do you share details with DH of daughter's development?

mother4

Thu, Jul 25 2013, 1:35 am

My pre-puberty daughter is divulging all her personal issues with me. sore nipples, pubic hair, uncomfortable wetness down there. She makes a point to tell me in private - not in DH presence. She feels its not so tznius for him to know....
I do repeat and share every concern with DH - Is it right or wrong of me??

gila-rina

Thu, Jul 25 2013, 1:44 am

Wrong. Unless it is a medical concern, you should respect your daughter's privacy. If it is a medical concern, except if your husband is a doctor, there is no need for details. Respectfully, IMHO.

etky

Thu, Jul 25 2013, 2:27 am

amother wrote:

I respectfully disagree - if her daughter has these private concerns, then her Mommmy is the perfect person to ask about them!

Totally. You want to encourage her to inform you of any physical changes that are of concern to her. Girls are often very disconcerted by these developments and need reassurance that what their bodies are suddenly going through is normal.
You also want to inspire her to be open with you in general. Much better to share things than to keep them bottled up. It is a pattern that should be encouraged.

Regarding your DH - no need to share with him unless there is cause to suspect a medical problem and even then details can be kept to a miminum.

gold21

Thu, Jul 25 2013, 2:32 am

I don't think it's weird that the girl is sharing this info with her mom.
I mean, she is probably like 11. She's very young.
As for sharing the info with Dad, I dunno. I think you should avoid sharing the more personal details and just stick with general info.

Peanut2

Thu, Jul 25 2013, 2:45 am

Please don't tell your husband. My mom told my dad when I had my period, and while I understand that I definitely hope she didn't share anything else. It's been a very long time since and I still find it horribly embarrassing.

I have a daughter and a DH, and I think it's okay to say something like dd is sharing a lot of puberty related things. As long as you can avoid elaborating and DH won't ask.

But please don't betray your dds trust.

chani8

Thu, Jul 25 2013, 5:12 am

We are very open about who's got their period and therefore doesn't have to get up and do anything. It's pretty common here, to hear a teen shouting to her father (or anyone who asks her to do something), "I'm PMS, ok?!!" My girls will even ask their father to buy them pads.

But we would never share details like what OP describes. That's very personal, mother and daughter and sister bonding stuff.

(You'd tell the father that she's wet down there? You sound like a troll. Gross!!)

tsiggelle

Thu, Jul 25 2013, 6:00 am

oliveoil wrote:

But it's also a little odd for her to be sharing so many details with you. Not typical.

I think it's wonderful.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Jul 25 2013, 6:07 am

DD tells me everything, but if I shared that information, I don't know who would die of embarrassment first, DD or DH. shock

DH would run out of the room with his fingers in his ears going "LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!. Not listening

DD would never speak to me again. Mad

chani8

Thu, Jul 25 2013, 6:20 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

DD tells me everything, but if I shared that information, I don't know who would die of embarrassment first, DD or DH. shock

DH would run out of the room with his fingers in his ears going "LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!. Not listening

DD would never speak to me again. Mad

Exactly. My DH is like, "I don't want to know. Just tell me which pads to buy. Rolling Eyes

" LOL

shlomitsmum

Thu, Jul 25 2013, 7:56 am

chani8 wrote:

FranticFrummie wrote:

DD tells me everything, but if I shared that information, I don't know who would die of embarrassment first, DD or DH. shock

DH would run out of the room with his fingers in his ears going "LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!. Not listening

DD would never speak to me again. Mad

Exactly. My DH is like, "I don't want to know. Just tell me which pads to buy. Rolling Eyes

" LOL

Same here !

The only time he ever spoke to DD was when she once forgot to fold a pad and Messed out DS who thought someone was dying or something LOL

..Dh told her matter of factly that he did not wish to make any more "grisly discoveries " around the bathrooms and to ensure pads were folded and wrapped in tissue because that is the "lady like" way of disposing of them.

DD was embarrassed

but B'H took the advice to heart . I only found out later and got a kick out of the term "grisly discoveries " so classic Aspie DH! LOL

amother

Thu, Jul 25 2013, 9:25 am

I tell DH when they start getting their period. It is a major developmental milestone and means they are healthy. This is very important to DH.

He does most of the shopping and buys the pads. He also gets upset that they do not dispose them discreetly in the bathroom.

amother

Thu, Jul 25 2013, 9:56 am

I would not share private details of DD's development with DH, but he does know that she reached the age of development and got her period - just generally. After all, he's her father and he wants to know that his girls have grown up and are normal, healthy, etc...

I will say, though, that sometimes when she's especially moody and irritable, he will ask "What's up with her?" and I will say something like "it's that time of the month" and he says "aah" and just lets it pass.....

willow

Thu, Jul 25 2013, 10:00 am

oliveoil wrote:

But it's also a little odd for her to be sharing so many details with you. Not typical.

Not only is it beautiful it is so important.

Tamiri

Thu, Jul 25 2013, 10:08 am

shlomitsmum wrote:

The only time he ever spoke to DD was when she once forgot to fold a pad and Messed out DS who thought someone was dying or something LOL

but B'H took the advice to heart . I only found out later and got a kick out of the term "grisly discoveries " so classic Aspie DH! LOL

I have no daughters so have nothing to share but this had me ROFL!

oliveoil

Thu, Jul 25 2013, 10:23 am

willow wrote:

oliveoil wrote:

But it's also a little odd for her to be sharing so many details with you. Not typical.

Not only is it beautiful it is so important.

I didn't say it's a bad thing, just a little unusual.

amother

Thu, Jul 25 2013, 10:55 am

mother4 wrote:

I will reiterate what everyone else said, but only because you're dd said she doesn't want him to know. I say it's okay because from what you wrote you sound concerned and asking you're dh for his help even though I don't know how he can.

I'm anon because I'm mentioning this. I told my dh when my dd got her period for the first time. I didn't tell him about anything else though.

mother4

Thu, Jul 25 2013, 11:21 am

OP here.
I thought I would get some more encouragement here. Oh, well...
I have only one daughter - oldest (+ a bunch of boys) She's very close to me. I'm very very open with everything. Whenever she has any issue, I relate to her by saying, "Oh I remember when I had this too" or "I think everyone has this- it's normal"
She keeps running to bathroom to wipe herself bc she says she is very uncomfortable when she gets damp. I'm not talking about arousal (!!) just general wetness which I believe is NORMAL.
She also told me her little buds started to hurt in shower (or swimming pool)
I feel it's important for her to have her father involved (she's very close to him as well) She just thought it's not "tznius" to talk to him. But she does know that I share everything with him!!!
Maybe you're right - I don't need to share EVERY DETAIL. I wanted to prepare DH for her puberty changes...