Dreading being a guest on Yom Tov?

amother

Cyan

Thu, Apr 09 2015, 11:49 am

Always remember that its also difficult for parents to host you for yomtov. If you think you're doing them such a huge favor by moving in, try to imagine opening your home and upending for a full week and giving up your privacy after weeks of hard work and days of cooking and standing on your feet just for some nachas. And be a little grateful !

amother

Blonde

Thu, Apr 09 2015, 12:14 pm

amother wrote:

Who is discussing favors?! You completely missed the point.

dancingqueen

Thu, Apr 09 2015, 12:25 pm

zaq wrote:

Parents and inlaws? Are you all talking about parents and inlaws? I was talking about friends, and not necessarily Pesach. Though I will say that if you are any kind of mensch at all, you will not collapse on the couch after the meal but will do the right thing which is to help clear up, just as you did--you DID, didn't you?-- when you were still a bat bayit there and as you ought to do anywhere you go unless the hosts specifically tell you not to. Especially at the home of your parents, who are not getting any younger, and at your inlaws, upon whom you should still be trying to make a good impression even if you are married to their son for 15 years. Courtesy is never out of style or unnecessary.

Of course zaq don't worry my mama raised me right. Yes I assume op and others were talking about going to parents for pesach. Of course I help, at my mil I help more than her own kids. But I am comfortable at both houses too.

Thu, Apr 09 2015, 12:46 pm

amother wrote:

Are you a parent talking here?

joker

Thu, Apr 09 2015, 3:18 pm

I'm so glad u posted this I absolutely dread going away for yt I have panic attacks for months before and every time I tell anyone this they look at me like in crazy! This year I finally decided enough and cleaned for pesach so at least we could stay home one half even though we still had to go to my in laws for one half. It's probably very challenging with a full time job to make pesach and everyone has different energy levels but at it could be doable. For some reason everyone loves to scare u about how hard it is to make pesach and how grateful u should be for ur inlaws Uch!!! It's really not such a big deal to make pesach and yes we fly with little kids who r sick and difficult on a good day put up with sometimes difficult family dynamics and parents and parents in laws garbage just to make them happy. I do consider it a favor that I come to them and to be honest think it's selfish that they drag everyone to them and won't consider coming to their kids or allowing us to stay home without a guilt trip. It causes tremendous resentment on my part.

amother

cornflower

Thu, Apr 09 2015, 4:06 pm

All you young chickadees who are "doing your parents a favor" by coming for YT (and here I thought they were doing you the favor by enabling you to get away without making Pesach, silly me), please check back in in 25-30 years and tell us you're still singing the same tune when your dils do you the big favor of moving in with you on pesach.

amother

White

Thu, Apr 09 2015, 4:26 pm

amother wrote:

Then why the guilt trip? Why the "but we'll miss you! And your sister and brothers are all coming... (Or we'll be ALL alone..)."

I think there is too much read between the lines talk. People should be more open and honest. Yes, we'd love to have you but make up your own mind. Or it's a lot of work and we aren't up to it...

joker

Thu, Apr 09 2015, 5:59 pm

Get away without making yt?! Sorry completely cannot relate its a hundred times easier for me to make yt than to travel with my kids so yes it is a favor I see it as kibbud av va aim and being respectful to my husband who wants to see his famiy. I have offered many times to make yt succor or pesach and have everyone come to me but they refuse and I have offered to come a different time when it's less stressful but I think that would really hurt them so we go and I'm so stressed and exhausted after I cannot breath. And on top of that I have to listen to them complain about the noise and mess. So tired of hearing everyone talk like he kids come for an extended vacation and don't help bla bla bla most people I meet. Are extremely hard working and only have two hands hard to chase ur kids and clean if u know what I mean

Hadassah231

Fri, Apr 10 2015, 4:45 pm

The last three years I had family pass away right before or during Pesach. I got last minute flights to see them before they passed, so I had no time or inclination to make seder or attend another's. This year my (non-Jewish) father had brain surgery right before, so again, preparing a seder was the least of my worries. I cleaned before I left, but I missed both my friends' seders and couldn't do my own. I got back an hour erev Pesach/Shabbos and so went without the first night and was too upset and exhausted to do the second night. I'm starting to fear Yontif because it seems to signal someone's about to be lost.

