We slept on the living room floor

nyer1

Tue, Apr 08 2014, 8:58 am

wow im sorry that is SO weird.
for kids, I can understand. sleeping bags are fun.
but for me as an adult? my back would be hurting after just a couple hours.
I agree.. if they didn't have beds, they shouldn't have hosted. or at least warned you. ugh. some people.

black and white

Tue, Apr 08 2014, 9:02 am

If I knew of any of my guests coming to my simcha had to sleep on the floor of someone house I would be mortified.
I would also want to know of the incident so I never place anybody else there.
So sorry Op for your experience.
That is awful.
I'd rather people tell me beforehand I am sorry I can't host your guests than do this.

amother

Tue, Apr 08 2014, 9:24 am

nyer1 wrote:

They very well could have told the relatives. The relatives say anything will be fine. The relatives are making a simcha and need to place people.

The people who open up their home to strangers don't deserve the LH.

black and white

Tue, Apr 08 2014, 9:30 am

I just wanted to add one more point to the conversation...
What kind of message are we sending to our children when not to mess with the "schedule" you put your guest on the floor in the living room?
Just wondering.. ( Maybe the kids are still babies and don't even realize, not sure)

imaima

Tue, Apr 08 2014, 9:41 am

black and white wrote:

I can totally understand not messing up babies' and toddlers' schedules. What if the kids wake up each other in the night when put in the same room? What if it means that parents' life will turn into hell if they move the kids?
And in the same post OP is complaining that the hosts didn't think of HER kids' schedules! So what, your kids' schedules are more important than hosts'?
I am sure what happened was due to the lack of communication. Maybe baale simcha felt it was ok for you to sleep this way, as long as you were accommodated. I would have talked to them about it.

amother

Tue, Apr 08 2014, 9:43 am

black and white wrote:

DC has behavior issues in school the next day without a good night sleep. Hopefully the message being sent is learning is paramount.

You should dklz the host because you don't know how often she is asked to have strangers in her house. I have one of the few houses in the neighborhood able to accommodate guests if I double up my kids. The are no hotels nearby. It is overwhelming.

amother

Tue, Apr 08 2014, 9:45 am

Do you mean you were on the floor with no kind of matress? Could you have slept on the sofa at least?

Were the hosts involved in the simcha?

I can understand them not wanting to mess up their kids' schedule, especially if they're not involved in the simcha and have been pressurised into hosting people but if it was an open room and/or no matresses were provided they were clearly not in a position to host anyone unless they were prepared to move the kids into their room for a couple of nights and offer you those beds or whatever.

At the very least, they should have made it clear in advance what the sleeping arrangements would be.

amother

Tue, Apr 08 2014, 9:46 am

OP here. Thanks for reassuring me I'm not crazy to feel annoyed about the situation. You ladies are right, this is what you do with yeshiva bochrim, not with a married family. There was NO privacy, I had to sleep in regular clothes with my snood pinned to my head, which was no fun.

Some of you did offer food for thought that perhaps the baalei simcha pressured/guilt-tripped them. Unfortunately, I can totally imagine these relatives doing just that, in which case I feel sorry for the hosts. But still, if you'd rather host than flex your No muscle, then you should accommodate properly. Yes, it's unpleasant to have off-schedule kids (though really not the end of the world). More so than telling someone who asks "sorry, we just can't"? I guess each individual needs to decide that question. Although I guess it's possible they said all we can do is sleeping bags in the living and my relatives said fine...Then I guess I can't blame them. I also could totally envision them doing that. Oh well, live and learn. Maybe next time we just won't go.

ValleyMom

Tue, Apr 08 2014, 10:31 am

My friends daughter wants to visit us for an extended stay. I cannot inconvenience my kids that are in college and school for that long so I told her:

"You are always welcome in our home as long as you are comfortable sleeping in DH's home office on an inflatable mattress."

She said that was fine.

