Costs of bris/pidyon haben

shalhevet

Mon, Dec 04 2006, 2:27 am

We made our britot in the hall of my dh' s kolel (free). Food was ready salads and cut up veggies, pickles, olives etc, jarred gefilte fish, bought cake etc. But you can only do that if you have someone else to set it up- it's too much for a mother one week postpartum.

I'm not sure how much we gave the mohel. Our rav told my dh how much he should give him plus we gave travel expenses for a cab. (Our two non-Shabbos britot we had a mohel who came from Yerushalayim out of town.) He didn't ask for anything. I think it's really unfair not to pay the mohel - it's his time he's giving up.

Shalom zachor we bought drinks and nuts, garinim etc. Someone made the arbas for us. There is no need for cake etc since everyone has just eaten their Shabbos meal.

For the Kriyat Shema we bought ready made 'nash' bags. I think they were about 5 shekel each and we bought a hundred.

And, no pidyon. But someone else was right. Those girls are making up for it already. Very Happy

klotzkashe

Mon, Dec 04 2006, 5:41 am

WWHOAHHHHH
so much?!

A pidyon haben is a sit down affair - agreed.

We had about 40 pple which included family and close friends - OK maybe 50 pple.

We had a lunch/brunch type of affair with bagels and simcha challah for hamotzi. There were smoked salmona nd fish platters and loads of salads and sides. Cake and fruit for dessert. we had it by my parents house and it cost no more than $600 US

THe order is as follows.

Everyone goes to wash and make hamotzi and sit down. the last pple to wash are the father and the kohen. They make hamotzi and immediately then the father goes to bring the baby to the Kohen.

He gets the baby from whoever has put him on the tray and put all the jewellery on him etc.
Brings in front of Kohen and says something tha tmeans that my Israelite wife bore me this son who is first of her womb. (something like that)

Kohen asks him do u wnat to redeem or give him to me

Dad opts to pay the 5 selaim to the Kohen. Gives it to the Kohen and then makes a brocho on the mtizvah and then on the wine.

Then the kohen blesses the child.

Then the pidyon is over and everyone sits down to eat hte sudas mitzvah./

I think it should be no fancier than an at home sheva brochos.

Unless u have the gelt to fork out.

amother

Mon, Dec 04 2006, 6:43 am

Yikes. You are all scaring me. Those prices are outrageous. We are IYH having a baby soon and we know it's a boy and we will have a bris and it's our first and DH and my family are not kohanim/leviim so that means pidyon haben too. Our parents have no money and we're just newlyweds and paying for the whole thing (EVERYTHING) ourselves. There is NO WAY we can spend $1000 on just food at our bris. HA! I guess we'll have to be the embarassment of the city because we will use our shul (free) and have bagels and maybe some coffee. I already know that people will think we're just being cheap but I don't hear them coming forward to offer to pay for anything... Oy, ok, I will not let this thread get me stressed out!

mother48

Mon, Dec 04 2006, 9:12 am

amother, firstly don't stress. it's supose to be a happy time!!

depending where you live, and if you have help, you can do it nice and inexpensive.

do you have a costco or sams club by you? don't know if they still have, not you can get big tubs of kosher salad-potato,pasta even white fish. plus chumus and lox. if you have help, make a big list , have s/o buy and make the plattes.
I would recommend one buffet table, you need less food, and will look more generous then a few bowls per table.

a bris with tuna,egg salad, cream cheese, bagels and some veggies is also fine. you may want to stock up on drinks and papergoods to store in your house now, and then iyh if it's a boy, you won't have to go running.

the more expenisive brissim are the ones in ny where they charge you per person.

check if there are any shifra puah organizations that can help you with set up or finances.

Pidyon Haben. does not have to be a full sit down meal. yes you need to wash, but can then have(as I've seen by most pidyons I've been to) a buffet. a few diff salads, or even one big fresh salad, two hot dishes and rice.

people come for the simcha, not the food.

micki

Mon, Dec 04 2006, 9:17 am

amother. don't worry. with every child there comes a bracha that will make it possible. we are also scratching our heads trying to figure out how we can afford what we paid. and last night my hubby said to me- all this (the bils) is just paper. look what we have for it. a beautiful child, a new neshama brought down.

don't focus about the money. focus on what you are getting.

oh and we had 120-150 people ( we bought 150 plates, and we have 4 left!)

amother

Mon, Dec 04 2006, 9:58 am

If you need to do a bris for less, you buy the tubs of tuna, and enlist the help of friends and relatives to make some egg salad, buy cream cheese and bagels, paper goods, you can put a bit of rugelach or something, drinks, but its a worthwhile invest to get a waiter/clean up guy to run the simcha so you can enjoy it, they run usually 50 - 75$ each.

