Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Parenting our children
Raising kids with good self-esteem
1  2  Next



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother


 

Post Thu, May 11 2006, 1:21 am
Anyone have a good book to recommend and/or some do's and don'ts on how to raise my kids so that they should have good self-esteem
Thanks
Back to top

happymom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 11 2006, 9:24 am
positive parenting by twersky. Its really an amazing book!
Back to top

goldrose




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 11 2006, 9:42 am
I second that. My favorite story in there is when he is reprimanding his son for playing chess on Shabbos. He says, "Es past nisht" (It isn't befitting you to do this) and then goes on to say "did you win Wink ?"
Back to top

LoveMy2Kids




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 11 2006, 9:59 am
It almost seemed as if my daughter was born with low self-esteem. It really upset me. She's a very sweet capable kid, there was no reason for it. Aside from all the wonderful books out there I can tell you what worked for my dd. We always praised her, especially her efforts. She was not always happy with the outcome, but we always said that she did her best and she would only improve each time she tried. We always encouraged her to try new things and not to be afraid, she's amazing just for trying. We recognize her strengths/talents and encourage them. A musical child will benefit from music lessons, an artistic one from art lessons, and a sports inclined child from little league. I know not everyone can afford it (we can't at the moment, but hope we can soon), but even spending time with them doing things and praising them can do wonders for them. My son shines whenever we play with him and praise his football abilities. Whenever my children do something well or even show a really good midah I call up my parents/sibling/in-laws etc. and tell them in the presence of my children. The list goes on. It's literally a lifestyle, yet everyone comments on what a sweet, self-assured, mature little girl we have. Self-esteem is one of the most important things you can give to your children. G'luck!
Back to top

Motek




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 19 2007, 2:19 pm
I wonder whether we (society) have lost our minds ...

I recently read:

1) that little kids are being taught to sing, to the tune of Freres Jacques: "I am special, I am special, look at me ..."

2) a 2nd grade teacher asked every student to finish this sentence, "I'm terrific because ...." and then to draw a self-portrait to illustrate whatever sterling feature of their character they chose to highlight.

neither one of these examples are from frum schools but this concept has long since penetrated our schools too

how many children in preschool classrooms make books, "All About Me" with pictures of themselves and pages that describe their likes, their families, etc.

We all need Help
Back to top

shayna82




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 19 2007, 2:23 pm
I think its forsure overdone. although making an all about me project is important for young kids. something that shows their interest and gives them a good self of self. singing I am specialevery day is too much. as frum kids should be singing torah tziva, and songs to that affect. I think if parents raise their kids with a good self esteem, but not overdo it, it will be fine.
Back to top

southernbubby




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 19 2007, 2:28 pm
It looks to me that kids with high esteem are those who learn quickly and have good physical and social skills. I doubt that singing "I am special" will help a klutzy kid feel competent. Sometimes a kid who is not a learner will have a great sense of humor and can still feel the equal of other kids. I noticed that while subbing and observing the kids.
Back to top

Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 19 2007, 2:36 pm
Motek wrote:
I wonder whether we (society) have lost our minds ...

I recently read:

1) that little kids are being taught to sing, to the tune of Freres Jacques: "I am special, I am special, look at me ..."

2) a 2nd grade teacher asked every student to finish this sentence, "I'm terrific because ...." and then to draw a self-portrait to illustrate whatever sterling feature of their character they chose to highlight.

neither one of these examples are from frum schools but this concept has long since penetrated our schools too

how many children in preschool classrooms make books, "All About Me" with pictures of themselves and pages that describe their likes, their families, etc.

We all need Help


shock
Back to top

sc




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 19 2007, 6:04 pm
Praising a specific action or charachter trait is much better than telling them all day you are great, special etc...
also giving children choices (of course with limits -the parents decide what the choice should be not "do whatever you want") makes them feel better about themselves "I am capable of choosing/ deciding/what to do - helps with confidence..
and giving oppurtunities for children to do things on their own I.e. - pouring themselves a drink (unless you know they will not be able to do it) don't do e/t for your children. (help them figure things out) with older kids instead of giving them all the info they need for a report direct them to a library or sources, instead of feeling like you need to answer all their questions, fill all their needs (they will become so dependant on you and feel like they can't do a/t on their own) help/guide direct them to the appropiate person/place etc.
Back to top

MOM222




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 19 2007, 6:07 pm
They say if you want your kid to have good self esteem make sure your self esteem is ok. A mother who has low self esteem can not pass it on to her children. (The exception is an oldest - who usually will have a high self esteem)
Back to top

sc




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 19 2007, 6:58 pm
I know you said usually (and not all oldests) but I diagree - I know more than one oldest child that does not have high self esteem
my personal opinion is that parents are still inexperienced by their 1st child and don't know enough about raising kids to be confident/ have a high self esteem
Back to top

cassandra




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 19 2007, 7:33 pm
Motek wrote:
I wonder whether we (society) have lost our minds ...


