Do you consider WhatsApp status an invite?

mommy3b2c

Wed, May 19 2021, 6:35 am

essie14 wrote:

I have no time to check anyones whatsapp status. I never look at that tab.

They arent the first people in humanity to be making a bris on the 8th day and feeling overwhelmed. Somehow before smart phones everyone managed to invite people to all smachot.
You make a list and hand it off to someone else. Either to make calls, or to send invites from your phone while you nap or nurse.

This. I was about to write this, but you wrote it better. Manners has literally gone out the window. If you’re making a simcha, you invite people. If you’re to overwhelmed, you give your mom the list and tell her to invite the people. Even posting on a family chat is unacceptable, send each person an individual text. If not, then people won’t come, and that’s your fault.

mommy3b2c

Wed, May 19 2021, 6:58 am

Fab4 wrote:

For a bris, I do think it's good enough. I wrote no before I read the op saying that it's for a bris.

So you expect your neighbors, friends and cousins to show up at your bris because you posted a WhAts app status that they may or may not have seen? Scratching Head

ddmom

Wed, May 19 2021, 7:18 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

So you expect your neighbors, friends and cousins to show up at your bris because you posted a WhAts app status that they may or may not have seen? Scratching Head

A bris is different than any other simcha because by the fact that the baby was born, and I'm assuming that ppl are told about the birth, you know bris well take place 8 days later(in majority of cases!)
I voted no before reading OP but for my close friends if I dk about bris details I usually try to find out and totally don't take it personally! If I'm able to attend I go and If I can't I don't!
It's very overwhelming to have a baby. As much as it is your friend or relatives responsibility to invite, go anyway even if they don't!!
There's also an inyan halachicly to not "invite" for a bris but only let ppl know of when and where it will take place so you're not obligated to take part.

amother

Gold

Wed, May 19 2021, 7:37 am

I voted no, but for a Bris I totally would consider it enough of an invite. It's a hectic, crazy time, and it's not like everyone doesn't know what day it will be, and it's usually an open house type thing not by invitation only.

amother

Gold

Wed, May 19 2021, 7:41 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

So you expect your neighbors, friends and cousins to show up at your bris because you posted a WhAts app status that they may or may not have seen? Scratching Head

People in a family usually talk to one another. If I don't talk to one particular cousin right after birth, I've prob spoken to her mom and asked her to spread the word about bris details, or the cousin's spoke to my sister, etc. Meaning, it's not a secret and it's a not a selective invitation. Normal bagel and spread brissim are generally open to whole communities and anyone who happened to daven in that minyan, too. Neighbors, friends, whoever is part of your life and knows you had a baby boy knows when the bris is and can get the info they need.

lovemymom

Wed, May 19 2021, 7:49 am

For anything else no. For a bris I wouldn't consider that the invitation but the fact that people know she had a baby they usually inquire when the bris is. The status is just extra for people who want to check if she put it there so as not to bother her but by default you ask and are not told.

Do you have kids? I just skimmed this so not sure. Having a baby plus a bris is an extremely overwhelming and emotional time. Please don't take this personally and please don't look at the poll to validate you feelings. A bris is a completely different scenario. If you told us she was inviting you to her sons 3rd upsherin party, you are her sister in law and she only put up a status, that's a whole different story.

mommy3b2c

Wed, May 19 2021, 7:49 am

amother [ Gold ] wrote:

Speaking to her mom and telling her mom to tell her is fine. I’m not talking about that. But if you want specific people to come, a WhAts app invite is not enough.

essie14

Wed, May 19 2021, 8:06 am

For all those saying you know its on the 8th day,
1. I have been to tens of britot that were not on the 8th day they are postponed all the time.
2. How in the world do you know place and time?
3. Maybe you dont even know the exact day the baby was born? Before shkiya, after shkiya. I have friends where I don't find out the baby is born until a day later so how would I know when the brit is?
Maybe the baby was born before shkiya but you found out 3 hours later? Or 24 hours later?

I presume when she says family, it's not a sister. maybe a cousin or something.
I don't always speak to non immediate family members before a brit. How in the world would I know when the brit would be?

SYA

Wed, May 19 2021, 8:14 am

When I've made brisim, it was a personal call or text.
Since I've gotten WhatsApp more recently it's a WhatsApp text on the family group, like all my family does. Same for extended family. I have to remember those who are not on the group and message them directly. Further extended family (my parents aunts and uncles and cousins) I ask my parents to make those calls.

SYA

Wed, May 19 2021, 8:22 am

I don't always check WhatsApp status so if someone posted I may not see it. Even if I would, it stays there for 24 hours. If posted a few days before I may not remember the details.
Messaging on a family group or privately, the info is there to reference the day of.

