how often do your in laws meet your baby?

shiradye

Tue, Jun 22 2010, 8:44 am

Without reading through this thread, consider yourselves lucky that
1. your children HAVE grandparents
2. you have the possibility of them seeing your children because
a. they meet your standards/are willing to behave in your kids' presence
b. you live in the same area

As I live in the Holy Land, this is one of the sacrifices we make, the kids have grandparents and even great-grandparents, who are wonderful, but do not see them more often than once a year most of the time, and sometimes more than that.

MommyZ

Tue, Jun 22 2010, 11:01 am

shiradye wrote:

She also has a bil who threatened to call child services because her baby doesn't take a pacifier was crying and he wanted to sleep during the day. I'm sorry but as much as I love my in-laws I would never allow someone to condone such behavior.

amother

Tue, Jun 22 2010, 11:16 am

I don't think I'm in a place to judge OP's situation, but to answer the question at hand...

I love grandparents. I grew up 2 blocks away from my mother's parents, and they raised us as their own since my mother was a single mom. I'm closer with my grandfather than my father. Before my parents got divorced, my father's parents would move in with us for 6 months out of the year (they were holocaust survivors and my dad is an only child; they'd come from Israel to see us in California).

I have great in-laws, but I also make a big effort because these relationships are important to me. I my husband has parents close by, and all 4 grandparents pretty close by as well. My parents and grandparents are all a plane ride away, so years can go by without seeing them (my mother does come in more, but not often).

We see my inlaws often, but don't really keep track. They'll often babysit (at their house) and sometimes DH will drop off/pick up. I would say that the average is twice a week, but they often go away or are not needed for babysitting, so two or more weeks could pass (again, we don't keep track). I didn't see any option for "once a week, we insist" or the like.

Grandparents-in-law (DH's grandparents) we see about every 2 or 3 weeks, depending on the situation. We at least speak to them that often. :-)

amother because that's a lot of personal details!

life'sgreat

Tue, Jun 22 2010, 12:14 pm

shiradye wrote:

Bolded.

Barbara

Tue, Jun 22 2010, 12:28 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

shiradye wrote:

Bolded.

Besides, the OP's point wasn't that in HER particular situation, it wouldn't be wise for her in-laws to see the baby frequently. The question was what OTHER PEOPLE do, and what it reasonable IN GENERAL.

Looking at the poll choices, OP's position is pretty clear -- the first choice was *at least once a week, over an hour, they insist* Next choice is at least a couple of times a month. No choice of *once a week because we like their company, or we think its a good idea, or they help us out*

If her in-laws are wack-jobs, she should limit interaction. But that's because they're wack-jobs, not because its unreasonable for a grandparent to want to see her/his grandchild for an hour a week.

Marigold

Tue, Jun 22 2010, 2:15 pm

Barbara wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

shiradye wrote:

Bolded.

ITA!

Having read through the other thread, (a while ago) if my inlaws would behave this way I'd stay far away from them.

Rodent

Tue, Jun 22 2010, 4:47 pm

My inlaws have met my 3 1/2 year old twice. They came when he was born and we went there to visit once (US).

They have met our 2 1/2 year old once when we went to visit the US. They complained that despite giving them at least 3 months notice that it wasn't a good time for them because they were going to their holiday house which they go to about every second week. We weren't even staying with them and they still went to the holiday house. They also knew that it was our only opportunity to go and we would likely not be back until the kids are grown (we were getting in before they turned 2), didn't seem to make a difference to them.

They have never met our 1 year old.

The last contact I have had with them was the day of his brit mila when I emailed a photo and told them his name. They acknowledged that and have not replied to any communication since and stopped birthday cards for the kids and everything so we can only assume that we have been cut off (we know they are fine).

They will likely never meet our children again.

Whilst the relationship was always strained and is in some ways easier, I find cutting off their own grandchildren as unnecessarily harsh, even if they never have anything to do with me and my husband again. But there's nothing we can do about it, it's their loss.

life'sgreat

Tue, Jun 22 2010, 7:03 pm

Rodent wrote:

And your pain. I'm sorry. Hug

mommy7

Tue, Jun 22 2010, 7:16 pm

I have friends whose in laws want to be and are very involved with the grandkids. This is how it works:

Bobs and Zaid have a set time every week to see the grandkids. The grandkids are dropped off every Sunday morning for 3 hours to hang out with the grandparents, who stuff them with nosh, let them jump on their beds, take them for pizza breakfast, play Uncle Moishie videos 16 times in a row, whatever.

My friend gets 3 free hours on Sunday morning. Gparents and gkids spend stress-free time together without a hovering mother or critical grandmother.

Everyone wins.

Suggest it to your MIL. See what she says.

sky

Tue, Jun 22 2010, 8:59 pm

about once a week, sometimes more, sometimes less, depending on what is happening, but they don't insist. We happen to live in the same city and our paths cross often.
And I grew up with grandparents close by and am grateful for the experience and memories. I hope my children have the same.