Mother doesn’t respect our no shoe rule

amother

Electricblue

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 4:41 pm

My kids pediatrician recommended being shoeless indoors with kids on the floor. My floors are much cleaner than they were before. To be fair, I live in NYC and our street is absolutely filthy. Dog/rat/mouse/even human poop/urine, broken glass, drug residue, toxic chemicals, sticky gum and more are all the norm on my street.

imaima

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 4:48 pm

amother Saddlebrown wrote:

No, it's called basic kibbud av vaeim and you are clearly one of the only ones who don't see that.

I don’t believe that uncovering feet is bad and neither do my parents

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 5:05 pm

Another point:
I never wear slippers at any Mikva unless they are disposable.
Because otherwise I don’t know who wore them before me and fungus is very catchy.
So for all those saying they have slippers available at the entrance…maybe your mother is worried about fungus.
Either way I wouldn’t tell a parent to take off their shoes.
And for whoever thinks it’s a good idea to get a pile of disposable slippers…it’s not, because they’re very annoying to walk in.

amother

Clear

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 5:15 pm

I maintain a show free home and let guests know in advance so they are prepared.

I think it’s not nice for the mother to disrespect her daughter’s house rule. I don’t think removing shoes is unreasonable. It is actually more common in the world than not.

Those people vilifying the OP don’t care about not wearing shoes, but imagine it was about something you did care about. Try to have a little perspective.

amother

Clematis

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 5:29 pm

amother Clear wrote:

If a person is not comfortable walking around in someone else's house in slippers - would you provide lysol wipes for their preferred shoes and call it a day?

amother

DarkYellow

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 5:34 pm

OP, I think it's telling that the vast majority of posters think you should let it go. There's never consensus about anything on Imamother, so this is significant.

To be clear, if it was your mom posting here about her daughter's annoying rule, I'd encourage her to follow it. But since it's you asking - let it go. It's your mom. It's not a typical rule, so you have no right to impose it, especially on a parent.

Regarding your crawling baby - he or she will probably have a stronger immune system if you let them crawl around on a floor with more germs. Just saying.

(If your baby is immune compromised for any reason, my answer would change entirely.)

amother

Clematis

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 5:36 pm

amother DarkYellow wrote:

I think OP and her mom should end the passive aggressive disagreement and talk about it.

Cheiny

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 6:09 pm

imaima wrote:

I don’t believe that uncovering feet is bad and neither do my parents

It’s very interesting that you’ve begun citing your parents as also having the no-shoes rule, and using that as proof that it’s the right thing, yet you repeatedly say parents’ wishes don’t need to be respected if they don’t want to remove their shoes in their children’s homes.

Which one is it? Do we respect and hold from our parents’ wishes? Or is that only applicable when they agree with your rules?

Cheiny

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 6:11 pm

amother Clear wrote:

And most people think it’s not nice for the children to disrespect their parents’ wishes.

Why are you so sure that your position (that parents need to respect their kids’ wishes but that kids don’t need to respect their parents’ wishes) is correct?

amother

Clear

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 6:31 pm

I think that parents should respect their kids’ wishes in their kids’ homes and that kids should absolutely respect their parents’ wishes in their homes. Everyone should be respectful of others’ property. It’s common decency.

Cheiny

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 6:34 pm

amother Clear wrote:

And what if the parent has a reason that they’re uncomfortable with removing their shoes?
Are you saying that respect for the children’s floor should come before respect for the parent’s comfort or wishes?

amother

Clear

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 6:46 pm

In this case, the mother did not state a reason (pain, feet cold, etc). She just dismissed it. If the parent states a reason, then they can discredit it and arrive at a mutually agreeable decision (such as the previous poster’s idea about using Lysol wipes).

amother

Freesia

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 6:54 pm

amother Clear wrote:

It's common decency to not ask your parents to remove their shoes when they come to your home, regardless of what your wishes are, and especially if said wishes are degrading and disrespectful.
I cannot believe anyone thinks this is an ok and respectful thing to do.

Cheiny

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 6:58 pm

amother Freesia wrote:

It's common decency to not ask your parents to remove their shoes when they come to your home, regardless of what your wishes are.
I cannot believe anyone thinks this is an ok and respectful thing to do.

I think most of us are struggling to understand this as well,

Cheiny

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 7:02 pm

amother Clear wrote:

She doesn’t have to state her reasons. If it is uncomfortable for her for any reason, Children should respect their parents’ wishes. Again, what is more important, respect for parents or the floors?

amother

Clear

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 7:23 pm

I guess we’ll have to respectfully agree to disagree. The OP did not indicate that her mother felt degraded about it. That was you putting words in her mouth. I think that OP should share with her mother why she prefers to not have shoes and they can work it out.

amother

Antiquewhite

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 7:24 pm

I understand the no-shoe mentality, but I would feel quite icky if I had to wear someone else's slippers, even if they fit me (they never do) and were comfortable and had been Lysolized to death. Maybe OP's mother can bring a spare pair of her own shoes and leave them permanently at OP's house to change into upon arrival. OP can disinfect the outsoles and mom can wear them only at dd house, never outside. That would leave mom her dignity, comfort and safety, and satisfy OP's germaphobia.

notshanarishona

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 7:29 pm

It’s not worth making a fight over. Personally, it really annoys me when people ask me to take off my shoes. I have a bad back and it’s hard to bend down without sitting down, especially if I am also holding things. I also find it uncomfortable and slippery to be walking around with just tights/ socks . I think if your mom has already told you multiple times that she doesn’t want to then your kibbud aim is to let it go and not make a big deal over such a small thing.