Tehillim for my husband and

hadasa

Tue, Dec 08 2009, 11:59 am

Lev melachim vesarim beyad Hashem. Don't give up hope for the community service or an even lighter penalty. Remind us before the next hearing, and we'll be Davening.

This woman and her son must be suffering tremendously. I hope Hashem helps her realize eventually that messing up another family will not make their situation any easier to deal with.

BeershevaBubby

Tue, Dec 08 2009, 1:29 pm

sarahd wrote:

I'm still wondering what the rationale would be for jail time. If your dh had been under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or talking on a cell phone or otherwise negligent, then maybe it would make sense. But because he didn't see someone coming around a blind curve???

Why are you asking about rational thinking from this woman? Her only son is a step up from a vegetable, she's never going to have grandchildren and she needs to take it out on someone. Since my husband was the driver, he's that 'someone'.

marina

Tue, Dec 08 2009, 1:46 pm

YESHASettler wrote:

sarahd wrote:

Rational thinking is important to ask about b/c she is most likely behaving this way for a reason and you need to figure her out to help your husband.

Needing to take it out on someone is not a bad thing. It is what each one of us would need to do in her circumstances and you must figure out a way for her to do that without jailing your husband.

Has he written an apology letter? Has he spoken to her? A sincere apology can go a long way. Has he offered anything that she would value?

amother

Tue, Dec 08 2009, 1:52 pm

YESHASettler wrote:

sarahd wrote:

I am the amother who asked people to remember the other man in this case. What a heart you have, YESHASettler. Able to worry about your husband and family but to feel for this man and his mother. I hope somehow things work out as well as possible for all involved -- that the mother and her son heal as much as possible from this tragedy, and that your husband and your family will be okay.

BeershevaBubby

Tue, Dec 08 2009, 2:15 pm

marina wrote:

He's stated to her in court about how badly he feels and how sorry he is this happened. He's told her (and the judge) that not a day goes by that he doesn't think about what happened.

None of it matters to this woman. She wants my husband to pay.

marina

Tue, Dec 08 2009, 2:29 pm

I'm just trying to help. Don't take offense.

What does your attorney say about writing a letter/phonecall outside of the court context? What if you write a letter describing the impact that jail will have on your family, on your children? What other things can your husband offer? Can you offer to contribute something towards his therapy costs? Can you offer to have your husband give speeches to adolescents about vehicle safety? Can you offer to have him volunteering specifically with disabled accident victims?

Aside from affecting her, all these measures might affect how the judge views your husband's sincerity. It's one thing to say you're sorry in court. It's another to spend personal time on restitution.

Again, don't take offense, you seem to be in a desperate situation, so I'm suggesting some unorthodox strategies. My husband rides a motorcycle and in that situation, I would want the other party to pay also. But to a limit. I would not want the kids to be homeless. I would consider that jail time might not be as useful as time spent in helping others/attempts at prevention.

Last edited by marina on Tue, Dec 08 2009, 2:32 pm; edited 1 time in total

Tova

Tue, Dec 08 2009, 2:29 pm

Ein Simcha K'Hataras HaSefeikos.

I am so sorry that this thing is dragging out even further and you don't have resolution TODAY.

[What's the difference between community service and work study that the latter precludes him from working his regular job and the former doesn't? Is it just the number of hours? Can you have the work study spread out over a longer time with less hours put in per day so he can continue to make a parnassah?]

sarahd

Tue, Dec 08 2009, 3:14 pm

YESHASettler wrote:

sarahd wrote:

I understand the mother's need for revenge. I am wondering what the prosecutor's/judge's rationale would be.

BeershevaBubby

Tue, Dec 08 2009, 3:32 pm

Tova wrote:

Community service would have been one day a week until the 250 hours (or however many hours) were done. Work service is 40 hours a week, 5 days a week for X months.

BeershevaBubby

Tue, Dec 08 2009, 3:38 pm

marina wrote:

Not sure why you'd think I'd be offended :) I'm offended that you'd think that.. just kidding!

I'll have my husband ask his lawyer about the letter.

In court, his lawyer expressed to the judge and prosecution multiple times that he is the sole income and his not working would pretty much put us out on the street.

And no, we can't contribute any money (unless I won tonight's lotto).

The judge can see my husband's sincerity but when she hears the heartbreaking story from a mother who has almost lost her son... well...

BeershevaBubby

Tue, Dec 08 2009, 3:41 pm

sarahd wrote:

YESHASettler wrote:

sarahd wrote:

I understand the mother's need for revenge. I am wondering what the prosecutor's/judge's rationale would be.

Setting a precedent? I have no idea.

amother

Tue, Dec 08 2009, 4:16 pm

Yesha, I agree with Marina that I think you should consider writing a letter outside of the court system.
One from you and one from your husband.
Does this woman realize that she won't just be punishing him but also your entire family?
I think a sincere and heartfelt apology plus a plea for mercy might just have an affect.
Maybe your husband can even offer to get involved in some sort of road safety campaign.
Just a thought

Besiyata Dishmaya

Tue, Dec 08 2009, 4:29 pm

marina wrote:

I totally agree with your ideas on this post and on the one on the previous page. Very sensible.

sarahd wrote:

Logically, I don't understand this either. It's not as if he's a terrorist or did it deliberately.

In the meantime, don't stop praying and maybe also light a yortzeit candle for R' Meir Baal Haness every single day.

Please remind us before the next courtcase. In the meantime, your husband needs to get some brochos from Gedolim: Rav Mordechai Eliyahu shlit"a, Rav David Abuchatzira shlit"a, Rav Eliyashiv shlit"a, Rav Kanievsky shlit"a and from whomever he can.