Help, baby cries to nurse ALL night!

amother

Narcissus

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 11:57 pm

amother OP wrote:

Case study update:
Fell asleep after second round of nursing, thought I successfully transferred him, two min later he started waking up again. I tried calming him for like a minute then hollered to dh that I am DONE and he needs to put him back to sleep. Left the room, checked on preteens (in bed but not asleep, and glad I checked because they forgot to set the alarm that is vital in the morning because I can't move without waking the baby who is always on me by then), transferred the laundry, put away the laptop I foolishly left in the kitchen, grabbed a half a cucumber someone had left out. Went to put something in bedroom, baby spotted me. He was happily but not sleepily hanging out with dh. When he spotted me he of course decided he needed to nurse again and would not be redirected. So I nursed him for the 4th time in a little over 2 hours. He did not fall back asleep. Dh did. So now it's me and a very small compulsive overeater who doesn't sleep, and I'm on a week of not sleeping and have an appointment in the morning and I'm just losing it.

This is why I don't put him to sleep before 10:30. He clearly thought 9:30 was a nap and now it's party time. Party with plenty of snacks. I'm gonna collapse. I also haven't had a shower in too long because he has gotten mobile enough that he can get out of the bouncy seat that I used to stick him in, and he won't stay in the crib without screaming bloody murder.

Anyway that's how my night is going.

I’m not an expert, but if he’s ok u til you walk in, maybe you sleep in a different room and put dh on for one night. (I know it sucks for him, but u gotta function)

I have a 2 month old, I bh don’t have this, but if I would see this pattern I would leave with dh to take care, and just be STUBBORN. It hurts. But you have to function

tichellady

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 12:03 am

amother OP wrote:

You can’t expect a schedule change to work in one night. But I hear that you are exhausted and overwhelmed and need a break. He can cry and you can take a shower. You are allowed to shower. I hope his sleep vastly improves quickly.

amother

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 1:26 am

amother Orange wrote:

Sounds way too familiar (I actually crashed twice and refuse to drive long distance now when I don’t have enough sleep).

When my babies (and toddlers ahhh) give me really rough nights I try to get an afternoon/ evening babysitter and sleep from 4:30-6ish. Is that an option? On days I didn’t work I went back to bed during the day… really really difficult.

Agree with you that he’s not hungry at this point would just make no sense, he’s nursing to sooth and out of frustration.

He’s big to be in a room with action and noise and sleep through, do you have place for any kind of divider? My baby shared with an older kid that by sleeps through the noise which is a miracle.

I have an afternoon babysitter so I can go to work. Bh I was able to arrange to go back only part time after baby! Then I need to pick up the big kids and do life.

There is no action or noise in my room where he sleeps. Dim light, mostly dh sleeping with rhythmic soft snoring.

amother

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 1:28 am

amother Narcissus wrote:

I'm thinking of doing that but I don't think it can happen until the weekend and it's only Tuesday and I'm already falling apart. I don't really think it'll work because I don't think dh is actually capable of dealing with it but it's worth a try

amother

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 1:33 am

Case study update 2: he finally fell back asleep close to 1am. Nursing, of course. Did not have the guts to try transferring him again. Even when I shifted position to go to sleep myself, he woke up enough to push for more nursing. So now he's in bed with me but I'm barely able to sleep because he gets squirmy, if he squirms enough to wake himself up which does happen then he demands to nurse again, at some point I'll need to switch sides, and until I fall deeply asleep (which doesn't even feel safe to me. I'm not one of these people who feels that cosleeping is totally fine, I do it nervously out of desperation) I hear every squeak he makes and triggers my nervous mom instincts. I obviously can't take anything to help with nervous mom instincts because that all potentially makes you sleep deeper and then it really isn't safe to sleep with a baby. I tend to overreact to anything that could make you sleepy.

amother

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 1:30 am

Gave up on trying to crib train at all for now because he was getting such negative associations. I tried the pick up put down idea and all it accomplished was that he wouldn't even calm down at all when I was holding him because he couldn't trust me anymore. That can't be good. And he would start crying hysterically at the sight of the crib. Also not good. So I decided to step way back.

So now I'm trying for:
Sleep. Just sleep.
Methods of calming other than nursing.

Tried giving him to dh to put to sleep since he keeps wanting to nurse with me. So he didn't beg for food with dh but he didn't fall asleep either. After about a half hour dh gave him back, wide alert, and said I can't put him to sleep, he's so not sleepy. He was definitely tired at the beginning though.

Tried stopping to nurse before he falls deeply asleep while latched so he can maybe learn to fall asleep separate from nursing. Which he used to be able to do at least some of the time until a few weeks ago. He either cries to nurse more or wakes back up. I'm trying to get out of night long crying habits so when he asked for more I gave it, and again stopped just short of sleeping, but instead of continuing to drop off to sleep he just wakes back up.

So it's 1am, I have been dying of exhaustion since about 4, started bedtime around 10 (he was just showing zero signs of tiredness at all before then. We had gone out and he had a little snooze in the car and I guess that was enough for a while) and he did not sleep at all. He has been alternately happy and kvetchy. Btw much of the happiness has been while lying on his back next to me, so there's no lying down discomfort here.

