"Marry off" | Imamother

Queen Of Hearts

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 3:12 pm

amother OP wrote:

Ok. And would you find it odd if someone said to you, "I married off last month."?

It's probably community dependent. So some people might find it odd. But I wouldn't just because I hear it all the time.

MommyM

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 3:16 pm

amother OP wrote:

But would you say, "mazel tov. I heard you married off." ?

Yes, I do find it strange. It usually includes son/ daughter or the child's first name.

kenz

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 3:19 pm

Wow what a nitpicky post where everyone is commenting on a different aspect of the same question 🫨. I still stand by my previous response and will add that in my world “marry off “ is definitely not negative or crass in any way. But you still should never ask anyone if they’ve done it.

amother

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 4:27 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

The Gmara clearly states the father is responsible to marry off his daughters.

Interesting.
I wasn't very clear in the beginning. I wasn't asking about the concept of marrying off children. I was asking about using the language of "marrying off" without saying who you are marrying off.
Examples:
"Have you ever married off at the Continental?"
"I married off last year"
"You look so young. Have you married off yet?"

I was wondering if this is common language in your community. I guess also, what community are you from?

dena613

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 4:48 pm

The sentence would be acceptable if it had more to it. WHO was married off.

I married off my son.
How many years ago did you marry off your daughter?
You can't end a sentence with "marry off."

I agree with you OP

mommyhood

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 4:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone use it in those ways. Made a wedding is more common in those sentences among the people I speak to.

amother

Skyblue

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 5:04 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

The Gmara clearly states the father is responsible to marry off his daughters.

Exactly. It implies exactly that scenario where girls had little say and were married off to benefit parents or family. It also speaks to offloading objects rather than people.

I get what we are actually saying, since this is used on my community all the time. I can see why its done too, because the parents are the ones who take lead in almost everything and the children mostly follow along. But from an outside perspective, it sounds really off. To the rest of the world it 'my ds/dd is getting married'.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 6:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

But would you say, "mazel tov. I heard you married off." ?

The thing about communication is that if the person you are talking to understands you, then its ok.
The term wouldnt bother me, but in todays PC world, it sounds possesive and paternalistic, as if the child was passive in the deal.

tigerwife

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 6:49 pm

It’s a grammatical question, IIUC.
If “married off” is an acceptable term, then it still needs to be in relation to a subject that gets affected by that verb phrase.
Correct: “I married off a daughter last week.”
Incorrect: “I married off last week.” (Missing subject related to verb. I is the main subject in the sentence.)
But since the entire verb phrase is questionable as well, I’m not sure any of these rules apply. Very Happy

amother

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 7:04 pm

tigerwife wrote:

THIS. This is what I meant.
I am aware that the outside world would never use the term marry off at all, but neither would they get involved in finding a shidduch or paying for the wedding (in many cases.)
I'm specifically referring to the grammar.
Is it not missing the predicate?

amother

Hyacinth

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 7:06 pm

amother OP wrote:

Ok. And would you find it odd if someone said to you, "I married off last month."?

Yeah sounds weird to not finish with "..your son/daughter"

I would only use it like "I heard you married off your daughter/son/one of your children last Sunday!"

tigerwife

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 7:08 pm

amother OP wrote:

“Marry off” is the verb, so that is the predicate. But to me it seems incomplete. The subject is “I” and the predicate is “married off”.

But it’s kind of like saying “The forest was rife” instead of “The forest was rife with beasts.”

NechaMom

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 7:18 pm

tigerwife wrote:

Can you explain how “She married off”(incomplete sentence, according to you) is different grammatically than “She walked off” (complete sentence)?

amother

Hyacinth

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 7:19 pm

NechaMom wrote:

Can you explain how “She married off”(incomplete sentence, according to you) is different grammatically than “She walked off” (complete sentence)?

Do you mean "she walked off" as in "stormed out" or "she walked off the sidewalk?"

NechaMom

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 7:32 pm

amother Hyacinth wrote:

Do you mean "she walked off" as in "stormed out" or "she walked off the sidewalk?"

I didn’t think of any specific scenerio honestly. Now that you mention it, only the first one makes sense as a complete sentence. I still don’t see how it’s different than married off.
If the person you’re talking to is not particularly interested whether it was a son or daughter is it fine to say “I married off last year”? According to Tigerwife it’s not okay. I’m curious how it’s different than walked off.

Last edited by NechaMom on Tue, Feb 13 2024, 7:36 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Hyacinth

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 7:36 pm

NechaMom wrote:

lol because in my mind saying "did you marry off" is like talking about walking off of something by saying "she walked off." The question in both cases is "off (of) what?" It's pretty important detail!

Tigermom can jump in here an answer though. She sounds very knowledgeable in this area.

tigerwife

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 8:26 pm

amother Hyacinth wrote:

Lol. According to a recent thread, Choirmistress would be the woman for this job.

I don’t think it’s similar to running off. You can say, “and off she ran” but not “and off she married”. In the first example, off is referring to the direction/ place the subject ran to. But when you say married off, it’s not a direction but part of the verb phrase. You need to include off. It is not the same as “She married her daughter” (yikes!). Married indicates an action happening to the subject. Married off indicates an action that the subject is doing.

Never thought I’d have so much fun with a frumspeak grammatical question!