shabbatiscoming

Sat, Apr 11 2015, 6:03 pm

amother wrote:

but what about the parents who ask their children to come for all of pesach or just assume that their children will come? Why are you assuming that all parents dont like it? And who is saying that when chilren come for yt (and all through pesach) they are not helping 150% all of the time? Why are you thinking that they are doing nothing and just sitting back? DOnt know about anyone else, but I work darn hard (and wouldnt have it any other way and love it) while at my parents. And they love having their grandchildren and children all around them.
Its not always the children asking to come to the parents. Sometimes its the parents asking the childen to come to them.

amother

Cerise

Sat, Apr 11 2015, 7:18 pm

amother wrote:

Cooking and cleaning will definitely take me a while since I work all day and still have to take care of my baby, as I've mentioned earlier. I never got how someone can clean their house for Pesach in two days. It just wouldn't work for me. .

Pesach is VERY overrated! Just made pesach for second time and loved it. So MUCH better than going away.
You do NOT have to clean your bed frames. You have to look for chaemtz which is bigger than cheerio. Get a few hours of cleaning help. Well worth the investment.
Just do a regular clean up. I did not go through my drawers/closets...I just looked for chometz.
I lock up most of my closets and cabinets.
Keep one big pantry. Have minimal utensils. Use disposables.
Cook up meats and freeze in small amounts so am not busy cooking whole YT.
Use same mashed potatoes/side dishes...
and we had a beautiful YT! I was so chilled and we even got away before YT.
I wish I can convince e/o how to make Pesach LEHALACHA. People over do it!

amother

Goldenrod

Sat, Apr 11 2015, 10:30 pm

And this is why I never go away for YT anymore.

I used to go to my parents but it was always crazy and cramped there. Then I got yelled at for not helping enough with the cooking and cleaning even though I had young children to take care of and was either pregnant or nursing. My husband, kids, and I would come home miserable and its not like my parents even enjoyed having us because they would complain how hard we were.

Now we stay home and its wonderful. We clean one day (large house with 3 floors and two cars), shop another day, kasher a third day, cook a fourth day, and tie everything up the fifth day. Pesach in 5 days and its not hard at all. We also spend $500 on yom tov including everything so its not the biggest financial stress.

Ive only been making Pesach for 3 years but its been going well.

amother

Goldenrod

Sat, Apr 11 2015, 10:35 pm

amother wrote:

I'm Goldenrod amother below you. I could not agree more.

We do such a chilled pesach with great but simple food and disposables. We clean the very basics and don't go crazy.

I agree completely that people have taken Pesach out of control. Its not fair to blame Pesach for being OCD.

amother

Denim

Sat, Apr 11 2015, 10:43 pm

amother wrote:

When do you clean your bed frames? Do you never clean your draws, closets and cabinets? Do you just never spring clean? Everyone should give their homes a spring cleaning. Anyone who doesn't give their home a deep cleaning once a year is not living in a clean home.

amother

Goldenrod

Sat, Apr 11 2015, 10:47 pm

amother wrote:

don't give Pesach a bad rap. Spring cleaning has nothing to do with Pesach even though people confuse the two and then kvetch that Pesach is so hard.

amother

Denim

Sat, Apr 11 2015, 10:55 pm

amother wrote:

don't give Pesach a bad rap. Spring cleaning has nothing to do with Pesach even though people confuse the two and then kvetch that Pesach is so hard.

My question is when do they spring clean? It is easier to spring clean before Pesach then after. If they skip spring cleaning then the house is never really cleaned.

I read the threads of what people find pesach cleaning. Things should never get to that point. Being things do, then houses must be cleaned once a year.

amother

Goldenrod

Sat, Apr 11 2015, 10:58 pm

amother wrote:

There are ten months a year that do not include a week long holiday. Clean any one of those months.

MamaBear

Sat, Apr 11 2015, 11:08 pm

amother wrote:

This is exactly what I do. Our previous experiences were unenjoyable (had to clean and kasher just to go away for the first days but then come back because dh had to work) so I found a better way. The week before Pesach is ten times harder than going away but my actually pesach experience once it begins is infinitely better.