Low self-esteem is debilitating. Healthy self-esteem is not. Shouldn't we err on the side of "too much" self esteem than too little?

And when my kids learned that song, it went "my mom is special, my mom is special....." It was kind of nice.
Back to top

Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 19 2007, 8:51 pm
Oldest who feel like slaves because they have to take care of all their siblings often have low self esteem. I know a girl like that, the poor thing became all bulimic and depressed.....
Back to top

happy2beme




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 20 2007, 9:36 am
I don't see a problem with "All About Me" books at all!

It makes the child feel proud & special & he/she is!

Plus, it's cute to look at in the future yrs.

A lot of the kids I met and have interacted with could use the boost of self esteem over a lack of.

Motek, what's the problem? have u been meeting haughty children?
That has not been my experience at all- maybe 1 out of 15 kids & usually one of the parents has the same attitude.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Fri, Apr 20 2007, 10:22 am
There is a huge difference in instilling healthy self esteem( I was created btelem elokim and recognize how special I am and only I can fullfill my tafkid in this world with the unique chochos Hashem gave to me) and the generic I am great , all that I do is great and an overall bishvili nivre haolam perspective and therefore everything is coming to me. As parents and educators we have to be certain that we are instilling the former and not chas vshalom the latter.
Back to top

happymom




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 20 2007, 11:01 am
the sbest way of for the MOTHER to have a good self esteem! Id suggest books on that first. them therough positive aproach in parenting, and lots of love and encouragemenbt, and strictness at time WITHOUT anger, a child can have a great self esteem.
Back to top

su7kids




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 20 2007, 12:11 pm
And don't forget, it should be "Wow, aren't you proud of yourself for doing that" rather than "I'm proud of you" otherwise the kid becomes a people pleaser!
Back to top

Motek




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 22 2007, 5:30 pm
My opinion - the same generation of kids growing up with parents and teachers intent on instilling self-esteem is the same generation with a higher-than-ever suicide rate among young people, a growing rate of anorexia and bulimia, and a host of emotional problems.

from yonoson rosenblum's article on the subject:

Quote:
The publication of Nathaniel Braden’s The Psychology of Self-Esteem in 1969 ushered in the self-esteem movement in the United States. Self-esteem was proclaimed the key to every aspect of life. The precepts of the movement dovetailed nicely with the needs of parents with increasingly little time to spend with their children. Parents convinced themselves that they could compensate for their absence with heavy doses of generalized praise of the “you’re the greatest” variety.

Recent studies, however – some by early enthusiasts of the self-esteem movement – have found that high self-esteem bears little relation to concrete achievement. In one comparative international study of math achievement, for instance, children in the United States ranked near the very bottom. Yet when asked to assess their own mathematical abilities, American children gave themselves the highest marks of any nation. (And this was at a time when only one in a thousand American students would have ranked in the top ten percent of Japanese students their age.)

Not only is there little reason to believe that constant efforts to build children’s self-esteem boosts either their short-term achievements or their chances for long-term success in life, there is evidence that endlessly telling them “You’re special,” can be damaging. Since 1982, a team of psychologists has been evaluating American college students according to something called the Narcissistic Personality Inventory. And they have charted a steady and dramatic increase in narcissism among those tested.

http://www.cross-currents.com/.....aise/
Back to top

gryp




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 22 2007, 5:34 pm
I've heard Dr Laura say that you can't have real self-esteem until you're old enough to have achieved something you can be proud of by yourself.
Back to top

Motek




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 22 2007, 5:41 pm
GR wrote:
I've heard Dr Laura say that you can't have real self-esteem until you're old enough to have achieved something you can be proud of by yourself.


standing up in the crib? Wink
Back to top
Page 1 of 2 1  2  Next Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
I love frum fashion for kids
by amother
149 Today at 3:03 am View last post
Some kids don’t thrive in a school setting 33 Yesterday at 10:54 pm View last post
Are all kids like this??
by amother
4 Yesterday at 2:49 pm View last post
Belati Kids
by amother
0 Yesterday at 11:05 am View last post
Saying no to kids for selfish reasons
by amother
47 Yesterday at 7:37 am View last post