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-> Parenting our children
amother
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Thu, Jan 23 2014, 1:13 pm
I dunno what to do about this. DH family thinks car seats are optional at every age. Like when they have a baby they get a car seat just to fake it so they dont get a ticket. Half the time its not buckled in and even if it is the baby is allowed to crawl out and sitting on someone's lap. Toddlers age 2-3 and up just sit in the backseat, seat belts optional.
This affects me because DH thinks I am crazy for being so strict about car safety. I have had to make compromises like DD staying in her coat while buckled cuz DH gets upset at the waste of time. The first year we were marries we had a few fights cuz DH wasnt bucking her in right and I refused to let him drive until I fixed it. It took years to figure out a way to carefully change the car seat installation to latch, it was so loose before it could tip, but I had to be careful cuz DH was soooo sensitive about this, like I'm acussing him of not being a good father.
So what do I so when DH family wants to babysit DD. I know for a fact they won't be careful with car safety. But this seems a crazy reason not to let her go there alone. Best I can do is remind them to buckle her in with a seatbelt even though she really needs a car seat still and stay at home and worry. And DH will think I'm crazy if I bring it up.
Just a vent I guess thanks for listening!! I feel so alone in this.
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amother
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Thu, Jan 23 2014, 1:17 pm
amother wrote: | I dunno what to do about this. DH family thinks car seats are optional at every age. Like when they have a baby they get a car seat just to fake it so they dont get a ticket. Half the time its not buckled in and even if it is the baby is allowed to crawl out and sitting on someone's lap. Toddlers age 2-3 and up just sit in the backseat, seat belts optional.
This affects me because DH thinks I am crazy for being so strict about car safety. I have had to make compromises like DD staying in her coat while buckled cuz DH gets upset at the waste of time. The first year we were marries we had a few fights cuz DH wasnt bucking her in right and I refused to let him drive until I fixed it. It took years to figure out a way to carefully change the car seat installation to latch, it was so loose before it could tip, but I had to be careful cuz DH was soooo sensitive about this, like I'm accusing him of not being a good father.
So what do I so when DH family wants to babysit DD. I know for a fact they won't be careful with car safety. But this seems a crazy reason not to let her go there alone. Best I can do is remind them to buckle her in with a seatbelt even though she really needs a car seat still and stay at home and worry. And DH will think I'm crazy if I bring it up.
Just a vent I guess thanks for listening!! I feel so alone in this. |
I think its really nice that you are being respectful of your DH feelings but at the end of the day your children's safety is most important. I think if your DH was being respectful of you he would understand this is important to you and its not up for discussion. Ask him if he would be able to live with himself if he got into an accident and his baby went flying through the windshield.
If DH family wants to babysit just explain car safety is a must in your house, not a choice. Let them know you appreciate that they are respecting your wishes. If they fight you on it, clearly they aren't going to be respectful and decline the offer.
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tryinghard
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Thu, Jan 23 2014, 1:19 pm
just know that you are not insane, neurotic, overprotective, or alone in this
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amother
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Thu, Jan 23 2014, 1:21 pm
you are not alone! carseats are not optional. I dont have any advice on shalom bayit with dh over this issue but safety if your children is #1. this is a tough situation but..you dont want to hurt your inlaws or cause tension but do not let the kids get into a car with anyone...family or not...who isn't serious about car safety with little kids!
I also can't believe the way people don't use carseats/seatbelts...we once went on a field trip with preschoolers 2-4 years old and if parents didn't send a carseat the director allowed them to get in the 15 passenger vans and go anyway! BH most parents sent carseats!
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amother
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Thu, Jan 23 2014, 1:41 pm
tryinghard wrote: | just know that you are not insane, neurotic, overprotective, or alone in this |
Thanks so much I really needed to hear that.
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EmesOrNT
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Thu, Jan 23 2014, 1:48 pm
Car seats are as optional as paying taxes. It's the law.
Maybe ask DH if he'd be willing to break any other laws.
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amother
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Thu, Jan 23 2014, 1:48 pm
I had a hard time with my DH with this also. He just honestly did not understand how important it was to buckle the kids in correctly. I would find my 18 month old with one strap on his shoulder or the straps extremely loose. I calmly explained to my DH that using the carseat in that manner was just as good as not having a carseat at all. And I told him that I didn't trust him to take our son out anymore if he wouldn't be more careful, because it was so important for his safety. Thank G-d, he is more careful now but he still has his moments where he "forgets" to tighten the straps. I just continue to reinforce how important it is, and I strap the kids in whenever I can.
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Emotional
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Thu, Jan 23 2014, 1:50 pm
I think that there are two separate issues here.
Firstly, your DH is standing on prinicple and letting his pride get in the way of his child's well-being. That's something he needs to work on.
His family, though, needs to understand that they must respect the wishes of a parent.
I may not see anything wrong with letting my kids watch Thomas the Tank Engine on DVD. But if I am watching someone's child in my home, and the parents of this child don't allow their children to watch videos of any sort, I am not allowed to disregard that, no matter how unreasonable I think the parents are.
This is no different. Your in-laws may think you're Nervous Nellie, but too bad. It's your kid. Your rules go.
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SplitPea
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Thu, Jan 23 2014, 1:55 pm
Personally I would rather have his family hate me and dh think I am nuts and my daughter alive.
