Cut Me Loose - By Leah Vincent. Anyone read it? Thoughts?

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amother

Sat, Jan 25 2014, 11:35 pm

BlueRose52 wrote:

I haven't read the book, so my thoughts so far are only about the stuff I read in the media so far (some of it directly from her), but it sounds to me like she does seem to somewhat inflate the adversity she had to face. For instance, until an hour ago, the image I had gotten from her account was that her parents basically kicked her out of their house, and abandoned her to be on her own. Sounds pretty bad. But in an article from today, she explains that they actually found her an apartment, paid the first month's rent, and even got her a job! They sure don't sound like such monsters to me. Similarly in the Couric interview she talks about what was most difficult for her was the loneliness of being on her own in NY and not knowing anyone. Um, yeah, so what? You know how many people go through that all the time? I'm not saying that's an easy thing, but every day hundreds of people come to NY not knowing anyone and struggle to get on their feet. That doesn't make you special. They'd give their left arm to have the first month's rent of a studio apartment paid for by their parents and be set up with a job!

That being said, one of her siblings has also stopped being frum and supposedly backs up her descriptions of her family and story entirely, so maybe the facts are all true, but she just experiences things as way worse than they really are. Meaning, even though her parents did set her up like that, to her maybe it truly did feel like being unceremoniously dumped on the curb.

Her parents set her up with a job and apartment in NY just like they did to her older siblings when they came to NY to look for shidduchim. Leah's beef with her parents was that they were more generous with her older siblings than they were with her. Whether it is true or not can only be answered by her older siblings and/or parents. However, Leah also says that her parents didnt coddle any of the children which once again makes me question whether it was just her perception that her parents were more generous with her older siblings than they were with her or if there is some truth to it.

There are a ton of yeshivishe girls in NY who come from out of town who have to find themselves an apartment and a job without their parents so Leah was very lucky that her mother cared enough to help her instead of leaving her to her own devices. The fact that she makes it seem like her parents abandoned her in NY speaks volumes of Leah's own character.

amother

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 12:00 am

BlueRose52 wrote:

I have no doubt that it is indeed tremendously difficult. I acknowledged that. I just don't think that finding oneself lonely in the big city, struggling to make it, is so uniquely harrowing that it makes for any sort of special story. Countless people do this all the time and don't see their struggle as worth talking about. It just sounds like more inflating the adversity to garner our sympathy.

Part of the problem that Leah had (in terms of being lonely in NY) was that she is shy and introverted so she didnt make friends easily. Plus she didnt get to go to Manchester seminary with girls her age but was instead sent to a seminar in Israel for older balei teshuvas where she didnt fit in and had trouble making friends so when she came to NY she didnt know anyone and couldnt rely on her seminary friends to hang out with.
Her sisters, otoh, were extroverted, outgoing, and made friends easily. Plus they had gone to Manchester seminary (where Leah wanted to go but didnt) so they had the advantage of knowing people from NY and hung out with them when they went to live in NY after seminary.

momi

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 1:18 am

Isramom8 wrote:

An in-depth critique:
http://www.amazon.com/review/R.....lpful

Interesting. Why is it that her husband is never mentioned ? Why does she not use his surname? Just curious.

mynameismom

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 2:53 am

I believe that is his surname... Her maiden name is something else.. I grew up with her.

amother

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 3:02 am

mynameismom wrote:

I believe that is his surname... Her maiden name is something else.. I grew up with her.

Vincent is the last name of an illegal man who Leah married so that he can get his green card and stay in America. She kept the name because it reminded her of a song that she really liked. And she mentions her current husband in the book but uses a pseudonym for him so we dont know his real identity.

Ok, so if you grew up with her then can you explain the dynamics of the Pittsburgh community? She states that she grew up in a yeshivishe family but then says that her classmates were modern orthodox. So was there no Orthodox/yeshivishe school in Pittsburgh that she could have attended? Or did the modern orthodox students attend yeshivishe school?

And do you know why her parents decided to send her to Manchester to finish high school there instead of allowing her to finish high school in Pittsburgh?

Isramom8

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 5:30 am

It's amazing the way some adults continue to blame their parents for messing up their lives. While parents certainly impact their kids, at some point responsibility means that you grow up and own your choices.

To me, these parents sound like they did the utmost to love and support their children, trying different approaches to keep this particular daughter on the derech they sincerely felt best for her and all Jews.

