Dealing with inappropriate public behavior (4yr old)

amother

Sun, Sep 07 2014, 2:26 am

Ds started kindergarten and I hear now from a friends kids going on his bus that he's been exposing his private parts for fun. I constantly stress that its private when he does it at home. However now that I'm told he did it on the the bus I'm scared other kids will tell their parents.
How strongly should I deal with this? He is after all barely 4.

avocado7

Sun, Sep 07 2014, 6:33 am

I'm very concerned about that which you shared with us , and I'm so glad you did share it, it's so important to discuss these things which appear to be of weird nature ! They tell us that somethings not right.
I would tell you to discuss it with a" Frum " therapist. Or a "Frum" social worker. But ................
A word of warning please don't discuss it with a non-Jew as it says in last weeks parsha , a Jew should not send another Jew, to the non jews.
Wishing you lots of warm Hatzlacha. May HAshem hold your hand.

imasinger

Sun, Sep 07 2014, 6:50 am

I share the concern, but think you can AYLOR about consulting a non Jewish therapist, as there are different interpretations of the details the previous poster described.

Do seek a professional to talk to, right away. It is not normal for a 4 year old to expose himself on a bus. You will want to rule out the possibility of zxual abuse, ch"vs.

Last edited by imasinger on Sun, Sep 07 2014, 6:51 am; edited 1 time in total

noosheen

Sun, Sep 07 2014, 6:51 am

Agree with freidasima. Go to the best child psychologist out there. Not normal or appropriate behaviour even for a 4 year old.

WHy IN THE WORLD DO THEY NEED TO BE JEWISH??? shock

avocado7

Sun, Sep 07 2014, 7:45 am

Quote :- Huh? Please discuss this with the best and most appropriate therapist possible whether jewish or not!
......................................................................................................................................................................

You mean that the chances are it may get into the hands of non jews against Hashems word .No way.

amother

Sun, Sep 07 2014, 7:50 am

avocado7 wrote:

Your posts are extremely weird. Sorry. The syntax, phrasing and ideas all presented in a very odd manner.

The mentality you espouse is dangerous! The idea that one should keep problems within a community, rather than have them resolved by the best professional possible, are a huge factor in keeping the s-xual abuse crisis going in the frum community, don't you have anything better to contribute other than "shhhh... It's a shanda! Don't tell the non jews!" ?

imasinger

Sun, Sep 07 2014, 8:32 am

CPenzias wrote:

And no one is even answering the OP!

op continue to speak to your son about this. Do you think there's an underlying reason as to why he's doing this?

Huh? A bunch of people answered her, including FS, who is a mental health professional, and told her to seek help immediately.

CPenzias

Sun, Sep 07 2014, 8:48 am

OK one person. Everyone else is just focusing on their other side comments about whether or not the op should go to a jew or not. How about just saying "go to a therapist" and then move ob to another suggestion?

amother

Sun, Sep 07 2014, 5:01 pm

Going to therapist didn't even cross my mind. I don't think he was molested. I do believe it comes from immaturity and attention from the other kids laughing making it into a big joke. We spoke to him strictly and will keep tabs to know if he does it again, we will definitely speak to our Rav if it continues.

Barbara

Sun, Sep 07 2014, 5:43 pm

amother wrote:

You say that he exposes himself at home (referring to what you do when he exposes himself), and that he has already done so on the school bus.

When someone mentioned biting in kindergarten, I said "it happens." This, not so much. And I knew some kids who defined wild at that age, but would never consider dropping trou. It's troubling. And before it gets him into some real trouble at school, before any issues he has intensify, I think you need to talk to a child psychologist. Now. Maybe I'm wrong and you'll get comfort that this is not unusual and you'll get some ideas on coping with it. Or if not, he'll get help. Really, it's a win win proposition.

Best of luck to you.

amother

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 1:22 am

Sorry I wasn't clear with what exposing at home was. When he needs to dress he has no problem walking around naked. Or after using the bathroom and he kicked off his pants while sitting would take his time putting it back on.. . Typical immature childish behavior that needs to be tought. However the fact that he can do it on the bus as a 'joke' worries me if other kids will tell their parent's. Bh my friends kid was smart enough to let us know right away. Dh spoke to ds and at first he laughed. We strictly warned him and so far so good today he actually made sure to close the bathroom door, because dh told him he his old enough to. He did get dressed faster after his bath...
Were not trying to ignore the problem just trying to handle it right without being to harsh on the kid or ourselves.
Again he is only an immature mischievous barely 4 yr old. And IMVHO we need to take that into consideration no?

2cents

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 1:41 am

I had the same problem with my almost five yeae old, who is usually very mature. On the camp bus, older boys were egging him on and teasinf him and got him to pull down his pants twice. He also has to be told over Nd over after his bath to get dressed and not wander around naked/with a loosely wrapped towel . It didnt for a second occur to me to take him for therapy - it was clearly (as described by my older son) done for attn.

Op- u know ur son. If he always has been casual about his own nudity, and pulled down his pants as an attn getter, and ur not seeing any sign of anything deeper, it could be the talk u had with him will solve the issue. It did for us.

amother

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 5:10 am

MY 4 yr old, while he doesn't do it at school (DH and I warned him that kids will laugh at him and make fun of him) definitely has 0 feelings of tzniut at home. He won't close the bathroom door, and in fact insists that someone be with him there (Even his 2 yo sister is fine), walks around happily after a bath stark naked and pulls his pants down at home when he wants to lay down and relax. We are now working very hard on appropriate "public" behavior. I though thome will come next.
IS this so inappropriate? I really thought it can be within norms for a 4 year old. (He is our oldest.)

rowo

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 7:37 am

Re the poster who wrote about her son being teased and told to pull his pants down.
There is a very big difference between that and a very young child tryin to get attention in an inappropriate way.
That is a disgusting display of bullying and should be dealt with immediately! Both situations highlight the importance of discussions about touch and privacy beginning at VERY early age!

Chayalle

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 10:01 am

2cents wrote:

That's horrible. Would he also agree to do that if he was approached by a molester and pressured, teased, and egged on? Your son needs to be made aware of what's personal and private and how to resist that kind of pressure.