Pesach Etiquette | Imamother

amother

Thu, Apr 10 2014, 11:43 am

amother wrote:

I ask her every yr and each time she apologizes , explains to me y its too late to change this year, and then does the same thing the next year.
maybe nxt yr I need to b proactive and discuss before pesach.
example: dear neighbor, my kids woke up 3 times last night from all of the noise. would it b possible to do it earlierr in the day.
her: I am sorry but this yr I already got buchrim to help me from 10-3 for the next 3 nights . its too late to change the schedule.

We already discussed this last year. In any case, its simple common sense. If we're woken up, I'm going to have to call the police. So you can either be sure that you're very quiet, or tell your workers to come another time

amother wrote:

me: pls dont have ur kids knock on the door to wash their hands. I really dont have time+energy for their mess.

her: well I already cleaned my house so they need to wash their hands somewhere.

Are you having a problem with your water? I was wondering, because your kids asked to wash in my apartment. I'm in the middle of Pesach cleaning, and of course I can't allow your kids to traipse their dirt into my place.

You already cleaned your place? Not my problem.

Is there a storage unit on the roof that she uses? Otherwise, I don't get the roof thing. In any case, complain to the landlord or managing agent about her dumping dirt on your laundry porch. As to attracting cats etc by the crumbs, sweep it all up and dump them on her doorstep. Or put them in a bag and give them to one of her kids to take home. Hang them on her doorknob. And if the bag has a little hole in it, don't worry about it too much.

This isn't etiquette. Its a lack of respect for you. And you need to put an end to it fast.

amother

Thu, Apr 10 2014, 11:56 am

the roof has a shared storage area which we all use.

calling the police/doing anthing really nasty is not a grt option when u live in the same bldg, see each other every day, etc.

the real answer is I need to learn to b more assertive and keep saying no and proactive in speakig to her abt the issues in advance.
I like the idea of putting a sign up in the bldg.

amother

Thu, Apr 10 2014, 12:38 pm

amother wrote:

I would usually agree with you, but not this time. You've told her repeatedly not to move heavy items at night. She does it anyway. Its almost certainly not that she forgets. Its that she doesn't care. And why should she? When she tells you that she's going to do it anyway, you back down, she does whatever she wants. Lather, rinse, repeat. You need to create a problem for HER in doing it; you need to shut her down. And you've given her warning. YOU: You can't make a lot of noise at night. HER: Well, I'm going to do it anyway, tough luck. Your only next move is YOU: If you do it notwithstanding my reasonable request, I will take action. Or she can be quiet about it.

Its an overall problem. You're reasonable. She's not. She will win every time so long as you keep being reasonable. I have a friend with the same problem with an ex husband. He's tens of thousands of dollars behind in child support. He keeps trying to modify terms (clearly, the boys should be with him for all chagim, that's what "alternative holidays" means, right?). But she is reasonable, and knows that her kids will be devastated if he goes to jail, so when the judge asked if she wants that, she says no. So he can keep doing this forever, because unreasonable always wins that war.