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Frum and middle income: how to make it work?
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batya_d




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 08 2006, 8:49 am
I've heard frightening statistics about the amount of money it takes to raise a moderate-sized frum family in any metropolitan area (we're not talking Manhattan here, just someplace close to a city w/decent frum community). I know families in Brooklyn that make a TON of money (doctors, lawyers), and still just get by with 6 tuitions/camp/seminary/college...

Not everyone who is frum is rich. I don't plan on being on poor, necessarily, but my husband is not headed for a high-powered professional career, and I never planned on being the primary source of income. How do the rest of you get by?

Obviously, there is penny-pinching, cutting down on expenses, which is a given.

I've heard homeschooling as an alternate to ridiculous tuitions, but this is not what I envision for my family.

What am I missing? How does the other half make it work?
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Frumom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 08 2006, 8:51 am
Good q, wish I had the answer to that in general. Not just in NY. How do people afford the cost of living for large fams?

Last edited by Frumom on Mon, May 08 2006, 9:46 am; edited 1 time in total
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stem




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 08 2006, 8:52 am
Move out of town where the standard of living, tuition, houses, and much more are way cheaper than the NY area.
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Flowerchild




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 08 2006, 8:55 am
I worry also, its crazy to live here, as far as I know new jersey has somewhat cheaper tuition and cost of living. we are planning to move there at some point as soon as we are both secure in our employment. but the bottom line is, there is no right answer you just live do your best try to make money and hashem will help.
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DefyGravity




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 08 2006, 8:58 am
I agree with Stem. It's definitely prudent to start thinking about leaving the NY area. EVERYTHING is expensive there, you really need to have a lot of money to live comfortably once you start having kids.
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shayna82




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 08 2006, 9:00 am
I live in pittsburgh, and the cost of living here is pretty low. almost everyone can afford even a small house. a lot of newly married couples have 3-4 bedroom houses here. you can get a house for 200k and some are even under that.

I say if you want a more comfy lifestyle, move to a small city
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 08 2006, 9:00 am
The thing is, NYC pays really good salaries. And when you send kids to camp, to out of town yeshivas, and eventually marry them off, it's all NYC prices.
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DefyGravity




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 08 2006, 9:06 am
NYC pays good salaries, but you're paying more for almost everything else, so it's not worthwhile.

Remember, there are many out of town cities that have schools so you don't have to send your children away. In fact, many people from NY send their kids away to school!
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Meema2Kids




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 08 2006, 9:11 am
Come to the midwest!!! We would love for baalei batim to come and grow our frum communities here. The cost of living is much lower than the coast, and Chicago. And people are so nice here.
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 08 2006, 9:13 am
Yes, people in NYC DO send their kids away and it cost a fortune. No mattter where you come from.

In my opinion, you need that NYC salary to be able to do that!
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batya_d




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 08 2006, 9:17 am
Which cities in the midwest would you recommend, Meema? DH went to Indiana University and speaks highly of the community in South Bend. I also know a couple that is planning on moving to either Atlanta or Memphis and love the feeling of these southern cities.

From what I heard, although the cost of living in other East coast cities may be lower than in NY, it's still quite high in New Jersey metro area, Baltimore, and other major East Coast cities.

But it's all contingent on jobs, anyway... DH is getting his smicha IY"H, so it will depend where positions are available when he finishes (which is still at least 4 years away).
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Meema2Kids




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 08 2006, 9:20 am
We plan to move to St. Louis next year (we live in a smaller community right now).

I wanted to look at Milwaukee, but DH wasn't interested.

I've also heard good things about Cleveland.

My friend lives in Detroit and loves it.

Denver would have been on the list for us but I think the frum community has gone through some bad times lately.
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DefyGravity




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 08 2006, 9:30 am
I've also heard great things about Detroit - and the price of living is VERY low there.

We brought flyers of houses for sale back from my hometown and leave them on our coffee table, our friends look at them and demand to know where these huge, cheap, beautiful houses are located! They look so crestfallen when we tell them they're a thousand miles away.
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Chani




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 08 2006, 9:41 am
I've lived in Altanta, Memphis and Cleveland. All very very nice cities. Atlanta is MUCH more expensive than Memphis and Cleveland. I'd say Cleveland is cheaper than Memphis in terms of housing costs, but has much higher taxes. (It's against the state constitution to have an income tax in TN, so there are no local or state income taxes...)
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batya_d




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 08 2006, 9:42 am
Those of you who live in smaller cities, do you ever miss the New York lifestyle? Having so many options for kosher restaurants, concerts, museums and places to go?

Obviously, you have to make some sacrifices, but I'm just curious how much you miss these things.

I guess we'll just have to pray that when DH finds a position, it's in an affordable city! And not too far from my parents, I would miss them Sad
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BlumaG




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 08 2006, 9:55 am
I live in detroit and its nice warm community, of course everyp lace has its issues but bh pretty affordable place ot live
schools are expensive but I guess most frum schools are
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shayna82




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 08 2006, 10:05 am
im from a bigger town and now life in pittsburgh. I must say that it took a while to get used to very few restaruants and big events. its much quieter here, and not much going on versus l.a.

but now, I dont miss it at all. We save so much money by not going out to eat, and who needs it anyway

im happy we were able to afford a house, and all the payments that come along.
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amother


 

Post Mon, May 08 2006, 10:39 am
I live in NY:
- we never eat out anyway.
- We spend less money than most people do.
- IYH with Hashem's blessings we will raise a large family.
- we dont have a car and we save tons of money without one.
- the schools here are better than any out of town schools, and I wouldnt sacrifice that.
- the salary from my husband's job would be much lower in most other places, except maybe in other very large Jewish communities where living expenses is also high.
- food costs less in NY than out of town.

I dont expect to buy a house in the near future.
I dont expect to ever not be "poor."

We pray. Hashem will provide.
We will be "rich" in other ways.
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goldrose




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 08 2006, 10:49 am
From the Hayom Yom of Tes Nissan:

Jewish wealth is not houses and gold. The everlasting Jewish wealth is: Being Jews who keep Torah and mitzvot, and bringing into the world children and grandchildren who keep Torah and mitzvot.
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nicole81




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 08 2006, 10:53 am
my husband makes a decent salary in new york, but I have to work as well. he doesn't have any training in anything and he is extraordinarily lucky to have the job he does now. if we were out of town, forget the fact that he won't make what he's making here, but I doubt he will find a job that will even pay our bills alone, even if they are considerably lower. we would still both need to work, except we would probably need 2 cars and gas is so expensive these days...

so we're in new york for now, at least until I get a masters so that I know we could rely on my job worst case scenario.

no, we don't own a house, and I doubt we ever will if we stay here. but as long as we're getting by and are not cramped in our living space, it's not bad at all.
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