 |
|
 |
 |
|
|
Forum
-> Interesting Discussions
amother
|
 Mon, Nov 08 2010, 3:31 pm
I am thinking about approaching a 3rd or 4th cousin of mine whom I never met for some $. I am not totally desperate but we are having a very hard financial time and was wondering if it's time for me to approach him. Maybe I would just introduce myself the first time and then setup another meeting and then ask for some financial help.
He does give lots of tzedakah is shomer shabbos etc.
Any thoughts?
| |
|
| Back to top |
 0
|
amother
|
Mon, Nov 08 2010, 3:44 pm
|
The way you ask this sounds like you mean since we are related I should be comfortable off your $ too. Which sounds really bad.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
amother
|
Mon, Nov 08 2010, 3:45 pm
Think of it this way: Would you want long lost relatives to suddenly remember that you exist just because they want your money?
I wouldn't be too happy about it.
| |
|
| Back to top |
1
|
amother
|
Mon, Nov 08 2010, 3:48 pm
Reality: Rich relatives won't be inclined to give people they've never met. Think about it if you were them. would you give money to someone whom you've just met, who's coming only cuz they want tzedaka, a loan etc.... Sometimes, strangers are more inclined to give than distant relatives.
hope your situation improves soon...
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
amother
|
Mon, Nov 08 2010, 4:06 pm
|
OP here: I wouldn't ask him in the first meeting I would call to schedule an appointment and then maybe after meeting ask for another get together and maybe then ask for some assistance. I would do it in a tactful classy way. Besides he is giving strangers money anyway as their are alot of people that go collecting that go to him for $.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
freshie
|
Mon, Nov 08 2010, 4:10 pm
| amother wrote: | | OP here: I wouldn't ask him in the first meeting I would call to schedule an appointment and then maybe after meeting ask for another get together and maybe then ask for some assistance. I would do it in a tactful classy way. Besides he is giving strangers money anyway as their are alot of people that go collecting that go to him for $. |
Do you really think he wont see through you? act as classy as you want but he knows and you know that you only care about his money not him.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
amother
|
Mon, Nov 08 2010, 4:12 pm
Then go to him as a stranger and ask for money. Don't play the long-lost relative card; it's tacky.
I have a 2nd cousin who I have met, many years ago, and it would never dawn on me or my brother (who is seriously in financial distress) to go to him.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
Liba
|
Mon, Nov 08 2010, 4:27 pm
I wouldn't pretend to care about them as a relative. It doesn't sound like they are new to having money and what people try to do to get money from them. Going to meet them once and then asking on a second meeting for money is fake, certainly not tactful or classy. You really don't want to know them and wouldn't be meeting with them because they are a distant cousin if they didn't have money.
If you really need help, go just like any other stranger and be prepared with a letter from a rav supporting your need.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
laykee
|
Mon, Nov 08 2010, 6:14 pm
B"H we are on the other side of this issue. My DH is a big baal tzdaka but gives support very quietly. No dinners honors, building names or anything like that for us. Almost no one has any idea what we give. But no matter how much we try and keep things quiet, people do know that we help others. So here is some advice.
Try to find someone who knows you (your situation) and who knows your distant relative. Ask them to approach your 'cousin'. People who give, hate to be put on the spot. They are more likely to give something if given a choice and if they do not feel pressure that they have to give a big amount.
If you do not want, can not find or trust someone else to get involved, make the call yourself.
In the call:
1- DO NOT ask for stam a meeting.
2-Tell him directly that you want to meet to ask for financial help.
3- Think of 2 or 3 sentences that best explains your situation. Be open as to how much you are looking for.
4- Be prepared if he says either sorry but no, or ok ill send you something without telling you how much. Do not push him to tell you why or how much.
5- Be thankful no matter what he says. If he says no (or not now) ask him if you can call him another time when it might be a better time.
(my DH agreed with all my points and added; see if you can get a Gemach, shul or any community charity to be the go between so he can make the check out to that charity.
I wish you hatzlocha in your matzav and may the RBS"O hear all your tefilos.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
Nomad
|
Mon, Nov 08 2010, 6:50 pm
I agree with laykee's points.
asking him to meet twice is a waste of his time and frankly really not that nice if all you want out of him is money.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
greenfire
|
Mon, Nov 08 2010, 6:57 pm
tactless on many points to ask him ...
ironically tzedaka should go to family first ...
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
mirror
|
Mon, Nov 08 2010, 7:02 pm
Good luck with whatever you do.
