Cut Me Loose - By Leah Vincent. Anyone read it? Thoughts?

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marina

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 1:19 pm

Also, one of the first reviews in that link criticizes this book goes off on how her statement that " I know that there is no single truth. We can only convey the raw and awkward shape of reality as we each experience it, " is some kind of acknowledgement that she's lying.

But her statement is completely true and is the basis for many therapies addressing complex relationships. People have different realities and there's not one right version of the events. You can see this in interactions between spouses, friends, and of course, parents and children.

To me, that quote shows insight and honesty, not the opposite.

amother

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 1:26 pm

marina wrote:

\

Lets forget the relationships with her parents/siblings for one minute and focus solely on Leah herself. On the Katie show Leah mentions that she had to find herself an apartment and a job in NY once she got here. In the book she wrote that her mother found her an apartment and a job in NY so that Leah wouldnt have to do it on her own. What should I believe to be the truth? Or does the truth not matter because she wrote that "there is no single truth..." and that absolves her from being honest and consistent with her story?

imasinger

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 1:35 pm

I haven't read the book, but I think it is really wrong to assume something awful behind a decision to do 12th grade in Manchester. There are all kinds of valid reasons for making a decision like that. It is, however, noteworthy that no reason was given.

About the apartment... I imagine that it did feel very much on her own, even if there was parental help. It would be interesting to find out.

amother

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 1:42 pm

imasinger wrote:

That's true but failure to provide a reason leaves her vulnerable to speculation from readers who are questioning it. I hope that she writes an article explaining what happened and why she omitted that information from the book.

marina

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 2:01 pm

amother wrote:

This is the kind of question that fails to understand how events can be multidimensional.

When I was in seminary, my parents "supported" me by paying my 200 dollar credit card bill. Once. And paying sem tuition for 3K.

At 18, I had to get a job, pay for food, pay for rent, pay for clothes, everything. I collected tzedaka for my wedding. I remember standing in line at a gvir's house, asking for rent money for one month. I remember eating bagels and cream cheese and tomato sandwiches for weeks at a time so I could pay the bills. I remember going to parties and weddings because the food was free.

Do you know what that is like, collecting charity for your wedding when your seminary buddies are shopping for wedding gowns with their moms and figuring out which band they like best?

So can I say that my parents didn't support me, that I had to do it all? Can I say that yes, they supported me to some extent but not enough? Can I say that to me, I felt unsupported, that that was my reality? Maybe if I was asked one day and I was upset I would say that my parents were completely unsupportive. Maybe another day, I felt more charitable and I'd say, that yes, technically they supported me, but not really. Which version is right? Am I just lying?

I don't know what Leah's explanation is. But I do know that people can see an event in many different ways.

MaBelleVie

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 2:15 pm

I also think it's interesting that the psychiatrist has been brought up a couple of times but not expanded upon. As much as Leah tries to blame her self injurious behaviors and dysfunctional relationships on her upbringing, I have to wonder what her mental health was and how that influenced her perceptions and choices.

amother

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 2:20 pm

marina wrote:

When I was in seminary, my parents "supported" me by paying my 200 dollar credit card bill. Once. And paying sem tuition for 3K.

Ok, this makes me wonder who paid for Leahs year in Manchester as well as her year in Israel? Who paid for plane tickets (from america to manchester, from manchester to israel, and from israel to new york plus other trips that Leah may not have mentioned.)

Also, how can you compare your parents paying a bill one time vs Leah's parents ensuring that she actually had a job so that she can pay her rent/bills for as long as she keeps the job? Perhaps they didnt have the money to pay her monthly rent so they did the next best thing and got her a job so she wouldnt have to do it on her own.

Plus, if I remember correctly, the studio they rented for her was at a cousins house (I have to check this again) so why didnt she go up to her cousin when she was lonely or needed help? And where were her sisters, are you telling me that they all moved out of NY once they were married?

amother

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 2:22 pm

marina wrote:

It sounds like you have a better story than Leah, why dont you write a book about it?

marina

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 2:46 pm

amother wrote:

I'm not comparing anything. I'm just giving another example of how one event can be viewed two different ways.

Like I said, I have no idea how Leah explains the differences. All I'm saying is that it's not an either or. nobody has to be lying. There can be two different realities and two different truths.

marina

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 2:49 pm

amother wrote:

It sounds like you have a better story than Leah, why dont you write a book about it?

I think you're misunderstanding my post. My post has nothing to do with my life story or with writing a book or whatever.

It's just to show an example of how one event can be viewed into different ways,how there can be two realities.

marina

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 2:50 pm

Here's an example of where I should have posted anonymously... This will all come back to bite me one day grrrrrrrr

imasinger

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 3:03 pm

It's OK, Marina. If you and a few more people will pm your life stories, I'll write a book about them. I'll profit from the book, and you can profit by knowing that making your story public has helped others.

