing and take a suitcase and fill it with all the shoes and boots in the house!
- he'll take off all of our couch pillows and make tents, boats, houses . . .
- he'll take all the pillows and blankets from around the house and play baby . . .

so I feel like I can never win Sad


From your first post it seemed like the mess your ds was creating was deliberate I'm bored and lets empty the cheerios box on the floor, type of mess. The examples you are giving here are normal boy/child activities.

For the first post....I keep a "child lock" on my pantry door. Its one of those ball handles that requires you to squeeze it and then turn. I put it on because my kids were just helping themselves to food and it was always before dinner time. Also I am a big stickler on not wasting food so if he is spilling out the cheerios for nothing, I'd make a big point of this. When the rest of the kids get their cookie on shabbos I would say I'm sorry you cant have one right now cause I couldnt buy you one since I had to use the money for your cookie on a new box of cheerios. Some may say this is mean but the bottom line is responsibly. No one said they are entitled to a cookie on shabbos and no one said that "fair is equal" (I tell this to my kids all the time or I explain how the translation is incorrect, treats are just that so if you earned it you get it so if you lost the privilege then it is equal if someone who didnt loose their privilege gets their prize)

My oldest was very into suitcases at one point and me and my husband would spend sunday night unpacking 2-3 completely filled suitcases. At first we didnt mind because he would keep himself busy. After a while it got annoying because things started going missing and the clean up was too much for me and my DH. So we warned my son and that he would have to do the clean up. Him doing the clean up meant me sitting next to the suitcase handing him each item (or group of items). I would tell him exactly where to put it away and he would do it, NOT ME. When he would whine I would remind him that he made the mess and it was his responsibility to clean it up. When we notice him doing it we warn him and tell him it will be his responsibly. If he whines during clean up I dont give it any of my time except me repeating "I told you not to take so much stuff, next time maybe you'll listen to me"

Use the same rules for tents and baby play.

You need to remember that they are children. Yes it is 100% their responsibility to clean up but that doesnt mean that you are sitting in your room reading a book while they are doing it, it means you are in the room giving them direction.
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 16 2009, 12:13 pm
Do you and he have any one-on-one time? It sounds like he might need more attention.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Nov 16 2009, 12:38 pm
OP here,
Thanks so much for all your responses.
In terms of ADHD it does run in my husband's family so that it a possibility, but
I was told it could only be diagnosed starting from 6 years old, as many 4-5 year olds
can display ADHD symptoms just because they have a lot of energy at this age.

He may be seeking attention from me, which is a good point. How do all you mothers of many children
deal with giving each one one-on-one attention?

Yes he is very bright and creative and energetic.

I will speak to his teachers. So far they haven't mentioned any issues with him not cleaning up though.
He does mention that school is really long for him, maybe he's just so tired so he's making messes and not able to concentrate on playing with one toy at a time?


He does love sports so I could try getting a little basket ball hoop to put near the toy box . . .

At first I was worried that maybe it's my fault that I didn't teach him how to clean up at an early age, but my other kid doesn't have this problem, so I don't think it's totally my fault. But I definitely have to work on reinforcing rules and being consistent, for example if I say you can't go out until the cars are picked up I really have to not let him out. It's just hard for me because he'll have such a tantrum I'll just want to do anything to make the crying stop so I do sometimes give in Sad
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amother


 

Post Mon, Nov 16 2009, 12:40 pm
OP here,
Thanks so much for all your responses.
In terms of ADHD it does run in my husband's family so that it a possibility, but
I was told it could only be diagnosed starting from 6 years old, as many 4-5 year olds
can display ADHD symptoms just because they have a lot of energy at this age.

He may be seeking attention from me, which is a good point. How do all you mothers of many children
deal with giving each one one-on-one attention?

Yes he is very bright and creative and energetic.

I will speak to his teachers. So far they haven't mentioned any issues with him not cleaning up though.
He does mention that school is really long for him, maybe he's just so tired so he's making messes and not able to concentrate on playing with one toy at a time?


He does love sports so I could try getting a little basket ball hoop to put near the toy box . . .

At first I was worried that maybe it's my fault that I didn't teach him how to clean up at an early age, but my other kid doesn't have this problem, so I don't think it's totally my fault. But I definitely have to work on reinforcing rules and being consistent, for example if I say you can't go out until the cars are picked up I really have to not let him out. It's just hard for me because he'll have such a tantrum I'll just want to do anything to make the crying stop so I do sometimes give in Sad
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amother


 

Post Mon, Nov 16 2009, 12:47 pm
OP here,
Thanks so much for all your responses.
In terms of ADHD it does run in my husband's family so that it a possibility, but
I was told it could only be diagnosed starting from 6 years old, as many 4-5 year olds
can display ADHD symptoms just because they have a lot of energy at this age.

He may be seeking attention from me, which is a good point. How do all you mothers of many children
deal with giving each one one-on-one attention?

Yes he is very bright and creative and energetic.

I will speak to his teachers. So far they haven't mentioned any issues with him not cleaning up though.
He does mention that school is really long for him, maybe he's just so tired so he's making messes and not able to concentrate on playing with one toy at a time?


He does love sports so I could try getting a little basket ball hoop to put near the toy box . . .

At first I was worried that maybe it's my fault that I didn't teach him how to clean up at an early age, but my other kid doesn't have this problem, so I don't think it's totally my fault. But I definitely have to work on reinforcing rules and being consistent, for example if I say you can't go out until the cars are picked up I really have to not let him out. It's just hard for me because he'll have such a tantrum I'll just want to do anything to make the crying stop so I do sometimes give in Sad
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happymom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 16 2009, 1:35 pm
try and set up things for him to do, and every time you can come by and give him some positive attention. he just might need some guided helps on what to do. that way he wont be bored and hell be getting attention from you. some kids need more of a schedule/set things to do, and if he knows you are overlooking what hes doing and giving him that attention it will prob take his mind of messing eveyrthing else up. for example you can set him up by the sink with two cupes to pour as u wash dishes and talk to him while your doing that...

you can give him blocks to build on the floor next to you as you do something and praise him as he goes along etc.. I wouldnt make sucha huge deal about cleaning up. you can avoid the tantrum by saying ok! lets clean the blocks and then well get somet other fun toy, and then do it together...
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JollyMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 16 2009, 8:33 pm
I have found my son's preschool teachers to be sources of great wisdom for matters like this. I told her my son (almost 3) was throwing things around, like CDs, and she suggested I send him outside to throw leaves around, or give him a soft ball he can throw. she emphasized that he is just "playing" and not trying to be annoying.

I think you can extend this with your son. he looks like he thinks up brilliant ways to keep busy. have him gather things that you need. give him jobs and tasks to fill his time.

for example, tell him that on Sunday you're going to go to the beach or park, and together think of the things he'll need for this. have him bring each thing on his list.

let him pack lunches, sort laundry, put away groceries.

busy him with responsibility and praise him tons
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