If it were me inlaws would not be permitted to take my kids in their card. Ever. I don't do car pools etc because I am crazy about carseat safety (my 3.5 year old still rear faces!)
Car seat safety is MAJOR and people can die. It would be a non compromise able situation for me. Watch a few crash test videos and read a few news stories about kids flying out of cars. NEVER compromise on safety. It is literally life or death.
Make everyone mad. Learn your facts and stick to them. Be blunt and honest and protect your child. You are all they have and you could quite literally be saving their life.
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rosenbal
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Thu, Jan 23 2014, 2:12 pm
"I am normal. I am sane. I am educated. I am a good mother."
Repeat as needed.
Sorry OP!
I feel like if you got through to your DH, things would be a lot smoother. Does anyone know of videos or any other educational info for parents that can help? Does he not "get it" and needs statistics, facts or maybe some educational info with an emotional punch to it? Or is it his nature to be stubborn and dig in? Do you see it in other areas but they're not "life and death" so you're focusing on this one? THen, I would think you guys need more help than just an educational video or something.
If he's just been brought up with a laid back attitude to safety, but overall is reasonable, there's got to be a way to change that.
This will keep coming up for you...
What about bike helmets in the near future? Yes, they really DO save lives by preventing horrible and irreversible brain injuries.
What about leaving meds around? I know that seems silly but some toddlers and preschools are obsessed with trying to get to people's meds! My 3 year old for example. My in-laws come with pills on them and they know they have to put it up in a high, authorized location...they can't just leave it in their bags. It's non-negotiable.
What about water safety? Who remembers the drowning thread from last summer??!!! Are they as laid back if they took your kid swimming?
I feel like if your DH is on board, you can be a united front in giving your in-laws limits about when and where they can take children. Unfortunately, I wouldn't trust them Sorry. If your DH sides with them, I don't know how you're going to stand up to everybody and keep any semblance of shalom...
By the way, just so you get where I'm coming from- I'm not the most makpid person in the world on this. I've been known to double buckle (older kids) on local carpools. Didn't always send a booster seat (with an older kid who still officially needed one). In my driveway (can't speed up b/c no space) helmets are optional for bike riders. I would still NEVER trust my kids with in-laws with the attitude of your in-laws. ESPECIALLY since they have no respect for what you as a parent believe is right and wrong. NO RESPECT.
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Boys3mom
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Thu, Jan 23 2014, 2:15 pm
After hearing about these crazy car accidents where people die, how can anyone not be careful with car seats....
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happybeingamom
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Thu, Jan 23 2014, 2:41 pm
There are numerous video's out there that show the difference when a child is in a car seat or not in an accident. Have your DH watch these videos.
I believe the number one cause of death of children is car accidents.
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amother
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Thu, Jan 23 2014, 2:48 pm
Anonymous because I'm talking about my husband and his family.
My husband bh has quite a few siblings. The wives are not so into car seat safety, and the husbands are not really involved. They all have infant seats, but they are who knows how old, and the babies are switched out ASAP into a regular car seat. My sil's have no problem taking my kids in their cars without car seats. "It's fine, were just going a few blocks." Um, no, it's NOT ok. Last week I came out to the car and heard my husband telling my daughter "it's ok, you don't need to take your coat off, I made the straps bigger." Because this is what he sees every day, he doesn't understand why I'm telling him it's not safe.
Babies r us is doing their big trade in now, and we need a new convertible seat, but my husband is never going to agree to it, even with the discount.
For the record, my almost 2 year old is still in his infant seat because he fits more than perfectly, although he is coming up on one inch between his head and the top of the seat.
Because my kids hardly ever go in my husbands car, I am not going to make a stink about the fact that the car seat he has in his car is way past expired.
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MrsDash
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Thu, Jan 23 2014, 2:49 pm
Automobile accidents accounts for the leading cause of deaths in children. Most deaths could have been avoided had the child been secured properly.
Please do not take this matter lightly. It can be the difference between life and death.
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fmt4
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Thu, Jan 23 2014, 4:02 pm
Why do kids need to take their coats off before they go in the car seat? Never heard that before.
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Teacup9
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Thu, Jan 23 2014, 4:46 pm
fmt4 wrote: | Why do kids need to take their coats off before they go in the car seat? Never heard that before. |
Most winter style coats can't be worn in a carseat, because in an accident the coat will compress and the child could slide out of the straps (which were fitted over the coat when it wasn't compressed).
One way to check is to put your child in his/her coat in the carseat and fit the straps tightly without slack. Then without adjusting the straps put your child in without the coat. Imagine with the force of an accident if the child will fly through the straps.
There are some great Internet guides. Let me find one
Here are the specific instructions about coats in carseats from each manufacture http://www.thecarseatlady.com/......html
It might be worth noting that the Freakenomics authors (probably discussed here) found carseats to be marginally safer than seatbelts for children over two but I don't remember if this was do to carseat use error. Also I keep my six year old in a 5 point harness except for carpool!
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MrsDash
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Thu, Jan 23 2014, 4:46 pm
fmt4 wrote: | Why do kids need to take their coats off before they go in the car seat? Never heard that before. |
If they are wearing a puffy coat, it can cause a gap between to child and restraints, which can be very dangerous in the event of an accident.
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morah
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Thu, Jan 23 2014, 5:41 pm
Get in touch with The Car Seat Lady. Maybe she can help you stage an intervention.
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