purchased home in the last 10 yrs without any help

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Purchased home in the last 10 yrs without any help

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amother

Wed, Jul 09 2014, 11:06 pm

Just wondering about this entitlement issue...I'm curious to know if there r couples out there that have purchased a home in the NY/NJ area in the past 10 years (when prices were high) without any financial help from parents/relatives. If ur parents didn't give u money towards a down payment but pay for ur car, thats still help. I'm talking about no financial help WHATSOEVER.

sequoia

Wed, Jul 09 2014, 11:09 pm

My friends just bought a house with backyard in Brooklyn with no help from family. Very convenient location. He's a VP at a hedge fund.

Shira9

Wed, Jul 09 2014, 11:10 pm

Yes, count me in! Not one red cent from either set of parents

starmarket

Wed, Jul 09 2014, 11:36 pm

Yes

MaBelleVie

Wed, Jul 09 2014, 11:36 pm

Of course. Did you think that the millions of homes bought over the last ten years were all with parental assistance?

amother

Wed, Jul 09 2014, 11:54 pm

I bought a home in Southern California without parental assistance. It was a little more than 10 year ago when prices were crazy expensive. Every bit as expensive as NY/NJ, plus crazy taxes and HOA fees.

amother

Thu, Jul 10 2014, 12:01 am

Does a Yerusha count?

shmulysmom

Thu, Jul 10 2014, 12:02 am

Nobody is entitled

Last edited by shmulysmom on Thu, Jul 10 2014, 12:17 am; edited 1 time in total

MaBelleVie

Thu, Jul 10 2014, 12:07 am

shmulysmom wrote:

Upon my marriage, we got no assistance from either side. Hashem provides!! My husband works hard and saves. S lit of people expect that if they sit and learn they can milk the goverment for all the benefits and programs and thereby live a 'wealthy' lifestyle. Noone is entitled to anything!! Man was cursed that we need to work in order to live. Not that some should work while others just "live" off of them. And I believe this includes children.

I'm confused. You make your kids go to work? How do you feel about the curse of Chava- do you decline painkillers or epidural during labor or for any female related pain? How do explain the fact that the shevatim of yissachar and zevulun had a partnership whereby one learned and the other supported him?

Finally, if you figured out a way to live a wealthy lifestyle while legitimately accepting government programs, I'm eager to hear it.

shmulysmom

Thu, Jul 10 2014, 12:10 am

Actually I am newly married with a young baby. I just feel that people have to stop feeling entitled to things. You work. You daven, you do hishtadlus and beezrat hashem you will receive. No parent is required to buy their child a house. If course if one is able to go ahead but dont expect it!!!

MaBelleVie

Thu, Jul 10 2014, 12:11 am

Entitlement is one thing. Your rant seemed to be about something else.

Barbara

Thu, Jul 10 2014, 12:13 am

The past 10 years is a strange period to select, given that there was a housing bubble that burst, and prices declined throughout most of the US. While things have improved in many places, other people still have mortgages that exceed the value of their homes.

So not in the past 10 years, but at a time when housing prices were high, yes. No help.

amother

Thu, Jul 10 2014, 12:19 am

shmulysmom wrote:

Life is not that simple.

Some people are high achievers and get into any graduate school of their choice.

Some people can't make it into graduate school at all.

Some people have unexpected medical bills that come up.

You word. You daven. But it's up to Hashem whether you will be successful.

Chana Miriam S

Thu, Jul 10 2014, 1:09 am

My husband and I bought four houses by ourselves. Not all at the same time. No parental support including he paid for his own university education and graduated a month before we married.

lifesagift

Thu, Jul 10 2014, 1:12 am

I think the issue here is very much how much a parent can and wants to help. Im in the process of moving now, and I definitely hope I will b able to pull it thru without any help from our parents. Its actually a very special feeling.

amother

Thu, Jul 10 2014, 1:37 am

My marriage is a second marriage & my husband paid for our whole wedding himself.

He owned 2 houses at that time, that he bought without any help from his parents.

In the last 10 years we sold one house and bought an other, without any help from either set of parents.

We also send our kids to school & camp without any help from parents, make Pesach & Succot without any help from parents, have babies, brisim & b'nai mitsvah without any help from parents, go on vacations without any help from parents.

To be honest, I am expecting right now & would dearly love some help from parents. Of the physical showing up & being helpful to me emotionally & taking care of them kind, never mind the giving us money kind.

But guess what? That just is not going to happen.

Asking here who bought a home without help & who had help is not going to change your situation, what ever it is, so I don't understand why you ask? Are you looking for validation that it is OK to get help, or validation that it's OK to feel entitled to help & upset that you don't get help? Validation for being self sufficient & not needing help?

If someone wants to help you great. I don't think you should feel embarrassed. Be appreciative.
If there is no one giving you any help, too bad, but you are not alone.

amother

Thu, Jul 10 2014, 2:03 am

My dh and I started out literally with nothing. No help, in the process of getting degrees/figuring out post-yeshiva work, etc.. It was really difficult, EVERYTHING we had was second-hand, I was working full time making almost nothing while in school and my dh was unsuccessfully trying to find work post-yeshiva without having gotten his degrees yet. I cried a lot- it felt like an abyss, a black hole that would never end. But one of the worst parts was that one of my very good friends was getting a ton of financial support and literally had steak 3 times a week. Their biggest issues were decorating their fancy house [bought for them] and where to find the trendiest fashionable clothes for her kids... Made me nauseous, literally...

Fast forward about 10 years. My dh and I HAD to push ourselves, we literally didn't have a choice. We worked so hard in school, building up our resumes, etc.. BH BH we bought a beautiful, fully move-in ready house in an incredible neighborhood- and I cannot even begin to tell you just how AMAZING the feeling was. For one of the first times I felt so sorry for that friend, and everyone like her, that might never get that insanely amazing feeling of working so hard for something and BH seeing so much fruition. Yes we worked really hard and BH still work really hard (BH because we picked careers we wanted and both love what we do)- and it makes all of those initial difficult years so much sweeter. I will never belittle those painful and scary years- but it's definately a life lesson. No we don't live in a mansion by any means- we live in OUR home, couldn't be sweeter.

But btw- as others have said- tzaros don't have to be in monetary form. When you don't have, it seems sometimes like having money will make things so much better. But just speak with a few wealthy people battling other tzaros- doesn't make it much easier... Sometimes makes it much more complicated...

amother

Thu, Jul 10 2014, 3:08 am

We just bought a house on our own. Not in the NY/NJ area but in a different place that is equally expensive, unfortunately. We have been married for 14 years and have been saving for all those years. This is our first non-rental and we are really excited!

amother

Thu, Jul 10 2014, 10:11 am

My parents didn't give us any money but they did give us a large loan with a 2% interest rate (hetter iska of course)to make our mortgage payments lower.Of course we DO have to pay back.

It is true that almost everyone I know that bought a house within the past ten years did so by either their parents or HUD paying for it.We live in a small apartment and rent out most of the house to make mortgage payments.

amother

Thu, Jul 10 2014, 10:26 am

We bought our house in Teaneck on our own. Our parents did kick in some money for renovations completely of their own volition.

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