Why is my baby different? What am I doing wrong?

amother

Wed, Jul 16 2014, 12:53 pm

I have a one month old baby, my first.

Ever since he was born, he has spent a majority of his time awake.

I think he sleeps about 8 hours - maybe 3 in the day and 5 at night. Newborns need way more sleep than that...

When he's not sleeping he literally would feed the whole time if I let him. He feeds for nearly an hour every 2 hours or so, and then I have to take him off because I'm getting sore. He cries after that, and wants to suck about 30 mins later. I try to settle him and sometimes I manage, but usually he just gets more and more hysterical. He also has A LOT of alert time where he just wants to be held and then is happy.

I had an LC come and check the feeding aspect of thingsand he's latched on, putting on weight etc. I went to the doctor and they said nothing is wrong...

So why is my baby awake and screaming when newborns should be sleeping most of the day??? I'm on my own with him all day - DH is out - and by the end of the day I'm completely gone - exhausted to the point that I can't stand up, and really reall frustrated and angry, usually because my baby is screaming and I can't help him. I have no one to help me and I end up crying because I physically and emotionally can't cope.

Everyone I've spoke to has said, 'Well they only need feeding, burping and changing at this stage'. Like it's so easy. I have a few friends with babies the same age and they all sleep, feed, have awake time etc. like clockwork... even without a routine being implemented.

What am I doing wrong??? I feel like I have no maternal instinct.

nyer1

Wed, Jul 16 2014, 12:55 pm

U aren't doing anything wrong. U are a wonderful mommy.
I'm not going to diagnose ur kid but it could be colic. My son had it. It lasted a few months but he eventually grew out of it. It's frustrating and tiring but u have to remember it is temporary. The important thing is that u take a break often enough to not go crazy. Hire a mothers helper or see if family can help u out. Sometimes u just need to get away from the screaming

FranticFrummie

Wed, Jul 16 2014, 1:03 pm

DD was exactly the same way! Some kids are fussier than others. He might be colicy, something to check out. DD turned out to be lactose intolerant. At 3 months I switched to nursing for comfort and alternating with pumped milk mixed with Enfamil Lactofree formula. That was the first time she slept for more than a few hours at a time, and the colic disappeared overnight!

Some kids just take a while for their bodies to adjust to being born, and are slower to find the right rhythm. Definitely talk to as many experienced moms as you can, because when you don't have what to compare it to, it can be SO hard! You can start second guessing your every move, and make yourself a nervous wreck. Hug

naturemom

Wed, Jul 16 2014, 1:05 pm

Your baby needs play time.
Put him on a mat on his tummy with toys. Play with him. Shake a rattle for him.
Get a rattle that velcroes onto the babys wrist and let him be amused by it.
Tickle his toes and blow raspberries on his tummy. Talk to him. Sing to him. Tell him what you are doing. Show him things.
He's not too young for any of these.

Last edited by naturemom on Tue, Sep 09 2014, 10:49 am; edited 1 time in total

studying_torah

Wed, Jul 16 2014, 1:07 pm

Sometimes if a baby over feeds they get gassy and more fussy. Try feeding him less and supplement w a pacifier to soothe his sucking needs.
Put him in a cradle swing or bouncy seat. They can be very soothing and also have toys for when he's awake.
Good luck!
Remember if it gets too much, u can and should put him down and walk away for a breather. As long as he is safe it's ok for him and impt to ur mental well being!

scrltfr

Wed, Jul 16 2014, 1:08 pm

Dont compare your baby to others. Every baby has different needs. Talk to your doctor about concerns and make sure that your nursing is doing the trick he may need supplementing. My baby didn't sleep as much others and he was very alert and loved to be stimulated. Playwith him!

rising hero

Wed, Jul 16 2014, 1:30 pm

First, hugs to you! My baby cries, and although I've seen worse, its enough to know how hard and frustrating it is.
Does your baby take a pacifier? If he's not hungry then the sucking of a pacifier might satisfy him.
Like others said, he might be gassy. I'm always telling mothers to give their baby a little chamomile tea to relieve them.

ETA You're not doing anything wrong! Motherhood can't be learned in a day.

Last edited by rising hero on Wed, Jul 16 2014, 1:34 pm; edited 1 time in total

kollel wife

Wed, Jul 16 2014, 1:31 pm

Many babies sleep 20 out of 24 hours, but not all do.
My first did not also. It is hard. Eventually when he will get older, he'll have a routine and a nap time.

