DH losing his job, friend had still birth what a day

amother

Thu, Mar 03 2011, 12:42 pm

chanamiriam, I sent you a pm

kitov

Thu, Mar 03 2011, 1:18 pm

Can anyone fill me in on the story?

May Hashem be menachem them, and hope you see better times real soon, Cahnamiriam.

BeershevaBubby

Thu, Mar 03 2011, 4:03 pm

For anyone planning on sending food, she has GD, so please don't send sweets.

Chana Miriam S

Thu, Mar 03 2011, 5:41 pm

She was so grateful when I spoke to her last night - she even joked about needing a bigger freezer and not having to cook for a few months. I know everything that everyone has done is so appreciated and today, I made a point of making enough dough to take challah and davened like crazy that we (friends- even those faceless on imamother) and family should have good health, happiness, parnossa and refuah where needed. I asked that hashem give their family peace and that they should soon start to feel the diminishment on pain, even though I know they will never forget.

I had a total cluster of a week and I was supposed to be making the dough tomorrow but I just thought, you know we need this mitzvah NOW, not tomorrow, and I made 12 16 inch pizza's in two hours. Thats a lot of dought and for today I really only needed to have one ready. I can tell you that I feel way better since I did it.

also, I just want to state publically that I think my husband is one of the smartest, most talented people I know and he is so experienced and well connected that he already has people looking out for him on a professional level. for today, I am doing ok, and not too full of fear. ask me in a month and we will see how I feel then. meantime, I am grateful that so far I am just being supportive and not naggy in any way. I know he does not need that from me. I also know he understands the gravity of the situation and he is working as fast as he can to rectify it.

Sherri

Thu, Mar 03 2011, 5:49 pm

amother wrote:

also from experience.... Here's a list of some do's and don'ts that I came across after my stillbirth, can't remember but maybe even right here on imamother. In case you are going to call or visit this person-

* Do call, or send a card, or a bouquet of flowers, to let her know that you are sorry for the pain she is experiencing.
* Do tell her that although you can't fathom her pain, you are thinking about her, and know that she is in pain.
* Do send over supper, chocolates, a snack, or a Shabbos meal. It warms the heart more than anything else.
* Do call her a few weeks down the line, when people have forgotten about her loss, while her empty arms still ache.
* And if you were planning to buy her a baby gift, do send her a gift certificate to pamper herself, she deserves it. She's been through a very difficult trauma and you can only help her heal in very small ways.

* Don't tell her that at least she had a few months to bond with the baby.
* Don't try to calm her, that at least she will have her freedom now. It's the last thing she wants.
* Don't tell her, as mentioned above that things wouldn't have been OK with the baby and that it was meant to be.
* Don't ask her personal questions, such as, have you seen the baby, and how did it happen, unless she clearly lets you know that she is OK with it and wants to talk about it.
* Don't give her empty Nechamos, such as, well, at least you are saving money, or at least you will be able to give attention to the older one... Believe it or not, these comments were given to some mothers of loss.

(Yes, a poster here on Imamother penned that.)

oranges

Fri, Mar 04 2011, 9:25 am

when I read the name Rachel Marmel, it jumped out at me as not many people have that name,
I feel sick to my stomach now. If this is the same person I am thinking of.... I can't take it.

amother

Fri, Mar 04 2011, 10:04 am

Is it Marmel or Marny?

challi

Fri, Mar 04 2011, 10:31 am

I dont know if she has internet access or is a member of imamother or not, but we have a very nice still birth support group here. Additionally I know sometimes it helps to talk to someone who has gone thru a stillbirth so if she wants my contact info please m me and I can pass that along. I'd be more than happy to be in contact with her even though she doesn't know me. At the bare minimum it could get her through those long nights.

Marion

Sat, Mar 05 2011, 1:29 pm

She has access but AFAIK is NOT an Imamother member.

challi

Sat, Mar 05 2011, 8:44 pm

thats fine. If she would want to contact me pm me for contact info.

kitov

Sat, Mar 05 2011, 9:11 pm

Marion wrote:

She has access but AFAIK is NOT an Imamother member.

Maybe it would be a good idea for her to join now.

Tova

Sat, Mar 05 2011, 9:57 pm

She posted on this site YEARS ago...her screen name is likely deactivated. I couldn't stop thinking about her when I bentched licht Sad

Mama Bear

Sun, Mar 06 2011, 1:18 am

she left imamother for a reason years ago. from what I'm reading on facebook I dont think this is the time for her to sign up for any new sites. she is really really broken and could use chizuk from anyone that knwos her.

challi

Sun, Mar 06 2011, 12:32 pm

OK well I obviously don't know her, but I was here years and years ago... But like I said the most helpful thing for many people is to be in contact with others that have gone thru this. If you haven't had a stillbirth you just can't get it 100%. Period. If anyone wants my contact info I am still offering pm me. no need for her to join or not be anon. I have an e-mail address no one reads but me and she can make one up to say whatever she wants.

This offer stand today, tomorrow and next year.