Oh, wait...

amother

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 3:09 pm

marina wrote:

Lets see if I understand. My mother bought me a laptop. It was a wonderful gift. Then it broke Sad

So can I say that she bought me the laptop? Well, according to your logic it would depend on what mood I'm in--if I am in a good mood then I can say, sure she got me a laptop but if I am in a bad mood then I can say that no, she didnt get me the laptop. Is that what you are trying to tell me?

bluebird

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 3:17 pm

I don't see that being the same situation at all. More like if the mother contributed some but not all of the cost.

I also reported your post for inappropriate use of amother.

BlueRose52

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 3:39 pm

amother wrote:

Lets forget the relationships with her parents/siblings for one minute and focus solely on Leah herself. On the Katie show Leah mentions that she had to find herself an apartment and a job in NY once she got here. In the book she wrote that her mother found her an apartment and a job in NY so that Leah wouldnt have to do it on her own. What should I believe to be the truth? Or does the truth not matter because she wrote that "there is no single truth..." and that absolves her from being honest and consistent with her story?

This is the kind of parsing of language I really don't think is fair and is actually indicative of one looking for flaws to tear her apart. In the interview she just says, "I got a job, I found an apartment..." I don't think this is a flat out statement that SHE was the one who had to find the job and apartment as opposed to her mother. It's just a statement that an apartment was found for her to use. When someone says "I got a job", it doesn't mean that they secured the job vs someone else doing it for them, it just means that a job was gotten. Unless of course the person emphasizes, "I got a job," which isn't the case here.

I imagine you might be surprised that I'm saying this, because I pointed out this inconsistency myself before. But when I highlighted this issue earlier, I didn't accuse her of actually saying any untruths. I was saying that the impression I had been given was that her parents had totally abandoned her on the streets, with the Couric interview corroborating that impression (I got that impression of her parents from other places too). But that's not the same as saying someone is lying. This impression occurred in the interview because a moment before, Katie had asked, "Your parents cut you off, what did you do?" So obviously, it then sounds like what she next did (finding the job and apartment) was on her own. But one can just as well understand her words in way that doesn't mean that SHE was the one who found those things. Just that she got them, like when someone "got a gift", it can mean she bought the gift, or it could mean that she was given a gift. And her parents indeed did cut her off, but not until after that was taken care of.

Some might find this distinction I'm making to be nitpicking itself, but I think there's a big difference between accusing someone of lying about an incident occurring, and giving a less than accurate impression of how that incident was experienced. And I wouldn't even fault her for being deliberately misleading in the interview since when you're speaking on your feet in front of a (national) audience, it's very understandable that one says things without realizing how they come across.

Personally, I find so many of these criticisms people are voicing to be entirely irrelevant. Just because it doesn't make sense to us why she would have done something doesn't mean it didn't happen. Just because she doesn't give over every detail of an event doesn't mean that those missing pieces indicate she's outright making things up. Just because a few trivial details don't quite fit right, doesn't make her a liar. A memoir such as this isn't meant to be a historical account. It's meant to convey the experiences and feelings she went through.

Last edited by BlueRose52 on Sun, Jan 26 2014, 3:47 pm; edited 2 times in total

marina

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 3:40 pm

Oops!

Last edited by marina on Sun, Jan 26 2014, 3:58 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 3:47 pm

bluebird wrote:

I don't see that being the same situation at all. More like if the mother contributed some but not all of the cost.

Actually I will disagree with you. The laptop my mom bought me is equivalent to the rent Leah's mom paid for the first month. After that, I was responsible for the maintenance of the laptop in the same way that Leah was responsible for the maintenance, or rent, for her apartment once she got it. The fact is that my mom didnt provide me with a means to maintain the laptop and I couldnt afford to do so on my own so it broke. Leah's mom, otoh, provided Leah with a means to maintain her apartment by getting her a full time job so technically, Leah got much more from her mom than I got from mine. I guess I have a good reason to blame my mother for the broken laptop since she refused to help me maintain it but I cant say that the same is true for Leah since her mom helped her maintain her apartment. Maybe it wasnt EXACTLY what Leah wanted or expected from her mother but it was still better than nothing.

marina

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 3:53 pm

amother wrote:

Lets see if I understand. My mother bought me a laptop. It was a wonderful gift. Then it broke Sad

Lol. She paid a cent towards the laptop. It was fine because you paid the other 39999 cents. Did she help buy your laptop?

imasinger

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 3:56 pm

(Deleted, no longer relevant)

Last edited by imasinger on Sun, Jan 26 2014, 4:06 pm; edited 1 time in total

marina

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 3:57 pm

oops!!!

Last edited by marina on Sun, Jan 26 2014, 4:12 pm; edited 3 times in total

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