At what age did you talk to dd about babies?

Ima2

Fri, Aug 21 2015, 4:42 am

My daughter is 10 and she recently asked me where babies come from. She has asked in the past but a simple answer has sufficed. This time, I was able to distract her with something else and not answer her. dh thinks that at 10yo she should know the truth-not in graphic detail, but still, the truth. I'm not sure about this. we live in Israel and she is in the Israeli BY school system so she is very sheltered, she really knows nothing. At what age did you have this talk with your daughter and how did you tell her? TIA for the help!!

Iymnok

Fri, Aug 21 2015, 4:50 am

Add a little detail and follow her lead if she wants to know more. She may just want more technical details.
My 5 yo dd just asked me how the baby gets in there. I tried really simple, but she wasn't accepting it so I added a little more.

imaima

Fri, Aug 21 2015, 5:33 am

Ima2 wrote:

You daughter could be menstruating now. How can you not talk about such things? I would definitely tell my daughter at this age where they come out of, but not yet how they get in there.

ahuva06

Fri, Aug 21 2015, 6:24 am

Does she read English? Perhaps now would be a good time to have her read a book like The Wonder of Becoming You.

(Or maybe you can read it and give over the information to your daughter. The book is written in a very modest way.)

Chayalle

Fri, Aug 21 2015, 10:56 am

I tell my DD's about periods just about at their 10th birthday. Even though they are late bloomers and develop later, their peers are developing and I want them to understand what's going on around them.

One DD was the questioning type, which actually made it easier - she asked, and conversation followed. The other is the oblivious, happy-go-lucky type, and I had to totally schedule the conversation.

Once I explain about periods, I explain that that's how babies come out - it stretches like a balloon (I remember my mother using this metaphor with me!) and then shrinks back.

It took a few more years (like 13 or so) for them to ask more about the father's role, and I give them answers when they ask for it, or broach it if I think it's about time and they don't ask.

blushy

Fri, Aug 21 2015, 11:23 am

My mom had the period talk with me when I was nine. I ended up getting it right after I turned eleven, so it was nice that I was prepared. She never discussed the "birds and the bees" with me ever, which is just as well, because I ended up finding out from a knowledgable school friend - at the ripe old age of ten. I went to a really frum BY. My mom probably also thought I knew nothing. My girls are still little, but I hope they will find these things out from ME, so I do intend to tell them around that age. I'd rather they come to me with their questions than go to other, questionable sources.

amother

Cerise

Fri, Aug 21 2015, 11:31 am

blushy wrote:

Same, and same. And it wasn't even b/c of tznius- my mom's not that frum. She's just a prude.

I think it's a disservice, and I will definitely be discussing it with my daughter(s).

Ima2

Sun, Aug 23 2015, 1:55 pm

in the parenting class that I take, the rebetzin told us to tell our daughters about their period and puberty etc by the end of 5th grade-she's entering 5th grade this year. so I planned on talking about that then. I've already told her where the baby comes out from, she wanted to know how it got in there in the 1st place! Of course I want to be the one to tell her about it all, but I don't know how much and how to tell her. what do I actually TELL her?

amother

cornflower

Sun, Aug 23 2015, 4:25 pm

Ima2 wrote:

By the end of 5th grade? That's 11. Going on 12. I can't understand that. Our school had the talk during 6th grade and I was so annoyed at them. Are they purposely trying to miss a dozen of the girls or so?
As I told the nurse who spoke with the girls - that boat has sailed.

MagentaYenta

Sun, Aug 23 2015, 4:28 pm

Ima2 wrote:

It really depends on how much she knows about human biology. Does she know that female mammals have ova and male have sperm? Is she aware that babies are carried in the the mother's body?

ra_mom

Sun, Aug 23 2015, 4:33 pm

Ima2 wrote:

She's telling you she's ready for the talk. Periods, how the baby got in there, and all.
It might be helpful to start with the period, continue with the egg turning into a zygote / pregnancy, etc. Maybe that will be enough information for her at this point.
If she's still asking specifics that need to be answered with man + woman, a scientific diagram might be good to use at this age.

iriska_meller

Sun, Aug 23 2015, 5:19 pm

There are some excellent books on amazon. Although they might not be super clean. But if you are not sure how to talk to your child, you can buy one of these books for yourself, read it and just tell her the clean parts.
I got a book called "its not the stork!" for my daughter when she was 6 (we are not sheltered). It is a great book, except I can see how many parents would be upset about it talking about "all kinds of families" including two dad and two mom families. hence the suggestion to read a book or two and tell your child the parts you are OK with them knowing. The books will give you hints on correct approach and vocabulary to use.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Aug 23 2015, 5:35 pm

There is nothing "dirty" or "untznius" about basic human anatomy! Mad

I'll tell you what's gross, my DD learning weird ideas about zex in our shul bathroom, from an older girl who's a bit "off", and very boy crazy. She loved to shock the younger girls by giving them graphic descriptions of what she wants to do with the boys she has crushes on.*

DD was 10 at the time, and B'H she felt like she could come to me and ask me to clarify things for her.

IMHO, if a child is old enough to ask, then they're old enough to know. Ask your DD what she's heard, what she thinks is going on, and then work from there. This is not the time for you to be shy. Your DD deserves to hear the truth in a calm, reassuring, and healthy manner, with no narishkeit.

*(BTW, in a roundabout, sensitive way, I tried to get someone to talk to the girl's parents about the girl possibly being into things she shouldn't, but the parents didn't believe a word of what DD reported to me. Their "sheltered little angel" would never do anything like that! I tried to warn them. I worry about that child. Crying

)

Ima2

Wed, Aug 26 2015, 3:07 am

[quote="FranticFrummie"]There is nothing "dirty" or "untznius" about basic human anatomy! Mad

I know that there is nothing dirty or untznius about the human body. I don't think that way. I just don't know how to tell her. what did you all tell your child-can anyone give me like a basic outline to say to help me out a little?

I def don't think that if they are old enough to ask then they are old enough to know. my 5 yo son asked me a dew weeks ago. Everyone on their own level. She literally doesn't know anything. When she asked where babies come form, she said "do they come in through the mouth?" I am proud that she doesn't know anything but I obviously know that I need to tell her and that I need to be the one to tell her, I just need a little help with the content. can anyone give me an example of what you told your daughters?

Tablepoetry

Wed, Aug 26 2015, 6:37 am

iriska_meller wrote:

"No honey they come from a special opening women have, that is called a vag!na"
"Where is it mommy?"
"It is right next to the opening you pee with"
Makes sense?

Perfect, even for a three year old.

Make it natural and they wont make a big fuss about it.