Or daven real hard for a shabbos bris LOL

you can usually get away much cheaper there.

For the pidyon if you make it in your house you only need invite the people closest to you ( which means less food costs) who won't care where you make it, but unless someone insists on doing the work it pays to hire a waiter so everyone can enjoy the simcha.

shalhevet

Mon, Dec 04 2006, 10:23 am

amother wrote:

Or daven real hard for a shabbos bris LOL

you can usually get away much cheaper there.

I know this remark was made tongue-in-cheek, but I'd still like to add that one is supposed to daven that the baby NOT be born on Shabbos.

And our last bris was indeed on Shabbos. I can just tell you that if you have a small apartment, no money and no-one to help it is much MORE complicated. (And you get much fewer presents Confused

) In the end we had a first course for a minyan only in our shul (jarred gefilte fish and bought salads and challa) and then went home for the rest of lunch. I was very disappointed and I told (and cried to) my dh that that was not what I wanted, but since I didn't have the strength to set anything else up or the money to pay a caterer, I couldn't complain.
It doesn't really matter now. B"H, me and the baby were healthy. He had a bris and actually had an amazing tzaddik as a sandak who doesn't usually agree - and that's what's important now; not how much shnitzel the guests ate. But at the time it did bother me.

amother

Mon, Dec 04 2006, 10:58 am

klotzkashe wrote:

Thank you klotzkashe, your description was very helpful.

cindy324

Mon, Dec 04 2006, 12:45 pm

Quote:

we didn't make our daughter a kiddush.

we also did not make a kiddush for our first daughter, my in laws talked us out of it Sad

Shouldn't have listened, because I've heard that a kiddush for a girl is a segulah for a shidduch later on. Can someone clear that up for me? Is that true? My dh said that we'll make a kiddush in honor of her bas mitzvah in May IYH.

after we heard that, we weren't taking any chances with the next two!

amother

Mon, Dec 04 2006, 12:56 pm

cindy324 wrote:

Quote:

we didn't make our daughter a kiddush.

we also did not make a kiddush for our first daughter, my in laws talked us out of it Sad

This idea that a kiddush is important for a girl's shidduch is pretty well-known, I've heard it many times. I don't know a source for it, but it's good to cover your bases Smile

I think making a kiddush by her bat mitzvah is a very good idea.

miriam

Mon, Dec 04 2006, 12:58 pm

cindy324 wrote:

Quote:

we didn't make our daughter a kiddush.

we also did not make a kiddush for our first daughter, my in laws talked us out of it Sad

A kiddush is very special and nice to make in honor of a daughter. As far as I know, this is how the story goes. A girl was having a hard time finding a good shidduch. They went to a Rav and he asked if a kiddush was made for her as a baby. They said no. He told them to make one now. After they made a kiddush for her, she found her bashert shortly after.

happy2beme

Mon, Dec 04 2006, 1:08 pm

uh oh. cindy, the shidduch is off! you didn't have a kiddush for one of your children? we can't marry into such a family Smile

Just Kidding!!

Yeah, I also heard the connection between a kiddush & a shidduch- no sources, though. And there's no time constraints when to make the kiddush anyway- as long as it's before she turns shidduch age Wink

mimsy7420

Mon, Dec 04 2006, 3:23 pm

You need to decide which one (if any) you want to make bigger and invite more people to (and therefore will end up more expensive).

To a bris you could invite friends and family - and to the pidyon you could invite only family. That way you aren't making huge bashes for both parties.

cindy324

Mon, Dec 04 2006, 7:15 pm

Quote:

uh oh. cindy, the shidduch is off! you didn't have a kiddush for one of your children? we can't marry into such a family

NOOOOO.....WAIT....Stop running so fast! As of Next May, I"YH that will no longer be the case. You and your lovely family is invited of course, and don't forget to bring my handsome future son -in-law!