Projecting more or less wealth than reality

mommy3b2c

Wed, Dec 10 2014, 7:17 pm

L25 wrote:

mommy2b2c- I've always been curious about this mentality. I'm asking- out of trying to understand and not judging-when you say "have money" do you mean being wealthy or just "not struggling" I can understand not wanting people to know that you are really struggling but why would you want people to think you are wealthy?

I can't say that I want people to think I am wealthy, but lots of people do. When I am hanging out with wealthy "fancy" people, I let them think it. When I am with people who have less, I will downplay what I have to a certain extent. It's hard for me to explain it.

momoftwo2

Wed, Dec 10 2014, 8:52 pm

To answer your question, op, I don't project anything. I buy what I need and what is within my means without giving a darn what other people might think. If anything they are so busy thinking what everyone thinks about them. So they Hv no time to think about me 😉

southernbubby

Wed, Dec 10 2014, 9:10 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

Does that mean that no one has Bugaboos?

I don't see any Bubaboos and I don't know where to buy one here. People here would rather brag about how little they spend rather than how much they spend. We are ashamed when we waste money.

zaq

Wed, Dec 10 2014, 9:40 pm

southernbubby wrote:

I don't see any Bubaboos and I don't know where to buy one here. People here would rather brag about how little they spend rather than how much they spend. We are ashamed when we waste money.

I want to give you a great big sincere hug, not a "mind is a terrible thing to waste" hug! This is exactly how I feel. My friends and I love sharing tales of great metziahs. It takes no brains to buy goods at luxury prices; it takes some smarts to get good stuff for very little. If it involves some effort, maybe washing or minor repair, so much the better; that shows gumption and willingness to work. I never did understand people who brag "See this (fill in "hot" item of your choice)? I was the first one in line, bought it the first day it came on the market!" So? You're an idiot; had you waited a few weeks you could have gotten it for half the price. "See this Bugaboo? I found it on Craigslist for $75" or "I found it on the sidewalk; all it needed was a new front wheel and it was perfect" is bragging I can relate to.

Last edited by zaq on Wed, Dec 10 2014, 9:43 pm; edited 1 time in total

southernbubby

Wed, Dec 10 2014, 9:40 pm

Also, here in the Detroit area there is a baby gemach run by Lainie Roth called the Detroit Baby Drive. Bubbies with visiting grandchildren or new moms who need time to figure out what to buy are loaned top quality baby gear, free of charge but we usually give a donation. Moms who are low income are helped for a longer period of time. I am a good "customer" of Lainie Roth's gemach when my grandchildren visit. Lainie has strollers in the gemach but they are city-mini and not Bugaboo.

southernbubby

Wed, Dec 10 2014, 9:46 pm

zaq wrote:

to you too Very Happy

I am glad that we have some families that want to set a good example for the kids. We are not into "brand names" in our family. If a grandchild asks for "Toms" shoes, she gets an off brand pair from her parents. Status symbol toys such as American girl dolls do not grace the toy boxes of our family. Ordinary dolls work just fine. We can use our money for more important things.

amother

Wed, Dec 10 2014, 10:19 pm

Wow. I'm so happy to hear that there are communities that are so not materialistic. Sounds like a different world than where I come from (New York obviously..). Where I live, it's totally normal to have a bugaboo, no one would think twice. Sometimes I feel embarrassed of my stroller, even though it was not cheap.

southernbubby

Wed, Dec 10 2014, 10:37 pm

amother wrote:

Let me explain the difference. When I walk down the street in my neighborhood, I might not see a soul. The sidewalks might be totally empty so who exactly am I trying to impress? In NY, walking down the street is an event. You see lots of people and some of them are people that you may know personally. Some of these people are looking to see who is "making it" or not and others could not care less. Also, here where I live, there are no street beggars. In NY, people want to avoid looking bedraggled or haggard because there is a negative element that they must rise above. That still does not turn a status symbol baby buggy into a necessity.

amother

Wed, Dec 10 2014, 11:08 pm

southernbubby wrote:

Interesting, but I'm not sure that I totally agree. I think there is just more of an obsession with money here. People who are wealthy are respected and looked up to. Wealthy people are generally treated better in schools, Shuls, community, etc. I think this just naturally causes people to try to live above their means and prove themselves as having "made it". And once people start living a certain way, everyone feels the need to raise their standards too. It's a vicious cycle.