That is how I handle awkward sleeping arrangements for guests.

No secrets, everything out in the open, no resentments.

NOW we can get ready to have some fun as we take her around our city.

amother

Tue, Apr 08 2014, 10:47 am

I recently had a similarly insane experience at a simcha. I also had a worse experience as a guest a while back.

The first time was really horrible (and I cannot elaborate right now, but there were major safety and health issues invovled) and we spent one night and left in the middle of YT to stay with someone else.

The second time we were set up in highly inappropriate accommodations again with health issues involved, plus general inconvenience. It was insane when I think about it. And again we found this out right before Shabbos. And we slept elsewhere. You do what you have to do.

Both times I wanted to write about it. It's just crazy.

the world's best mom

Tue, Apr 08 2014, 2:42 pm

imaima wrote:

And in the same post OP is complaining that the hosts didn't think of HER kids' schedules! So what, your kids' schedules are more important than hosts'?

Halachically, the guest's comfort is more important than the host's. If you have one pillow in your house, you're supposed to give it to the guest.

I don't remember which Rav and Rebetzin it was who always had a lot of guests. One night, someone showed up unexpected, so they were short on space. They gave the extra guest their room, and they slept under the kitchen table. They pulled the table cloth down to the floor so nobody would see them sleeping there.

Peanut2

Tue, Apr 08 2014, 4:24 pm

When I was single I spent a few nights with a non frum family in a foreign city. The woman was raised frum and the man isn't Jewish. They didn't have a guest room and so they gave me their bedroom. I tried to explain I was fine on the sofa, etc., but ended up sleeping in their bed.

It was totally not necessary, but proof that some people do go the extra mile for guests.

Fox

Tue, Apr 08 2014, 4:52 pm

amother wrote:

This.

I can't count the number of times over the years in which I've offered one or another caveats to a baal simcha who didn't appear to even be listening to what I said -- rather, just waiting for the "yes" so he/she could scratch another item off the to-do list.

Granted, sleeping bags are extreme, but having heard some of the five-star expectations expressed in the "worst experiences as a guest" thread, I am loathe to criticize anyone who offers any hospitality whatsoever, even sleeping bags.

I am also reminded of one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life: driving for 17 hours to a relative's Thursday night chassunah; attending said chassunah, where we got nothing to eat because the young kallah's friends (who hadn't been invited for the meal) immediately sat down in our spots when we got up to dance; then turning around and driving another 17 hours home?

Why? Because it was the weekend everyone was getting ready to go to the mountains, doncha know, and our relatives (who apparently knew approximately 500 people to invite to a chassunah), didn't know a single soul in the entire Tri-State area where we might stayed. Believe me, I would have welcomed sleeping bags rather careening bleary-eyed through Pennsylvania in order to make it back home before Shabbos.

amother

Tue, Apr 08 2014, 5:51 pm

For all those who said how selfish not to move the kids out of their rooms, I have moved my kids countless times, sometimes having all 6 of us in one bedroom. Then one of my children (aged 6) started having a real problem controlling his anger and was blowing up at the slightest provocation. Although we were dealing with the issue and teaching him about appropriate reactions when he is upset, he also needed his space. Last summer we had guests and he was moved out of his bedroom. He was angry all weekend, picked endless fights with his brothers, was rude to the guests and was completely miserable. He needs his space, and I have told him that I will not give away his bed for the next while. There is a time for chinuch, but also for understanding that children have needs and feelings, and I can not do this mitzva at the expense of this child, at this stage in his life. Believe me, he has plenty of chinuch in self-sacrifice, sharing, giving, teaching, etc and will please gd reach the time when he will be able to happily give up his bed as well, but at this point that would not be an option.
I am lucky enough to have a big spare room, so can still host a smallish family with them all squished in on beds/air mattresses but in their own room, and don't think I would ever put adults to sleep in a public through-room, so would sooner say no, but moving kids is not always an option.