How do you tell ladies not to bring babies to simcha?

persephonefalls

Sat, Apr 26 2014, 9:25 pm

Recently, we were invited to a morning bat mizvah. I replied and RSVPed for myself, my husband and our two children. The baali simcha wrote back and said "We're so excited to share our simcha with you, but due to space constraints, children are not invited." So I wrote back and said "I absolutely understand, but in that case, only one of us will be joining you."

It was totally fine. I'm disappointed for sure that I can't attend with my husband, but it's totally within the baalei simcha's rights, and I'm glad they told me. (Before you ask, it's extremely difficult to find a babysitter for a Sunday morning--especially when most of them are friends with the bat mitzva girl!)

Just be upfront about it. But if people can't come because they can't bring their kids and can't/don't want to find a babysitter, you can't get all huffy about that.

amother

Sat, Apr 26 2014, 9:42 pm

persephonefalls wrote:

Just be upfront about it. But if people can't come because they can't bring their kids and can't/don't want to find a babysitter, you can't get all huffy about that.

I understand if people can't come. I missed a lot of events when my kids were little or my husband and I took turns coming.

It is the ones with the babies and children who are huffy.

Maybe in hindsight I should have chosen a larger cheaper place and hired a mediocre caterer and had the typical affair and saved a bundle and not run into so much resistance. I don't know how others feel leading up to a simcha, but I am dreading it.

persephonefalls

Sat, Apr 26 2014, 10:12 pm

amother wrote:

No, I think you're well within your rights to ask people not to bring children. It's your simcha. You have a right to have it at the hall you like with the caterer you like.

Look, I have two little children. Many times, people have kid-friendly simchot, and we go as a family, and it's great. When people have simchot that aren't kid friendly, then usually if we're very good friends, one of us will go, and if we're less close, neither of us will go. Obviously we prefer to celebrate with our friends, but it can be very challenging to find a babysitter, especially in the daytime, and expensive, too. We don't even hire a babysitter to go out on a date once in a while, because we are trying to be thrifty, so hiring a babysitter for a non-family simcha is not super appealing.

You would be surprised at how many people act like we're being unreasonable divas by saying that we completely understand the restriction, it's totally fine, but in that case we can't attend/only one of us can come. We are always totally friendly and good natured about it--and I really do respect the need for the restriction--but have been surprised by the reactions we get in return. People acting like we don't care about them because we're unwilling to find a babysitter, etc.

So please understand when I say, you have every right to ask people not to bring children, but then you also can't get upset at people who then can't come.