amother

Wed, Dec 10 2014, 11:32 pm

amother wrote:

I don't think those that are wealthy "see" status symbols like Bugaboos. They are strictly in the background. Of course there are nice things around because that is how it is done. It makes no difference to me how much I pay for something. I want the object to do the job rather than proclaim I am wealthy.

amother

Wed, Dec 10 2014, 11:36 pm

amother wrote:

I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to say.

southernbubby

Wed, Dec 10 2014, 11:38 pm

amother wrote:

I know because some of my kids live there. Because they have siblings raising families nearby, however, they are not as affected by the standards of society. My daughter likes to brag to her friends that her girls wear Bubby's homemade skirts. I sew, so I can make what they want. She is not afraid to tell the world that her kids wear homemade clothes. Families just have to stick together and find their own level of comfort. They swap kids clothes and help each other out. At a certain point you just have to say "enough."

amother

Thu, Dec 11 2014, 12:04 am

southernbubby wrote:

I think it's great that they have the strength to do that. I'll say from experience, it's not easy. There's A LOT of social pressure and is really hard to be able to say"enough" and opt out of the rat race. Yes, I see those that are able to do it, and I have a lot of respect. I'm not that strong. I also grew up with mostly very wealthy friends, so that's definitely part of the problem...

amother

Thu, Dec 11 2014, 1:49 am

I thought about this post as I got into my husbands hybrid lexus tonight, bidding farewell to an older kollel wife who was clearly shocked by the car I was getting into. It happens to be my ILs have $$ and lots of people know it but we definitely don't!! So why do we have a Lexus? You may be wondering. Well, because my husband is the worlds greatest businessman. He pays less for his hybrid Lexus than he would for a Toyota Camry. We don't like to project wealth, actually most people I'm close to know how financially strapped I am right now. However, my husband goes for value and will always find a way to get something of greater value for less money. My husband is not into gashmius at all, he doesn't care about his shoes or his ties or fancy watches. He's pretty simple in just about every way. But when he has to buy something, he makes sure to get the most bang for his buck. This is coming from the gal who would be embarrassed to wear a designer anything just about, even if I could afford it. Just shedding some light on another perspective...

(And to those frugal thrift shoppers- I'm totally with you. My favorite skirts were from thrift shops, $1 Friday. Bh!)

amother

Thu, Dec 11 2014, 3:35 am

Interesting discussion. I have never actually wasted a minute thinking what others would think of me based the stuff I own. yes I have a bugaboo- it was a present. And come to think of it, I may look way more well to do that we actually are becuase I have nice hand me downs for the kids and lots of old clothes that are to the fancy side so I'm sure no one would realize we can just afford food and the basics. Someone once told me that for sure the jewlery I'm wearing is real becuase I'm too elegant to wear fake. TOld them it was fake but seriusly who cares? I don't like people bragging aboutmoey or even about lack of money. It's just not that important. It is only matters to me how much I have, who cares how much other have?
Please enjoy your bugaboo and stop thinking so much! If people are that bored that they think of how much you have based your stroller- let them. Who cares?

amother

Thu, Dec 11 2014, 5:29 am

I own a luxury stroller and I wonder if it ever occurred to anyone, but expensive strollers are also a very good quality in comparison to cheap ones. So it is not so much about status, as it is about being able to afford more comfort for yourself and your baby.

I also have a cheap stroller and frankly speaking, they don't compare. The cheaper one is useable, but the difference is obvious.

amother

Thu, Dec 11 2014, 7:11 am

amother wrote:

I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to say.

When you have money, these status symbol things like Bugaboos are totally meaningless. When you can afford these things without thinking twice about it, why would you look at what someone else is wheeling? A bugaboo is a teensy tiny fraction of a rich person's budget.

esther09

Thu, Dec 11 2014, 7:32 am

amother wrote:

This. The only people looking are the ones who are trying to project more wealth than they have and/or are jealous of wealth and brand names.

Personally, we live within our means; sometimes we splurge when we can and sometimes we do without. It's all about your values as a family. But I often feel people who are obsessed with brand names are trying to fill some void. I agree with the poster above about going for value. I would rather have a good quality, leather purse that is no brand name than a nylon one with little "LV"s all over it...