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Advice Needed: Really Generous Child.

 
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amother






Post  Thu, May 11 2006, 5:18 pm
Okay, so my sons school (he is in lower elementary school) is doing one of these tzeddakah campaigns with token prizes in the end depending on how much was collected, he brought it home all excited.

Then I hear some bargaining going on from another room, so while I was busy cooking dinner and stuff, my son managed to convince his preschool aged brother to put his $5- from Grandparents in the pushka, put his own $10- from Grandparents, half in his pushka and half in his friends pushka.

My inlaws gave them this money a while ago, a dollar here and there and the two of them were saving for a big deal toy to get together.

What do you think?
How should I handle this?
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goldrose




 
 
 


Post  Thu, May 11 2006, 5:26 pm
I'm guessing they dont know the real value of money. do you think they could learn from this experience? just let them go with the flow and they'll realize they "lost out" and next time wont do it?
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shalhevet




 
 
 


Post  Thu, May 11 2006, 5:38 pm
Big problem!
Maybe you could teach them that we give 10% (and if you want to,explain that more than 20% of our money is forbidden to give)
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Motek




 
 
 


Post  Thu, May 11 2006, 5:39 pm
How old is your son?
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amother






Post  Thu, May 11 2006, 5:47 pm
8 yrs old
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southernbubby




 
 
 


Post  Thu, May 11 2006, 5:53 pm
I was told that there is no prohabition of giving more than 20% to tzedukah. It just isn't obligatory and a person should not make himself poor. If a person earns a million dollars a year and could live comfortably on half a million, he would be allowed to donate the other half. If I would like to donate to my favorite cause rather than to buy a new suit that I don't need, am I allowed to even if I have already donated 20%? Somehow I am sure that I could get a heter!
The problem here is in asking children to make fundraising a competative sport. The older brother will schnorr from the younger so that he can win a prize. The younger may not want to give away that much but doesn't want to disappoint the brother. The younger brother should be told that as nice as it is of him to agree to give, he does not have to give that much. The older one should be told that it is wrong to make that type of demand on someone, even if he doesn't win. The parents should ask the school not to involve children in this type of fundraising. This problem has been written up many times in Jewish newspapers.
The children are all collecting so the parents are forced to take the pushkas to work or donate most of it in order to help the child win. While any attempt to help the poor is laudatory, this gives children the wrong reason to collect tzedukah.
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Tefila




 
 
 


Post  Thu, May 11 2006, 6:23 pm
For now there is not much you can do like you can't take the money back out of tzedaka Exclamation except to sit down with them and talk about Tzedaka and how and what one should give. And if they have questions about how much they should ask mommy or Tatty before they give.
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amother






Post  Thu, May 11 2006, 6:28 pm
I just asked my 4 yr old why he gave put all his money in tzeddakah and he said so that his big brother will share the prize with him.
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Tefila




 
 
 


Post  Thu, May 11 2006, 6:40 pm
lol LOL
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Mommy3.5




 
 
 


Post  Thu, May 11 2006, 8:52 pm
apparently, your son is buying the prize with his money.....its slightly misguided, thats all.
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hisorerus




 
 
 


Post  Thu, May 11 2006, 8:53 pm
Look, B"H he's spending the money on Tzedaka and not on something worse!
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faigie




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Jun 04 2006, 9:10 am
okkkkk.. sounds like my son when he was small..............
warning. it wont change when he gets bigger
it seems my son just seems to have betachon, that if he gives away more, even more then is perscribed hashem will replace it. he never gives a 2nd thought to it. amazingly he has the ability to give where it should be given, and he doesnt just give indesciminately. I have no idea where he got this from. I never taught him like this.
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chocolate moose




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Jun 04 2006, 9:26 am
my kids did that too. it doesn't last.
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Mitzvahmom




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Jun 04 2006, 9:42 am
I did that as a kid... then always complained to my mother that I had no money.. She pointed out that maybe I should stop giving it all away! so I gave less next time (btw not a frum family at that time).
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chen




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 05 2006, 9:26 am
Mommy3.5 wrote:
apparently, your son is buying the prize with his money.....its slightly misguided, thats all.


How does that differ qualitatively from using maaser money for a chinese auction because you really, really want that diamond necklace??
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