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Forum
-> Parenting our children
syrima
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 Thu, Apr 09 2015, 10:28 am
So my kids are ages 7-15, between 2 seders and Totty & Zayde's afikomans they each claim an afikoman gift.
In past years we just took them all to the toy store, gave them a limit of $20-$25 each, and within an hour they could usually all find something they liked.
Now I find the kids are getting older, the things they really want have bigger price tags, are muktzeh and do not fit in our apartment (think electric scooters and drum sets).
I would like to abolish afikoman presents as a kid's absolute right in our house or at the very least, establish a maximum age limit.
Anyone else done this?
I have a feeling there will be unhappy campers... 
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Rubber Ducky
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Thu, Apr 09 2015, 10:46 am
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You've already established a price limit. If they can't find something in that range, you could just give them the cash and they can save up for whatever they really want.
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FranticFrummie
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Thu, Apr 09 2015, 10:49 am
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IMHO, 15 is pretty old for a "prize". I would give them each some money to buy something special for Yontiff, and give a treat from the dollar store to the little one.
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momspower
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Thu, Apr 09 2015, 10:50 am
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I put the Afikoman expense on the same list of my grocery and clothing list already...
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momX4
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Thu, Apr 09 2015, 10:56 am
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older kids can get a new cd, personlized siddur, trendy necklace...
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lech lecha08
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Thu, Apr 09 2015, 10:58 am
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Can you offer an experience as a prize like a trip or outing? My 8 year old asked my parents to stay by them for a few days this summer as her reward
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Notsobusy
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Thu, Apr 09 2015, 11:02 am
| lech lecha08 wrote: | | Can you offer an experience as a prize like a trip or outing? My 8 year old asked my parents to stay by them for a few days this summer as her reward |
We started doing something similar. We take the kids on an overnight Chol Hamoed trip, so staying in a hotel, which they all love, is their afikomen present. We try to make sure the hotel has an indoor pool and we go swimming either late at night or early in the morning when it's empty.
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zaq
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Thu, Apr 09 2015, 12:20 pm
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Who is the boss here? You make the rules, you enforce them. If your rule is a price limit of $25 and it must be smaller than a breadbox, then you nix requests (aka extortionate demands) for items that do not meet the criteria.
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amother
Aqua
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Thu, Apr 09 2015, 12:32 pm
Brag alert!
B"H in out family the point is the stealing and hiding, the cleverer the better. We never allowed it to be about the prize, even when the kids were small. Our ds's afikoman "prize" was for his dad to learn with him for an hour every evening. the ds is 21, not 12, but he could've asked for a fancy watch something.
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sourstix
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Thu, Apr 09 2015, 1:20 pm
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I would not abolish or limit the age, tho the amount spent keep to minimum. why? cause its something thats rooted in the haggada the children stay up for this very reason, we want to impart so many things to them and its sweetened with this. its a mesora I wouldnt give up. iwould definitely walk in knowing what they want check the prices and tell them what the budget is. or if the budget doesnt allow what they want is to deal with it in a way that will help them understand. they will protest but if your financially strapped which so many are, explaining to them that you simply cant and you can go somewhere thats free to enjoy like I did this year and make fun out of it is an alternative. they can learn a valuable lesson, that enjoying yourself isnt always about how much you spend. but I would commiserate iniatially and just keep on moving along the positive to go to second best. thats what life is all about making choices in whatever situation your in. hope this helps. chag sameach
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Eemaof3
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Thu, Apr 09 2015, 4:36 pm
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Am I the only one who does small stuff like chocolate bars or tubs of that nasty cotton candy? We have all the kids search together so there is never a single "winner". One year (when our kids were tiny) we bought some beanie baby outfits at Costco or Sams and gave those to the little girls who were at our seder. I forget what the boys got. Maybe my kids have been deprived all these years.
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debsey
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Thu, Apr 09 2015, 6:13 pm
| syrima wrote: | So my kids are ages 7-15, between 2 seders and Totty & Zayde's afikomans they each claim an afikoman gift.
