What's wrong with traveling to school?

Raisin

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 12:09 pm

Maybe in Monsey/BP it is not acceptable. But then again, many things are not acceptable. I went to a school where a good chunk of the student body travelled in every day from another part of town.

But if I had a choice of several (good) girls high schools in my town, I can't imagine why I would want to send my child an hour away. Apart from anything else, it could possibly be difficult socially, and difficult to participate in after school activities.

Scrabble123

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 12:13 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Why not? Im seriously asking. I never heard such a thing.

Since it's not the "norm," people STUPIDLY assume that the only reason someone would send their children to a school in a different school is because they couldn't get accepted to any local store (which means they are obviously "problematic"). Furthermore, if you move to another, smaller and newer city, even with a frum community, the "in town" schools will assume its obviously because you want to "keep secrets and bum out." It's pretty absurd!!!!!!!! I know someone who cannot even move to CHESTNUT RIDGE because it would impact his children's' shidduchim! (I'm so not the type of person who goes along with this, which is why this type of empty thinking is so frustrating to me!!!)

Notsobusy

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 12:16 pm

Scrabble123 wrote:

I know someone who cannot even move to CHESTNUT RIDGE because it would impact his children's' shidduchim! (I'm so not the type of person who goes along with this, which is why this type of empty thinking is so frustrating to me!!!)

It sounds like you know someone who decided that they cannot move to Chestnut Ridge because it would impact his children's shidduchim. I don't know Chestnut Ridge, but if it's so different from where they are now and they would move there anyhow, but don't want to because they don't want anyone to know they are different, then that's the problem.

nyer1

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 12:17 pm

Scrabble123 wrote:

It is not considered acceptable socially & religiously in many communities.

You're probably from a community that does not have a problem with it or where it is the norm or only option, which is why you don't understand the issue.

no, I do understand the issue. and im not from a community where that's the only option. I just don't let others opinions dictate my life. if I want to send my kid to a school with a bit of a commute, if I think that's best for my kid, then you can bet that's what I'll do. I don't understand why anyone would let others' dictate the educational decisions they make for their own family.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 12:22 pm

Scrabble123 wrote:

Is this really what frum judaism has come to? Im serious!!!!!! This makes me so mad. They have lost the plot to what is really important in Yehadut, not what school you send your child to and where it is, but what that school teaches and is it your hashkafa that you want your child to be learning.
This really makes me both sad and mad. So much about this is just plain wrong. These things have absolutely NOTHING to do with frumkeit.

LittleDucky

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 12:23 pm

Scrabble123 wrote:

This post is probably more of rant/awareness post, than it is a question, but I am shocked that "traveling for school" is not accepted in many communities. I grew up in a city where very few schools have buses (although more are acquiring a busing system), and it was an acceptable thing for parents, carpools, and drivers to drive children to schools in different cities. Some children lived nearby, but others lived an hour or more away. The children who lived further, such as myself, woke up at 5:30 and left the house by 6:15 to get to school 7:15. (Our schools start earlier). I don't understand why if I want to send my child to a school in BP, Monsey, etc. I have to live in that city. I really think that if people started sending to schools they like (versus what's close) the schools would have to improve themselves to fight with the competition. The schools may become more selective, but it would widen the options. If you live in a different city schools here assume you're trying to "hide" something. It's ridiculous.

You are also talking to people who feel its unthinkable to not have bussing. As a child I never had bussing. We arranged carpools, older siblings/friends who went to school/work in the area drove us etc. families drove 1hr or more. It seems people who are used to a certain idea like " my kid gets free bussing through high school even though they could walk/take public transit/carpool" cannot imagine sending a kid to school in the next town over, never the next city over.they won't get bussing then!!

amother

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 12:24 pm

I am from LA. I grew up in what is known as "the city". I currently in what is called "the valley".

My kids commute 30-45 minutes each way.

There is a school locally and I dont agree with their hashkafa.

People ask me if I would move back to the city to avoid the commute. I always answer the same, assuming I had the money to buy a 1.5+ million dollar home, I wouldnt move back because I dont like the values of many of the people living there.

I know that sounds funny that I am sending my kids to a school that is hashkaficly my speed but where 50% of the student body has different values than we have. But I am willing to fight the values battle with my kids, that is part of my job as a parent, I would find it harder fighting the religion battle.

(for examples, I find it easier to explain to my kid why I wont let him/her own expensive electronics then to explain to my kid why their classmate may be driving on shabbos or eating not kosher)

But to "back up" Scrabble. People think I'm CRAZY. Either I'm crazy because I moved to "the valley" and "I commute" or I'm crazy because I make my kids commute for school.

Rutabaga

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 12:58 pm

I understand why people would not want young children to have a long commute. It's hard enough for kids to sit in school for so long, but then to add so much time on a bus isn't so nice. Kids need time to unwind and run around and do their homework and still get to bed at a reasonable hour.

I think it's different for high schoolers. I did not attend the 2 most local schools to my house. Instead I commuted and was very happy. The time on the bus was used for last minute studying or for dozing or for socializing, depending on the needs of the day. I had girls in my high school that came from all over. Some lived more locally, so if I needed to stay late in school for some reason I would sleep over at someone's home. I had plenty of friends who were happy to come for shabbos since we couldn't just walk over to each others homes in the afternoon.