Don't count on it, though.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
happyone
|
Mon, Nov 08 2010, 7:06 pm
| amother wrote: | I am thinking about approaching a 3rd or 4th cousin of mine whom I never met for some $. I am not totally desperate but we are having a very hard financial time and was wondering if it's time for me to approach him. Maybe I would just introduce myself the first time and then setup another meeting and then ask for some financial help.
He does give lots of tzedakah is shomer shabbos etc.
Any thoughts? |
If you're not totally desperate, why would you assume he should give you money? You never met him. He's a distant relative. You only want to forge a relationship to get some money. I don't know. Doesnt sound right to me... If you were in a dire situation and had no where else to turn that's another story.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
csb
|
Mon, Nov 08 2010, 7:22 pm
[quote]If you're not totally desperate, why would you assume he should give you money? You never met him. He's a distant relative. You only want to forge a relationship to get some money. I don't know. Doesnt sound right to me... If you were in a dire situation and had no where else to turn that's another story. [/quote]
And if youre relative would ask you questions such as "did you do everything you can to try to find the money" or "did you cut back on expenses" etc. will you be able to answer honestly that you really tried everything, as it does not seem like you are really so desperate.
If you did not try everything and this is the absolute last shot you have, than it really just seems like you are mooching off the guy, cuz hey, he's related, so why not use some of his money, which is kinda rude and self indulgent.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
Capitalchick
|
Mon, Nov 08 2010, 7:28 pm
Sorry, this is going to come across as harsh, but I'm posting with my name, so I'm not hiding behind the 'amother' name.
What on earth would convince you that you have any right to that money or even to ask him for that money?
And what would be the purpose of 'just meeting him once, and then arranging to meet again to ask"? Like seriously....do you think that it somehow makes you MORE entitled to receive any gifts because you met him once?
I mean, I assume you and your husband are both able-bodied adults, right? So, like, what gives? Why are you asking for handouts? Take another job. Do some tutoring. Clean someone's house. Whatever...
I just do not understand what the rationale could be between you having a distant relative with money...and thinking that this is a good source of funds for you and your family?
MAYBE...maybe...if you, Gd forbid, had some rare disease that required immediate and extremely expensive treatment, I could see the purpose and the justification.
I dunno...the whole idea is just very uncomfortable, smacks of entitlement and, frankly, makes me think that you really do think that rich people should be willing to part with money and give it to relatives.
| |
|
| Back to top |
1
|
faigie
|
Mon, Nov 08 2010, 7:34 pm
|
make an appt with his secretary, then speak to him.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
Capitalchick
|
Mon, Nov 08 2010, 7:39 pm
| faigie wrote: | | make an appt with his secretary, then speak to him. |
But why? WHY should it be OK for her to call this man and ask him for money?
This is NO different than standing on a street corner with an extended hand.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
JC
|
Mon, Nov 08 2010, 8:04 pm
| Capitalchick wrote: | | faigie wrote: | | make an appt with his secretary, then speak to him. |
But why? WHY should it be OK for her to call this man and ask him for money?
This is NO different than standing on a street corner with an extended hand. |
Cap, this is VERY different!!
If you stand on a street corner people can walk right by without giving you anything and if you do give its a one time thing and you have no worry that the shnorrer will come back at you for more.
This situation corners the relative putting him in an uncomfortable position and he also has to be worried that you will come back to be supported on a regular basis.
OP are you asking him to bail you out of debt, or are you asking for a loan or investment?
Do you have a solid plan to pay him back if its a loan?
Do you have a solid business plan if your asking for an investment?
If your asking for a bailout, do you have a plan for not ending up beck in debt and back on his front porch asking for more?
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
Merrymom
|
Tue, Nov 09 2010, 12:29 am
|
I'm just wondering who's writing a thesis on Imamother.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
pina colada
|
Tue, Nov 09 2010, 12:33 am
| Merrymom wrote: | | I'm just wondering who's writing a thesis on Imamother. | 
its not under financial issues or family forums, its under intellectual stuff, I may be wrong but just saying
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
| Related Topics |
Replies |
Last Post |
|
|
Find your cousin! Do we share an ancestor?
|
692 |
Thu, Apr 18 2024, 9:26 pm  |
|
|
Gown gemach for friend/cousin/nieces wedding
|
3 |
Wed, Mar 27 2024, 11:10 am |
|
|
Cousin wedding
|
3 |
Wed, Jan 17 2024, 12:44 pm |
|
|
Im MO and met my dh through a shaddchan
|
2 |
Mon, Jan 01 2024, 4:13 pm |
|
|
Clothing for a cousin's weddind
|
1 |
Sun, Nov 05 2023, 10:44 am |
|
|
Imamother may earn commission when you use our links to make a purchase.
© 2024 Imamother.com - All rights reserved
|  |
 |
|
 |
|
|