In past years we just took them all to the toy store, gave them a limit of $20-$25 each, and within an hour they could usually all find something they liked.
Now I find the kids are getting older, the things they really want have bigger price tags, are muktzeh and do not fit in our apartment (think electric scooters and drum sets).
I would like to abolish afikoman presents as a kid's absolute right in our house or at the very least, establish a maximum age limit.
Anyone else done this?
I have a feeling there will be unhappy campers... | we stop afikomen presents once you are in high school. But even for upper elementary, the upper limit is 25.00 and you can get it "towards" something. I agree - an electric scooter sounds excessive, though I suspect it varies with the standards of your neighborhood.
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happy to be me
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Thu, Apr 09 2015, 6:35 pm
| sourstix wrote: | | I would not abolish or limit the age, tho the amount spent keep to minimum. why? cause its something thats rooted in the haggada the children stay up for this very reason, we want to impart so many things to them and its sweetened with this. its a mesora I wouldnt give up. |
I was told that the concept of encouraging the children to stay up is referring to children that are below bar/bas mitzva and are not yet mechuyav b' mitzvos. Once they are past th age of doing it for chinuch purposes and they are bar/bas mitzva then this concept is no longer relevant to them.
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Ruchel
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Sat, Apr 11 2015, 6:44 pm
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Here I am, unaware that kids would choose (demand!) their gift... or get huge ones... even rich kids !
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amother
Mauve
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Sat, Apr 11 2015, 9:25 pm
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We stopped giving presents. There is no difference in participation. Kids still have fun.
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imaima
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Sun, Apr 12 2015, 1:38 am
| sourstix wrote: | | I would not abolish or limit the age, tho the amount spent keep to minimum. why? cause its something thats rooted in the haggada the children stay up for this very reason, we want to impart so many things to them and its sweetened with this. its a mesora I wouldnt give up. iwould definitely walk in knowing what they want check the prices and tell them what the budget is. or if the budget doesnt allow what they want is to deal with it in a way that will help them understand. they will protest but if your financially strapped which so many are, explaining to them that you simply cant and you can go somewhere thats free to enjoy like I did this year and make fun out of it is an alternative. they can learn a valuable lesson, that enjoying yourself isnt always about how much you spend. but I would commiserate iniatially and just keep on moving along the positive to go to second best. thats what life is all about making choices in whatever situation your in. hope this helps. chag sameach |
I find it silly to reward for staying up. my daughter fell asleep almost with her face in the second cup, how is it her fault that she is too small? We give gifts for afikoman to all the kids, also within 20 dollar range. We ask what they want to get an idea but decide what they are getting (depending if there are any delas in the store). I reward for participation during the seder though. They love it.
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mommydiaries
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Sun, Apr 12 2015, 2:26 am
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We give a ticket for every question the kids answer/ask or more for a dvar torah at the seder. Each ticket is worth a certain amount of money. Whatever they earn is what they get to spend on their afikoman gift.
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lifesagift
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Sun, Apr 12 2015, 2:41 am
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We ate the Seder by my parents. My father was all sure,sure.. Whatever you want... So my kids ages 6-11 started asking for ridiculous stuff int $100 range. I know my father will never buy 300$ worth of stuff. So I quickly told kids, if u want to get anything you better ask for something sensible. In less than a minute, they quickly came up with something in $30 range. Smarter than we think
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amother
Cerise
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Sun, Apr 12 2015, 2:50 am
When we were growing up we had a guest every year t that would give us a gift for not stealing his afikomen:)
Now we don't do the gift thing or stealing thing at all (gasp gasp).
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Twizzlers
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Sun, Apr 12 2015, 5:23 am
We dont do afikoman presents. My kids are still young so we do ma nishtana presents instead. when they get older, they will get for saying divrei torah.
we make the seder interesting for them so they want to stay up. also when they are too young to understand all of the hagada, they can play with the new toy or game they got already at the beginning of magid.
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