Preteen thinks she's all grown up.

LovesHashem

Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:47 pm

amother Glitter wrote:

I've never seen family seating at a wedding.

We must run in different circles then.

When families are so small that they all fit at one table, there's no kids and adults table.

All the weddings I go to, immediate family is at one table too. Except older kids/teens who might go back and forth between family and friends....

amother

Glitter

Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:48 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

A curious preteen really doesn't have any urge to pick up your magazine or an adult book off the shelf when you aren't around?

I am not saying they are being deprived, I'm just finding it improbable that a curious preteen or teen wouldn't pick something up especially if they see you using it and it's stored in the living room and very accessible.

They sure pick up magazines, look through it, look at the pictures. They ask me if they can read certain things, some things I say yes, some things I say that it's not age appropriate. I keep certain books and magazines in my room.

amother

Acacia

Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:50 pm

amother Glitter wrote:

Often when a group of adults sit together, certain topics of discussion automatically come up.
That's normal and it's ok to tell children to hang out with kids their age.

Youre being a bit much.. when I was 12 I loved sitting with the adults

amother

Aster

Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:55 pm

amother Glitter wrote:

I've never seen family seating at a wedding.

Always at the ones I've been to.
If not, when does someone graduate to the adult table? At 15? 18? Upon marriage???? (Which I guess might happen because of all the horror stories I've read here about older singles in their 20s stuck at the kids table. I thought that was an exaggeration, or at least an anomaly. I didn't realize this was a thing.)

amother

Glitter

Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:56 pm

amother Acacia wrote:

Youre being a bit much.. when I was 12 I loved sitting with the adults

I'm sure many kids love to sit with adults. But my opinion is that if there are other kids to keep them company, they should sit together.

ora_43

Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:56 pm

amother Glitter wrote:

No, it's not cruel. Everyone sits with their age and stage group. There's no reason for a child to be sitting with adults when there are other children her age she can sit with. Adults are allowed to have adult conversation even if children are around. It's not cruel for children to be sitting with other children. Kids are allowed to know that they don't belong everywhere all the time. It's not cruel.

But you're not saying kids "don't belong everywhere all the time." You're saying kids never belong with grownups.

I mean we're talking a family reunion here, not an academic conference or a shiur on shalom bayit.

Also note that part of the problem in OP's case is that there aren't other kids her dd's age - there are slightly younger kids, yes, but that small age difference is huge at this age. There's a reason "preteen" is a word. There are kids, there are teens, and then there's OP's daughter - and why is it any better that she be forced to be the one preteen at the kids' table, than that she be the one preteen at the teens + adults table?

Last edited by ora_43 on Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:57 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Aster

Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:57 pm

amother Glitter wrote:

I'm sure many kids love to sit with adults. But my opinion is that if there are other kids to keep them company, they should sit together.

So at what age do they graduate to the adult table? Now I'm really curious.

amother

Glitter

Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:58 pm

amother Aster wrote:

Interesting, I've been to weddings of all different types of circles, and have never seen family seating where kids and adults sit together.
Who's talking about 20 year olds sitting at the kids table? Everyone sits with their age group. A 20 year old is an adult.

amother

Glitter

Sun, Aug 20 2023, 5:00 pm

amother Aster wrote:

So at what age do they graduate to the adult table? Now I'm really curious.

When they're an adult.
When I go to a wedding, I'm not interested in sitting with my great aunts, I sit with relatives my age group.

amother

Aster

Sun, Aug 20 2023, 5:01 pm

amother Glitter wrote:

When they're an adult.
When I go to a wedding, I'm not interested in sitting with my great aunts, I sit with relatives my age group.

So an 18 or 19 year sits with the children, married or single. Since you said a 20 year old is considered an adult.

amother

Glitter

Sun, Aug 20 2023, 5:02 pm

ora_43 wrote:

OP's daughter is 11. OP said there are other 11 year olds there. Afew months younger, but 11. That's her daughters age. It makes more sense for her daughter to hang out with cousins her age, rather then to tag along with the high schoolers that are probably not interested in their little cousins tagging along with them.

keym

Sun, Aug 20 2023, 5:03 pm

ora_43 wrote:

This
Ime, 11/12 is a very awkward age developmentally, emotionally, hormonally.

They don't want to be lumped together with the 9/10 year olds who seem so immature compared to them, even though a year ago they happily played with them.
That maturity is kicking in a little bit.
I remember a family wedding 4 months before my bas Mitzva and I was so upset to be at the "kids table" with the 4-11 year olds. I was practically bas mitzva, I was positive that I was old enough and mature enough to sit with the grown ups.

I get that it's not appropriate for her to be hanging onto the 15 year olds the whole time. But if she doesn't feel comfortable with the 10 year olds, it's equally not appropriate to be pushing her there.

amother

Glitter

Sun, Aug 20 2023, 5:03 pm

amother Aster wrote:

So an 18 or 19 year sits with the children, married or single. Since you said a 20 year old is considered an adult.

Ok, you clearly have an agenda of ripping me apart. Have a good day, I'm not wasting my time conversing with people that lack common sense and just want to tear others down.

amother

Glitter

Sun, Aug 20 2023, 5:06 pm

amother Aster wrote:

I asked the cut off age. You said a 20 year old is an adult.
(See why an arbitrary age isn't a good demarcation?)

No, you mentioned a 20 year old sitting at the kids table and I said that 20 is an adult.
I think that everyone sits with their age/stage group regarding of their marital status. You want to nitpick and rip me to shreds, go ahead. Or you can use your common sense.

amother

Aster

Sun, Aug 20 2023, 5:07 pm

amother Glitter wrote:

Ok, you clearly have an agenda of ripping me apart. Have a good day, I'm not wasting my time conversing with people that lack common sense and just want to tear other down.

So no real demarcation line then. Which would be the common sense thing if you really had something to back up your child vs adult categorization. Nothing in between.
BTW not all families will fill up complete tables of people exactly the same age. Your reasoning doesn't really stand up.
Common sense would be not letting a table stay half empty because someone is 2 years younger o than the rest of those seated there.

gr82no

Sun, Aug 20 2023, 5:07 pm

Op said her daughter wants to sit with the older cousins who are sitting with the adults. That means there arent any adult only conversations going on because there are teenagers around.
As an older cousin who talks with the preteens when I would rather talk with cousins my age I understand amd say just let this stage pass

amother

Glitter

Sun, Aug 20 2023, 5:11 pm

gr82no wrote:

OP also said that her daughter wants to sit with the adults listening in on the adult conversation.