Then again, I didn't live in the type of community which seems to disdain people looking out of the box. I went to the high school that was best for me without regard as to what people would think.

I also live according to the tenet that if people wouldn't want to do shidduchim with me because of choices that I've made or things that I've done, then those are the types of people that I wouldn't want to do shidduchim with either. I don't believe in living in fear of others' opinions.

Scrabble123

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 1:00 pm

amother wrote:

I'm surprised that that is the attitude of LA, which is really a spread out city. It could be that it is becoming more localized though.

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I'm with you. It's very disturbing!

tigerwife

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 1:12 pm

I went to BYHS is Boro Park (a place I'd assume people would stereotype as being picky about random things like this). We had girls commute from all over, like Staten Island, Far Rockaway, even as far as the Catskills. In fact, even girls from deep in Flatbush had quite a commute.
I've never heard anyone judge them. They chose to come to this school, even though there were local schools, and no one asked them why or treated them differently.
Scrabble, I've never come across the attitude you're ranting about.

imaima

Tue, Sep 09 2014, 9:29 am

Scrabble123 wrote:

Weren't you the one who went to school where everyone wore Chanel and just was not aware of it? So can it be that your family could afford it and some people cannot afford to send their kids just wherever they please? Besides, travelling to school for 1 hour is a bit over the top for a 5-6 year old.

ETA: Just saw that you were talking about a different aspect.

iluvy

Tue, Sep 09 2014, 11:03 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

No, this is not what frum Judaism has come to. No one else on this thread has heard of this.

Scrabble123

Tue, Sep 09 2014, 11:11 am

imaima wrote:

I'm sorry, but it's comments like your first sentence that make people often want to post anonymously. I'm not sure where that applies to this thread, but I appreciate your ETA at the bottom.

iluvy wrote:

No, this is not what frum Judaism has come to. No one else on this thread has heard of this.

Really? No one else? Please go back and review the thread. There were a few people who have heard of it, including a person from LA which I found surprising (As I thought it was more of a chassidish/yeshivish BP/monsey/Williamsburg/Lakewood/etc problem). Also please read through all of the threads of people in Monsey and Lakewood without schools.

mommy3b2c

Tue, Sep 09 2014, 11:18 am

Ruchel wrote:

By me people who judge on school judge on school and not distance from aforementioned school.
I know of not hiring a teacher living far, not of not accepting a kid living far.
I can't even imagine in shidduchim "so did you live far from school" lol. The one who walks to school may well be the public schooled one. The one who commutes 3 h daily may well go to a top school.

The only thing I do think of, is those not wanting their kid walking/biking/in bus/subwaying (?) alone. And not having time to go along. My dd's friend is now attending a school more than one hour each way, subway, alone. Second grade. I was a bit taken aback, but no one else seems to be.

That is insane. I dont even let my secondgrader outside of my house to play alone.

catonmylap

Tue, Sep 09 2014, 11:22 am

growing up, a lot of Baltimore kids traveled to the DC area for high school...though I realized that the schools there would probably be a better fit for me, I wasn't unhappy enough with my own school to consider such a commute...the further away schools had earlier start times too making for very long days...

something I didn't understand -- when we lived where there was no school and parents sent their kids by bus 45 minutes each way... I would totally move and have the parents do the commute, rather than the little kids..

Barbara

Tue, Sep 09 2014, 11:28 am

tigerwife wrote:

Our MO high school attracts people from a distance as well, without comment.

But its not easy for them. They have to stay at friends' houses for Shabbat in order to have a social life with school friends, for example.

And as someone else mentioned, its even more difficult for small children. They are less likely to have local friends. They're tired from long commutes, and don't have time to play or participate in activities. While the plural of anecdote is not evidence, I know it didn't work for the kids I know. One kid wound up living with grandparents until his parents moved. Others insisted upon attending local schools after a year or two.

If there are local schools as well, its not likely that there will be busing to schools an hour or more away, meaning that parents will need to drive. Unless it happens to be on the way to work, that would mean 4 hours in a car -- 2 for drop off, 2 for pick up -- for parents. And for younger children who may not be in school yet. Not to mention wear and tear on vehicles, and the cost (financial and environmental) of fuel.

Ruchel

Tue, Sep 09 2014, 12:01 pm

catonmylap wrote:

something I didn't understand -- when we lived where there was no school and parents sent their kids by bus 45 minutes each way... I would totally move and have the parents do the commute, rather than the little kids..

This may mean a dangerous area, or no eruv, or tiny apartment on top floor no elevator...
If my kids one day need to "go far" it will be either because it's not affordable there, or because on contrary it's bad.

nylon

Tue, Sep 09 2014, 12:33 pm

Why are we using Monsey to BP as an example? That is a terribly long trip for a child, even a high schooler.

I know people OOT whose kids travel 90 minutes each way for high school. It's rough on them. They have a very, very long day.

Religious values and shidduchim are one thing but for many people it is logistics. With 2 working parents who will drive the kids so far if there isn't a bus organized?

amother

Tue, Sep 09 2014, 12:37 pm

nylon wrote:

it was one example but we spoke about Lakewood too