I feel like nothing works except SOMETIMES, MAYBE nursing. I tried ignoring him (while he was calm. I think only twice in his life I've seen him fall asleep just from being ignored while tired. Not within the last couple of weeks), singing to him, walking around, bouncing/rocking, playing music, handing him off to dh, taking breaks to let him play and wear himself out and then trying all of the above again. 3.5 hours later he hasn't slept a wink! Though he nursed ALMOST to sleep about 4 times now!

I can't. I just can't. Yes I know this is a blessing people would kill for and I treasure every moment even when I'm exhausted but not THIS exhausted. I mean actually I'm still treasuring most of the moments, I'm eating up this little boy even in his sleeplessness, but also so so so desperately tired and frustrated.

I have tried going to sleep while he's still awake, but of course that's when he'd switch from chilling to crying. He knows. At wits end

Rachel Shira

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 2:47 am

You might not want to hear some of this, but here is a/the solution.
He is waking up like that because he has a sleep association - nurse = sleep. That’s fine, except it’s severely inhibiting your life and you’re asking for help making a change. He needs to learn to go to sleep at bedtime completely independently (wide awake in crib). Here it is, oversimplified:
A. No nursing for 30 minutes before bedtime
B. No nursing for 4/5 hours after bedtime (needs to go back to sleep independently at any wakes during that time)
C. Age appropriate schedule with consistent naps and wake times as much as possible, and most importantly a consistent 3, maybe 4 hours between the last nap and bedtime.
You don’t need to sleep train. But this is why I do. Because otherwise, at 5 months my babies need to nurse every half hour even while cosleeping and I can’t function. It will change your life if he learns independent sleep.

amother

Orange

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 4:25 am

Rachel Shira wrote:

I really think her baby is overtired and wouldn’t aim for 4 hours wake window. Probably 2/3 at this age.

amother

Blushpink

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 7:37 am

amother OP wrote:

Needs few days of consistent trying. and your commitment. maybe nurse for 10 minutes, then transfer to crib, while still awake but sleepy, hold down forcefully (not too forcefully but just that he stays down and pat (can take half hour or more first time) and keep doing that until he falls asleep. then pat less and less and stand further and further... start when he is not overtired. takes few sleepless nights. but bezras hashem it should pay off.

amother

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 8:13 am

I know my posts have been way too long to follow, but long story short I tried practically all of that.

I had him falling asleep without nursing from a very young age, because I was afraid of exactly this (had something similar with another kid. Would not go to sleep without nursing for at least a year, tantrums like crazy...) Somehow that didn't stop him from getting this idea.

I tried being consistent for several nights, it didn't work at all, we were consistently more and more miserable and hopeless.

I tried these wonderful ideas of put him in the crib, gradually move away, etc etc did not even get to first base.

I tried putting him to sleep earlier, he wakes up after a short time as if it's a nap and then doesn't go back to sleep literally ever. This has happened many times. Now I try to avoid letting him sleep between 6ish and 9 because that always always always ends with waking up a half hour later and partying the rest of the night.

I have tried bottles of formula in case he's hungry. Didn't help. He still begged to nurse, gorged himself, cried with discomfort, spit up a bunch, and continued begging to nurse even though it was making him uncomfortable.

He didn't go to sleep until almost 3 last night. Dh had him twice, about a half hour close to bedtime trying to prevent this, and later for 45 min when I was dying around 2. It was a nice little break for me but neither resulted in actual sleep and he can't take him for longer because 1. He needs to leave to work around 7 and stay awake through a very long day and 2. At some point the baby becomes inconsolable looking for me to nurse even if I've been out of sight.

Even after falling asleep beyond tired at 3, he nursed several mid sleep.

Of course the next thing everyone will say is to get out of bed now so he gets tired earlier at night, but how can I do that without collapsing on ~5 hours of INTERRUPTED sleep? Feels abusive to do that to him too but it would be worth a try except that it's completely not an option for me. Plus when I've tried in the past waking him up before he's ready, he cries and cries and doesn't stop until I nurse him... Back to sleep Banging head

amother

Orange

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 10:02 am

tichellady wrote:

This sounds impossible. Have you spoken with your pediatrician? I would honestly hire a sleep consultant in your situation if your pediatrician doesn’t have any helpful insight. Also when we sleep train it takes more than a few nights. More like 2 weeks. And my husband takes a leading role because I am too tired to think clearly

A sleep consultant will tel her everything we have been saying, just charge a lot.

This baby is before the point of sleep training, he desperately needs a schedule. Leaving him to cry at this point is just mean.

Op first of all I’m sorry you’re so tired. If it helps I pay a lot for therapy and spend many sessions complaining that my life would be simpler if I just slept! (Toddlers:) So I totally get it!

It’s almost the weekend. Can you ask your husband to help you troubleshoot this aggressively over the weekend? Waking him up before eight tomorrow morning trying to get nap then and then working on bedtime at a normal hour?

Also, I know you said your room doesn’t have action, but many babies do much better with a noise machine, and a fully dark room so they aren’t stimulated.