I can't keep doing this!!!

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Mar 22 2012, 1:41 am

Dear OP, there is real time, army time and baby time. Baby time is slow. It is also not scheduled. I know you would love a schedule. But this is an organic little new creature who for now is just growing like hair, in spurts, and is no more scheduled than your breathing is.

I, we, know you love her to bits.

The baby KNOWS you are trying your utter best for her even when it absolutely does not look as if she knows. She does not have the capacity to show that she knows this, while she is in the middle of having a baby experience or reaction. She does not have the bandwidth to say in a quick aside, Oh, Mom, by the way, sure I'm yelling, but I really know you are trying your best. Pretend she said that, because that is what is in her little head. It just does not show.

She will be scheduled in time. She will be a competent member of this planet in time. For now she is under a year in age. She's just bumping along, taking it all in and still very much a newbie here.

Hugs. It will all even out in time. I used to take it fifteen minutes at a time.

You do not have to schedule a baby. Some schedule and some don't; it's like hair. Some hair takes a set and some persists in kinking into little inconvenient curls, and doesn't respond to anything.

Ask the doc if the formula agrees with her.

Even if you don't always want to pick her up just stroke her tummy and talk to her; that will go a long way. And make eye contact. There are hands in your eyes.

Hugs.

lovemykids

Thu, Mar 22 2012, 9:20 am

Op, I live in boro park. If you live here too I would like to help you. My youngest is 3 and she goes to school till 2:30. I am not working. If you would like, I can take your baby for 2 hours every day (unless something comes up). It would be a time for you to take care of yourself. Please pm me. I very much would like to do this for you. I have a good friend who suffered from ppd and it is terrible pain to go through. I will tell you my name and if you aren't comfortable with that, there are a few women on this site who know me and you can ask them about me.

amother

Thu, Mar 22 2012, 9:25 am

op here

this morning I remembered another big reason why I want her on a schedule (some what).
She's on reflux medication one of which needs to be given 20 minutes before her morning feed, since she has no pattern of waking up, when she wakes up I need to give her the medicine and then hold her for 20 minutes while she cries before I can feed her Sad

to whomever suggested getting to sleep early, in general its a great idea but it's more the interrupted sleep then it is the hours of sleep. My body has always been that way. So sometimes it's kind of counteractive- if I go to sleep earlier, I get woken up to feed her one more time. Perhaps it's about how hard it is for me to fall back asleep? I'm not sure.

I do need to take better care of myself in general that's true.

Merrymom

Thu, Mar 22 2012, 10:31 pm

AlwaysGrateful wrote:

Delores -- thank you. Merrymom, you are repeatedly posting responses that are way out of line and hurtful to people in tough situations. OP, I hear you. I think that that few (if any) of the people who responded here have ever experienced PPD. Hang in there, and do whatever it takes to get through it. If you decide to CIO, buy yourself some earplugs, or take a shower, or listen to a book on tape while you relax and go to sleep. Close the door to your room and ask your dh to do the listening.

In addition to that, I would definitely examine her schedule. Naps that are too frequent or not frequent enough, or at the wrong times, can mess up nighttime sleeping schedules. Also, I found it was helpful to feed my baby a LOT before bedtime, nursing maybe once an hour for the last few hours before bedtime. It sounds crazy, and it took up a lot of time, but it helped him sleep longer because he was really full.

Hang in there, there are people who DO know what it's like.

A baby is a baby and it's needs are not going to go away regardless of the mother's condition. If a mother was in the hospital we would get the baby a nurse right? We wouldn't say the mother's needs are more important. Working from that point of view, we do everything we can to make sure that the baby is being taken care of. PPD should be taken care of as well, but not at the expense of the baby. Somebody needs to step in and take care of the baby's needs first and foremost (if the mother can't do it). A baby is a completely helpless being and does not have to scream from hunger because the mother needs sleep.

As for your comments about my comments in other posts, feel free to pm me if that's what you'd like but do not make nasty generalizations without any specifics.

elf123

Thu, Mar 22 2012, 11:37 pm

I'm surprised that so many people here think that a 5-month-old baby NEEDS to eat during the night. At what age do you all believe a baby "can" sleep through the night without eating? (I nursed all my babies ka'h on demand, co-slept when necessary etc.) But I don't get my sil who will nurse a 16-month-old baby all night long as if he is a newborn...