I don't post invites on WhatsApp status as I have many contacts - not all would I invite/notify of my Simcha.

If you want me at your Simcha then post on the family group like everyone else does.

watergirl

Wed, May 19 2021, 8:28 am

OP, you really should consider editing your subject line so people who vote before reading your OP know you are referring to a bris and not any other kind of simcha. As others have said, a bris "invite" is not the same as any other kind of invite.

Having said that, I am one of those people who is always scratching my head when there is a thread here about whatsapp statuses. It's literally not a thing where I live and in my group of friends. My whatsapp status tab shows ONE status at this moment (I just checked) and it is from someone who uses it to advertise her business. My teenager updates it from time to time. I just about NEVER check the status tab and tend to look only when there is a thread here about it. Yes, my friends DO post bris information on facebook a few times before the bris, and yes, I consider that perfectly fine for a friends bris. If it were a close relative like a sibling making the bris, I would be very annoyed. Also, note: a text message or whatsapp message is not the same as one of these status things and I would not be annoyed at all to get a text.

HonesttoGod

Wed, May 19 2021, 8:29 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Her husband also just gave birth, right?
ETA, I didn’t say I need a phone call, but how about a text from her husband to mine?

Wow.
Having a baby isn’t just exhausting for the mom. The dad has a whole list of things to take care of such as other kids in the family, planning said bris and shalom zachor etc etc.

I voted no because when I see an invitation on a WhatsApp status depending who it is and /or what it is I don’t take it as a personal invite. Except for a bris and kiddish.

Namely because I know parents don’t have time to remember each individual person they want to invite so generally do group/mass invites such as a status and family groups. There is also a thing about specifically NOT inviting people to a bris because it’s a mitzvah then they’re not allowed to decline. So you just notify people of the details and they can decide to go or not.

If this was your sil/sis I would say yeah she probably should have posted on a family group. Anyone else she assumed word would get around I wouldn’t take it personally at all. Go or don’t go your choice. Don’t be petty aboht it though she doesnt need that drama in her life right now. She’s trying her best.

amother

Amethyst

Wed, May 19 2021, 8:45 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Her husband also just gave birth, right?
ETA, I didn’t say I need a phone call, but how about a text from her husband to mine?

Having a baby and making a bris is hectic for both mom and dad!
Especially this week when there was also a yom tov.
People do get forgetful and unfortunately leave others out. It's almost always not intentional but an oversight and that's why they post on status so those that were mistakenly forgotten can see it.
Maybe your mom was asked to inform her children and she forgot.
Give them the benefit of the doubt. Making a simcha is beautiful but also hard. Details and people get lost in the shuffle. And, no, it's not the same as fundraising. What did they have to do for the fundraiser? Send a message. Thats all
Making a bris requires a lot more and the focus is the baby and what the baby needs. Not the guest list.
Our of curiosity, do you also get insulted when a close friend forgets your birthday?

avrahamama

Wed, May 19 2021, 8:58 am

A status message is not an invite.

The only excuse for them not actually making sure you know is that they are BH busy and have their hands full. I have always asked my mom and senior family members to please let their children and peripheral friends and family know on my behalf.

However!!!! I never ever ever expect only those "invited" to show up to my simchas. I pray that there is enough shared affection and love that even those I have not directly spoken to will show up without any formal invite or notification. I do the same and show up "uninvited" to any simcha I feel real joy for just to give a hug and mazel tov.

amother

Denim

Wed, May 19 2021, 9:07 am

I think you should change your question in the subject line of poll to add that it’s a BRIS!!! Otherwise it’s not a fair poll. I assumed as I’m sure most did that it’s a wedding, maybe Bar Mitzvah. Bris is very very different. If it’s a sibling of yours or your husband then you should know as when you called to wish Mazel Tov or brought over or sent the dinner you made them then it would come up see you at the Bris. Invites (information as to time and place as we don’t “invite”) for Bris are more for people that otherwise would not have been informed about the birth or details. Siblings should know and be informed as it’s your job after a family member gives birth to reach out not the other way around. And regarding the campaign that has nothing to do with this and please understand that I doubt the campaign was done at a time as overwhelming and hectic as when his wife gave birth!! I understand that all you wanted a personal text but please understand that in general these days many people even invite to weddings and Bar Mitzvahs through text and do not even send out real invitations since the beginning of Covid that’s all we have received. So the formal invitation idea has been tamed a lot in general. I think your hurt/anger is misplaced here and I’m sorry you are in pain.