Going from financially comfortable to poor

amother

Fri, May 17 2024, 8:48 am

For many years we were financially Comfortable. Lately Things have spiraled downwards and we literally have no money.

My kids (teens) have expectations. How do I speak to them to get them to understand to lower their expectations?

amother

cornflower

Fri, May 17 2024, 9:29 am

I can relate to this. But it's not really because of my teens' expectations. Life literally gets more expensive as your kids get older. Compound that with the spiraling economy (I'm paying twice as much for food as we did 3 years ago), and life is no longer affordable.

amother

cornflower

Fri, May 17 2024, 10:38 am

Here is an interesting article that explains the out of control inflation. It now requires at least $177k for a family with 2 kids to live comfortably, depending on your state. And that is not factoring in additional frum costs, such as tuition and simchas. New York is obviously higher, close to $300k, if I remember correctly.
https://www.zerohedge.com/pers.....ly-us

amother

Tangerine

Fri, May 17 2024, 10:44 am

That’s me too and it is hard to convey this to teens especially who have wealthy friends but without making them worry too much.

amother

cornflower

Fri, May 17 2024, 10:50 am

amother Tangerine wrote:

That’s me too and it is hard to convey this to teens especially who have wealthy friends but without making them worry too much.

Yes, for the first time ever I had to tell my teen that something wasn't an option because we literally couldn't afford it. (He was asking why he couldn't go to camp for both halves). In theory, I don't like to do that, because I don't want to cause him anxiety. But for this, I felt I needed to give him a healthy dose of reality that times are different.

mummiedearest

Fri, May 17 2024, 10:52 am

Teens can handle this. Be honest with them. Let them know what your family’s status is now. Tell them you don’t object to them having what they want, but they’ll have to find their own spending money for now. Teens who are motivated will find jobs and save up for what they want. They’ll be more “deprived” if you don’t tell them. They need the incentive to find jobs.

amother

Nemesia

Fri, May 17 2024, 10:54 am

I have four kids and we are making 140. I cry every single day. We are scratching our way to make more but it’s just not working out. I was never ever a jealous person but I’m so envious of those who are financially comfortable. My life is so much more stressful now although I’m trying so hard to work on my bitachon it’s not helping yet.
I wish I had appreciated it more when we were in that state. Never wealthy but able to cover expenses completely.

amother

Seashell

Fri, May 17 2024, 11:07 am

there are no easy answers
the consumeristic attitude is literally consuming us all
honesty and forthright do work best
they'll figure it out anyway
so practice developing a positive attitude to the changes your facing
and let that infuse the household and trickle down
iy'h you should pull through

amother

cornflower

Fri, May 17 2024, 11:08 am

amother Nemesia wrote:

Same salary and same amount of kids, if that makes you feel better! Bitachon is the only way to go!

B'Syata D'Shmya

Fri, May 17 2024, 11:18 am

I can only beg those who CAN afford to hold in the reins and stop upping the standards so that our inability to give our kids the same, isnt so obvious.

Throw the tomatoes, I know that those who have, have every right to enjoy their blessings in any way they want. But since so many of us (we are one nation, every Jew is our brother and sister), are going through hard times, some sensitivities are appreciated and I can imagine, will be appreciated in Shamayim too.

Till then, OP its OK to tell your kids, I know you want x, we will see if we can fit it in the budget, for now,how can you help make that happen?

I know plenty of girls who spend their HS years working to pay for seminary expenses. Nothing wrong with that. Teens should know that these are considered extras and they can also be responsible to help cover the costs.

amother

Banana

Fri, May 17 2024, 11:23 am

amother cornflower wrote:

Same salary and same amount of kids, if that makes you feel better! Bitachon is the only way to go!

I never really understood this. Are you saying that people having bitochon that the suffering is good will make things feel better?

amother

cornflower

Fri, May 17 2024, 11:44 am

amother Banana wrote:

I never really understood this. Are you saying that people having bitochon that the suffering is good will make things feel better?

Bitachon is what allows us to live day in day out without having complete anxiety attacks.
We've already seen a lot of hashgacha in our lives, and especially in parnassa. Hashem made certain avenues of income open up to us at times.

amother

Jean

Fri, May 17 2024, 11:46 am

It will get better!
Emunah and live within your means

Growing up we went from a house with a yard to an ugly apartment it was humbling but our parents gave us a good attitude and we were happy it has a lot to do with attitude

Later after we started getting married my parents moved again into a nicer place … they have less expenses no tuition and stuff but it’s really important to make your kids feel good and an occasional nice thing .. I worked for my extras like nicer shoes and stuff and now I have the life skills to live simply within our means.