Every person has bechira. Everyone can choose to ignore their parents' true intentions and view them in a bad light. Being a grown up means stopping the blame game.

None of us are guaranteed that a child couldn't turn on us and misinterpret all of our love and support from day one. None of us has the perfect formula that will ensure that every child remains close, appreciative and clear headed about our parenting intentions.

I think a mature, respectful person would say, "That lifestyle wasn't for me, but I recognize my parents' good intentions, love and support. It's not for me to malign their lifestyle and community, especially publicly."

marina

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 8:05 am

I haven't read the book.

But from the reviews I've seen, this is peripherally a book about orthodoxy and mostly a book about growing up, separating from your home, and coming to terms with who you are. I would not, from the reviews, compare it to Unorthodox or other such books.

PinkFridge

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 8:37 am

Could be her parents sent her away because of limited chinuch options, friends or relatives there, or thinking it would be what she needed to get her on track. I haven't read any of this yet.
And I'm a big supporter of amother, but can't figure out why anyone here needed to do so so far. Other than the one amother who knew her IRL. But I'll assume you have reasons.

BlueRose52

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 9:00 am

PinkFridge wrote:

I haven't read any of this yet.... And I'm a big supporter of amother, but can't figure out why anyone here needed to do so so far. Other than the one amother who knew her IRL. But I'll assume you have reasons.

Why do you assume people choose their reading material based on "need"? I think most people do so based on what they find interesting or relevant.

MaBelleVie

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 9:03 am

BlueRose52 wrote:

Why do you assume people choose their reading material based on "need"? I think most people do so based on what they find interesting or relevant.

I think she meant the need to use amother...

BlueRose52

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 9:15 am

MaBelleVie wrote:

I think she meant the need to use amother...

Oh... I see. Yeah, makes sense. My mistake.

amother

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 9:42 am

PinkFridge wrote:

Leah states (in her book) that she was the one who always told her modern orthodox classmates not to hang out with boys etc. so it seems as though she was very much on track in terms of being religious. If that was the case then why did her parents decide to send her to Manchester for 12th grade? She doesnt explain it which makes me wonder what she is hiding and why?

PinkFridge

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 9:43 am

amother wrote:

I probably should have reserved comment till I read the book and knew the context. But question: this was for 12th grade and not sem? Lots of American girls who go to England for sem skip 12th gr.

PinkFridge

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 9:44 am

BlueRose, I'm glad we got the need thing cleared up. I will add that I've said enough here for people to know I don't limit my reading material to what I need (or else I have a pretty broad definition of need Tongue Out

amother

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 9:52 am

PinkFridge wrote:

I probably should have reserved comment till I read the book and knew the context. But question: this was for 12th grade and not sem? Lots of American girls who go to England for sem skip 12th gr.

She finished high school or the 12th grade in Bais Yaakov of Manchester and then was on track to start seminary in Manchester the next year (which didnt end up happening). Apparently, her sisters were allowed to complete high school in Pittsburgh and then go to Manchester seminary afterwards. So why did her parents not let her finish high school in Pittsburgh?

PinkFridge

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 10:10 am

amother wrote:

Beats me. I guess this is one of those things that either show poor editing or that the memoirist decided not to share.

momi

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 12:47 pm

amother wrote:

It's nice that she mentions him in the book but why the need for the pseudonym? Should he not be proud of her chosen path and incredible accomplishments? I find this story intriguing.

Mama Bear

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 1:08 pm

High Schools in england end at 10th grader. Seminaries in England are the equivalent of 11th, 12th, and semineary year here in the US. A lot of girls go to Manchester or Gatesheads during 11th or 12th grade.

amother

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 1:14 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

Beats me. I guess this is one of those things that either show poor editing or that the memoirist decided not to share.

On the Katie show, Katie read a letter from Leah's father who said that Leah was treated by a psychiatrist as a teenager. Leah does not mention that in her book at all which makes me wonder if in fact she was treated by a psychiatrist (just like her father said) and was then sent her off to Manchester to protect her "reputation". I say this because some of the things Leah said on the Katie show is contradictory to what she wrote in her book so we know that she is/was being dishonest about her life but to what extent is she being dishonest and why?

amother

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 1:17 pm

Mama Bear wrote:

I just know that Leah wrote that she graduated from the Bais Yaakov High school in Manchester (and that she was scheduled to go to Manchester seminary the next year) so I was going by what she wrote.

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