Neighbors kids dont wax or shave

amother

Sun, Sep 28 2014, 8:38 pm

OK, I was that kid. I WISH someone would have said something to my mother before other kids started making fun of me behind my back. If you do choose to say something, be very careful to be gentle and non judgemental etc etc. It is a very sticky situation and yes, you might lose a friend over it if your neighbor is very touchy. But for the sake of these girls, speak up.
I do believe its not a 'mind your own business' kind of thing because some mothers are clueless and there is no reason that a girl should be left without guidance on proper hygiene. If the girls dont like to shave for whatever reason then the mother will let you know you have overstepped and you can apologize profusely. I say its worth the risk.
jmo

amother

Sun, Sep 28 2014, 8:44 pm

Please DON'T be one of those women who says things like, "Your dd would be so pretty.. if she waxed her face." You don't know if they have some sort of hormonal disorder or other condition, and your comment on their hair could be incredibly hurtful.

If you really feel that you must bring it up, you can talk about YOUR experience and not relate it to hers. I've told a few of my friends about how, when I started growing a blonde "mustache" I told my mother and she ignored me. Then, I stole my Dad's (disposable) razor to shave it off - and when my mother found out, she freaked out and took me to get waxed that afternoon. (Anon - b/c I've told this story IRL)

amother

Sun, Sep 28 2014, 9:05 pm

amother wrote:

100%.

I was the kid who looked horrible because her mother stam didn't care and refused to give in to my requests for tweezers, bras that fit (my mom bought them without me there to try on), maxi pads that didn't show through my clothing (I kid you not), the list goes on... she consistently ignored my pleas for help (and my father, for various reasons, wanted nothing to do with the problem) but may have listened if one of her friends had interceded on my behalf and pointed out that she was making herself look like a terrible mother (which she was, all of her friends pitied me). That having been said, exposing a young child to wax is a very personal matter and it is possible that this mother actively decided that she does not think that it is a safe activity for her child. I would broach the topic but tread carefully... maybe crux it as how not being allowed to tweeze or shave as a child impacted you personally?

yo'ma

Sun, Sep 28 2014, 9:06 pm

amother wrote:

If you really feel that you must bring it up, you can talk about YOUR experience and not relate it to hers. I've told a few of my friends about how, when I started growing a blonde "mustache" I told my mother and she ignored me. Then, I stole my Dad's (disposable) razor to shave it off - and when my mother found out, she freaked out and took me to get waxed that afternoon. (Anon - b/c I've told this story IRL)

This!
I'm also with the mind your own business, but if you must say something, talk about your experience and nothing else.

amother

Sun, Sep 28 2014, 9:55 pm

My mother taught me to shave my legs at 9. I also had dark facial hair and tried waxing, hair removers and bleach. I really was too young to use any of them safely and properly and they backfired on me. Waxing was either too painful or ineffective. The creams, I didn't know how to take off at the right time and burned my skin. Bleach would only work for a short time until the dark started to show again. I was teased terribly throughout high school, or I had to put up with "helpful" comments from friends who would "casually" remark about how facial hair could be removed. Yes, I know they were trying to be helpful. What would have been even more helpful would be an attitude that "you are accepted just as you are, and having dark facial hair doesn't make you less of a person."

I didn't start really taking care of my facial hair until I was in my 20's and working. By then I was old enough to figure out what works for me. I was also less sensitive about what other people think. Now there are times when my facial hair does grow out or show more and, well, everyone else will just have to deal if they don't like it. It's my body and my face.

DrMom

Sun, Sep 28 2014, 10:45 pm

amother wrote:

You can see the hairs through their tights
and hair on their upper lip and eyebrows.
Wwyd tell the mother or kid or leave it be

Why do you know that hair is poking out of their tights? Do you inspect their legs at close range?
And aren't eyebrows supposed to have hair?

amother

Sun, Sep 28 2014, 11:00 pm

Please for the love of G-d don't mention your experiences. I didn't have such an issue with hair but I had another issue that people felt compelled to talk about (weight). I'm not obtuse and when people would randomly come over to me and tell me about a diet that worked really well for them I knew they were itching to say you should really try that diet. I'm not an idiot and I'm not blind and believe me I never wanted to look that way. Why did people think I'd never thought of dieting on my own?? There was one of two possibilities. Either I couldn't control it or I didn't care. Neither would be helped by such "helpful" commentary.

Simple1

Sun, Sep 28 2014, 11:08 pm

Don't do it anonymously. She'll be going crazy wondering who sent the letter and will be embarrassed to face anyone.

If you must, go with the "sharing your experience" route. Though personally, I'd say nothing. Maybe, maybe if I was really very close with her. I agree with sequoia this is not a really hygeine issue.

proudmother1

Sun, Sep 28 2014, 11:12 pm

amother wrote:

You can see the hairs through their tights
and hair on their upper lip and eyebrows.
Wwyd tell the mother or kid or leave it be

Please, do tell us all the truth.
Would you like for your neighbors to tell you about what they think that you do wrong with your children?
I'm sure that they can all chime in here and give us examples.
Maybe one of them thinks that you are abusing your children by waxing their legs at such a young age. She is posting here, wondering if she should tell you.

amother

Sun, Sep 28 2014, 11:15 pm

funny to put myself back to around 25 yrs ago.

For myself - my mom never bought me shavers and didn't know from waxing.

B"H as I became more independent I realized that my friends were waxing their legs, eyebrows and lips. Truth, it sounded like they were going to a spa and it was soooo good. I was really surprised how much it hurt and that people do this.

At this point in my middle aged (?) busy life I no longer wax my legs but do take care of my eyebrows and lip - not enough though.

I wish my mom took care of herself and taught me to do the same. I dont think and young girl can take care of it on her own until she is out in the working world.

I know people who are pretty "frumpy" looking and never wax. These days it really looks weird to have facial hair but I guess they just don't care!

Bitachon101

Sun, Sep 28 2014, 11:25 pm

Some mothers really are clueless abt their kids cosmetic needs. I love my mom but honestly by 12 I needed a shaver and was too embarrassed and shy to ask her... Wish someone would have joked abt buying their daughter shaver so she'd "catch on". In the end I just found a sibling's used shaver and had no clue how to use it and ended up shaving skin off really bad and was really embarrassed at this point and bandaged it all up myself. Not sure what point I finally told her to buy me shaver. She just didn't really realize the need and I'm sure this neighbor doesn't either. Some ppl are just less cosmetic smart then others.

I vote for a conversation with her in a humorous way faith ur own "experience" or story to spear head a convo in general abt shaving and waxing and age etc.
Don't be nosy but for the kids sake please do be a friend!

2cents

Sun, Sep 28 2014, 11:25 pm

my parents r persian and they were convinced I would be tossed out of bais yaakov if I shaved my legs or waxed my eye brows -- it took a lot of convincing that it wasn't considered inappropriate for a 13 year old to do! BH, I didn't have it so bad (no unibrow or mustache), although I remember being embarrassed of my legs as early as 2nd grade !

now I see girls in shul, etc, and I feel so bad: they're dressed up in yom tov clothing, hair is done nicely, and BAM, heavy upper lip hair. or very obvious dark leg hair. at an age where the girl is beautifying herself and is conscious of her body, its so painfully embarrassing to her to have it. but the mothers r really convinced that their daughters wont get good persian husbands and will look too worldly, etc.

(thankfully, this old fashioned mindset--which doesnt even exist in iran anymore- is dying out. while a lot of young girls aren't allowed to get their brows done neatly, their parents let them get rid of the mustache, unibrow hair, and leg hair.)