Do You Potch?! For Mothers of Children Ages 6-11 ONLY!

Leora2

Wed, Jul 08 2015, 5:55 pm

I potch. I have a 13 year old daughter and ten year old son (and eight year old son and 6 year old daughter) and they get potched when they need it. My kids get one warning, then a loss of privilege or a time out. If the behavior happens again, DH or I take them to their room for privacy and potch on the tush five times, hard. After getting potched, they get a time out in their room to calm down. We also potch if they get into trouble at school, same procedure. The kids know the rules and expectations, and we only have to potch maybe 4-5 times a year total. My 13 year old hasn't been potched in more then a year and my ten year old hasn't been potched in years. They both know that if they need it, DH or I will still potch them, though DH no longer potches our 13 year old daughter. Most of their friends' parents have similar rules.

Leora2

Wed, Jul 08 2015, 8:31 pm

They get potched over their clothes and only ever with our hands. Potches are only ever given on the tush and nobody's ever been bruised. There's tears for a few minutes and then it's done. 5 swats is not overkill. It gets the message across - they never need to get potched a second time for the same behavior unlike friends who get potched with a little swat over and over with no results except to hurt the relationships. My and my DH's relationships with our kids are strong and healthy. Potching is rare and so really makes an impression when it has to happen. My 13 year old certainly does not like getting potched but she hasn't been in over a year and she tells us she would rather get a potch then lose privileges or be grounded - though she thinks "getting potched" sounds babyish. Rolling Eyes

Most of her friends still get potched as well and her best friend gets potched over underpants only, which we would not consider doing ever. When used rarely and only in specific situations with clear rules and expectations, potching works.

sourstix

Wed, Jul 08 2015, 8:43 pm

I sometimes potch. I tryvery hard not to . because its always when I am angry and not in the best parenting mode. its when I am so overwhelmed and exhausted. that I lose it. my weekness is to see that when I am overtired or very upset about something to let my kids do alot of things and not focus on most things and get the day over and get my sleep and then things go back to normal. so I know I cant potch without anger so I avoid it and leave it to dh.

mommy3b2c

Wed, Jul 08 2015, 8:45 pm

Leora2 wrote:

Potching a thirteen your old is emotional abuse even if it is not physical abuse. It also against Halacha.

anonymrs

Wed, Jul 08 2015, 9:04 pm

Leora2 wrote:

Wow.....where to start....so many things wrong with this.

Lady Godiva

Wed, Jul 08 2015, 9:05 pm

Leora2 wrote:

Oy, oy, oy. Please don't spank your 13 year old daughter on her behind. I know that you said that you haven't done it in a while, but please don't ever do it!
And I pray that you are wrong and that her best friend (who I'm assuming is around 13, too) doesn't gets spanked while in her underwear.
Do you realize that a 13 year old girl is or almost is becoming a woman? How would you feel if your father spanked your behind?

MagentaYenta

Wed, Jul 08 2015, 9:11 pm

Lady Godiva wrote:

IMHO no father should be touching his 13 yo daughter's behind under any circumstances.

freedomseek

Wed, Jul 08 2015, 9:41 pm

Well, all this sensitivity to potching IMO comes from being raised in the liberal times were in... Today's parenting style takes all the power away from the parents and they become enslaved to the CHILDRENS RIGHTS. There is no end to the disastrous results this has brought about! The tide is slowly shifting back to stronger parental authority
Read walders book advice for life he's got some strong points there.

MagentaYenta

Wed, Jul 08 2015, 9:44 pm

freedomseek wrote:

Many of us have successfully raised our families without hitting our children.
Your rant is duly noted.

Leora2

Wed, Jul 08 2015, 9:53 pm

As I said, my 13 year old hasn't been spanked in a year, but when she gets in trouble for something, she prefers to be potched then grounded. We generally have made up our minds and don't change our minds, but it is her preference. My dh does not potch her anymore - not since she was 10 or so.

And panmom, I'm a mandated reporter and have been for years. I've made more reports then I can count. This would go nowhere. This is not abuse.

oliveoil

Wed, Jul 08 2015, 9:55 pm

Leora2 wrote:

Just because your daughter prefers a quick punishment to a drawn out one, doesn't mean potching is appropriate. She is way too old for it (not that I believe in it at all), from you or your husband.

amother

Pumpkin

Wed, Jul 08 2015, 10:09 pm

so does it seem like kids these days are more disrespectful and out of control as a whole? Is that because of internet, "I want everything now" attitude or because we don't potch?

My Dh and I agree we were both potched as children but not very much. His parents were more for potching than mine were. And our parents were potched but probably more than they potched us.

When I was in trouble, I feared my father's consequences he would mete out. I sure learned to not push the limits and a stern look from him was all it took usually.

Now days, it's laissez faire parenting. "Let them be children" and these kids are running amuck in school. They'll grow out of it. My kids know they can get away with certain behaviors in public, despite having a consequence later. Don't dare potch a kid in public!

TwinsMommy

Wed, Jul 08 2015, 10:14 pm

this thread is really hard for me.

one of our kids is officially (paperwork and everything) one of the most behaviorally challenging kids in the county. Her brother is also quite challenging. We don't hit/potch/ whatever you want to call it. My feelings are probably based on how much I was abused as a child (not JUST potched---- hit, kicked, called horrible names, etc), but I think even with a normal childhood I'd be completely anti-potch.

Because it's well known in the community that our kids are behaviorally challenging, those who don't understand their special needs assume that we're horrible parents. "if you would just give them a stiff potch....."

If I WERE to potch? They'd potch back. I HAVE been hit/ kicked.... one finger is permanently injured.... by my kids. Even if I had behaviorally typical kids who needed one potch in their whole childhood I can't imagine that I'd want to go that route.

We've had babysitters and camp counselors TELL our children that they need a stiff potch. *sigh*

Those who don't potch and can't imagine potching---- were you potched as a child? I resent my parents, consider them abusive, and my children will never meet them.

amother

Wine

Wed, Jul 08 2015, 10:56 pm

I was potched very rarely as a kid, and I remember feeling extremely horribly humiliated and degraded. Years ago I hit my kids here and there out of anger. I worked very very hard on myself to stop and I am happy that now I can't imagine lifting my hand to my child. Yes, my kids have discipline and consequences. They aren't running wild from bad parenting! But not physical punishment.