Meanwhile can you take him outside sometimes? That usually can calm him down. Also, you have to not take it personally when he's unhappy. Supplementing with formula may help you to have more strength. He may be kvetchy from being gassy or hungry (not enough milk) - you have to keep trying things, but it will pass, and he will get older and more predicatable and understandable and scheduled.

MaBelleVie

Wed, Jul 16 2014, 1:37 pm

Omg. Btdt and I thought I would literally lose my mind. It was the hardest thing I've ever been through, so major hugs to you. You are not doing anything wrong, some babies are just really tough. I guess their nervous systems are immature and they can't regulate well at all, or maybe they're working out some kinks in their digestive systems. Who knows?

What helped me somewhat was wearing the baby in a baby ktan. That way the baby thinks you're holding him but your arms are free. Often it helps them sleep, even though you can't risk transferring them out after. Also, leave the house at least once a day, even if it's just for a walk around the block. If the baby screams in a stroller or car seat, wear him in the wrap.

I promise that things get better. My child who started out that way gives me so much nachat today BH, and is actually considered an easygoing child now. Miraculous.

Dolly Welsh

Wed, Jul 16 2014, 1:54 pm

Sleep him on the stomach, with the head turned to the opposite side than last time.

Offer a Nuk pacifier.

Give play and sensory stimulation such as the infant-safe play mats with colors and all.

Ask the pediatrician about gas and colic.

Put on low music. Have a small fan that both stirs air and makes a low white noise.

Put him on your bare chest. Your scent will comfort him.

Be careful not to train him to never be out of your arms. The pacifier will give him a tool to self-comfort; he needs that independence.

As you can see above all this is normal and common.

Hugs.

gp2.0

Wed, Jul 16 2014, 1:56 pm

Nursing is really tough for the first six weeks or so, because they're still learning and have so many growth spurts one after another. You're nearly there!

Babies can form their own routines, but then you need to keep sticking to them. Keep track of his habits, down to the minute, for a few days, and you'll see a pattern emerge. Then just stick to it. Don't ignore sleep signs - if he rubs his eyes or yawns, put him to sleep.

I second the suggestion for tummy time and playing, that will tire him out too.

He should definitely be sleeping more than 8 hours total in a 24 hour period. More like 15 in a 24 hour period. If he's only getting half the amount of sleep he needs, of course he's screaming. With my first, I ignored sleep signs because she seemed alert. Turns out, newborns should nap 2-3 times a day - first nap like 2 hours after they wake up, second nap 2-4 hours after they wake up, third nap 2-4 hours after that. Who knew? Not me. So she'd stay up and be alert and by the time she was screaming in exhaustion it was too late to calm her down.

Some babies need more sleep than others. My babies always nap the minimum amount rather than the maximum like my friends' babies. But as long as they are alert and not screaming while they are awake then it's all good.

imasinger

Wed, Jul 16 2014, 2:02 pm

Some babies just don't sleep much.

Do you swaddle? Do you notice times that there is more fussing/crying?

These days, the pediatricians are vehement that putting an infant to sleep on his stomach is a huge increase in risk of SIDS. They say that you should never do it.

Which seems hard, as I'm sure my babies slept more comfortably that way. But that's the deal.

I like MBV's advice about babywearing, at least for the first six months of life.

mandr

Wed, Jul 16 2014, 2:10 pm

gp2.0 wrote:

He should definitely be sleeping more than 8 hours total in a 24 hour period. More like 15 in a 24 hour period. If he's only getting half the amount of sleep he needs, of course he's screaming. With my first, I ignored sleep signs because she seemed alert. Turns out, newborns should nap 2-3 times a day - first nap like 2 hours after they wake up, second nap 2-4 hours after they wake up, third nap 2-4 hours after that. Who knew? Not me. So she'd stay up and be alert and by the time she was screaming in exhaustion it was too late to calm her down.

I have to disagree. Newborns really have 2-3 solid naps. Many of them catnap. At one month most babies' sleep patterns are not regulated yet. By 4 mos or so, babies should have solid naps and naptimes. But you could have a baby like mine who took only catnaps until 6 months of age. He had like several 45-60-min catnaps throughout the day as often as necessary till it was bedtime.

animeme

Wed, Jul 16 2014, 2:11 pm

My brother slept only about eight hours from birth, and his tended to be during the day, so at least you're ahead there.

I would definitely check into colic. For two of my babies we used a lot of mylicon. Also, do you have a swing? That might help ease up the need for you. You can take the shirt you more the day before and haven't washed yet and use it as a blanket so the baby smells you (this will work in the crib/basinet too.)