My turn... please help with my poem!

queenofhearts515

Thu, Mar 17 2011, 8:47 pm

Okay, I don't like to ask for help on these things (I'm very independent when it comes to my writing), but I'm wondering if anyone has any ideas for how to help this poem for our Mishloach Manos and how to present it. (We're trying to move out of brooklyn, in case you can't tell...)
Here it is- I'll bold the lines we think need the most help

Last years Shalach Manos were such a big hit
Our task this year was how to compare to it
Our theme was NYC, if you do recall,
A bagel, deli chips, knish and an apple - that was all
Our poem spoke about "living the life" in NYC
But times have changed - maybe Brooklyn's no longer the right place to be?
So this year, we hope our Mishloach Manos is quite as grand
As we explore our options across the North American land
We'll start close to home - in NY, way upstate
Where she would find a freshly picked apple on her snack plate
He's from "the sticks", out in the Midwest
The corn farmers grow there is simply the best
A trip in the summer made him Rabbi
Out in Maritime Canada, where it's anything but dry!
Grandparents and our Shadchan's wedding took us to the Florida coast
But we'd love a trip to California, maybe our cousins will host?
Achashverosh's empire spread all over the land
But what was even stronger was of course Hashem's Hand
We hope He grants us the Siyata D'shmaya to find us our home base
But we'd rather the Geula bring us to our real destined place.
We thank you for your friendship, we're proud to say we knew ya
Hope to be with you real soon in Yerushalayim Habenuya!

Any advice in the closing lines would be helpful- looking for all those rhymers out there- please help! And how would you give this out? We were thinking a white paper bag that's supposed to resemble a motion sickness bag from an airplane, but we're looking for more creative than that...
Thank you!!