How much does wedding cost boys side?

amother

Linen

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 11:13 pm

amother wrote:

My DH has a heimish friend who is marrying off his oldest daughter from 9 kids. He said it is costing him 90K (I thought the amount was staggering!!). He does well in his business and lives very comfortably without taking any programs and his wife is a SAHM.

Why would you think that? Except that you generalize and have preconceived notions and judge people when you call other judgemental?

Ahh so we have the....I know 1 wealthy heimeshe who's not on programs so that proves that all heimishe are not on programs. This logic is beyond flawed.

cnc

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 11:20 pm

amother wrote:

Ahh so we have the....I know 1 wealthy heimeshe who's not on programs so that proves that all heimishe are not on programs. This logic is beyond flawed.

You know some heimishe people on programs so...that proves that all are on programs.
Your logic is beyond flawed.

BTW, did I miss where it mentioned that the man making the chasuna(in the Op) is heimish?

mommy3b2c

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 11:24 pm

amother wrote:

Ahh so we have the....I know 1 wealthy heimeshe who's not on programs so that proves that all heimishe are not on programs. This logic is beyond flawed.

Your post is hilarious.

Hmm let's see. She knows one heimish person NOT on programs, and that is not proof of anything.

And you know...
One heimishe family that IS on programs and that is absolute indisputable proof...

cnc

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 11:32 pm

amother wrote:

I don't know for sure the family is chaddidish. However.... I'd guess 90% of families with 10+ kids are chassidish. I'd also imagine the overwhelming majority of chassidish families with 10 kids are on programs. Is this really such a strech?

Yes.
There are plenty of yeshivish people with large families and many of them (including some that I know personally) do not take government programs bshittah even though I would assume that they are definitely eligible for them based on income and family size.)

In any case I think it was a pretty far stretch to connect this to this post.

amother

Linen

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 12:44 am

cnc wrote:

Just curious, how do those families survive? I don't have the numbers in front of me, but a family obviously has to make a very low income to be eligible for programs. If they're not excepting programs from the city, they must be excepting handouts from somewhere otherwise how are they surviving?

cnc

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 12:59 am

amother wrote:

They have a very very low standard of living (at least compared to my standard...everything is relative I guess...).
The husbands learn in kollel and tutor. Some give shiurim..some work. The wives know how to stretch a dollar and find real bargains when shopping. (Side point I just looked it up out of curiosity...a family of 12 that has kids can make almost 8k a month in NY-although I'm not sure how far that gets you with that size family).

Their weddings don't cost anywhere near 50k...or even 30k.

AFAIK they're not accepting handouts from anyone. Some of them own houses that they bought years ago. (For a third or quarter of the market prices today- they prob got help with that though).

I give them lots of credit.

watergirl

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 6:43 am

Op, I dont think your coworker is complaining about the cost. I think he's bragging, but making it sound like a complaint. 50k is just absurd for someone to spend who honestly can't afford it.

But I will say that I find a few things in this thread to be very disturbing. To the amother who's brother is about to get married - while your parents finances are really none of your business, they've apparently decided that you should know what they are paying for this wedding. Over $11,000 for gifts for the girl ALONE? How is it that this is normal in some communities? The fact that girls get the amount of jewelry that most people aquire over 40 years of marriage is bizarre. We provide it for the girls because every other girl gets it, right? So this is just propogating a new generation of self entitled brats. Sorry. When I first got married, I was in the MO world for the most part. Boys paid for their own kallah jewelry, and the kallahs were thrilled with tiny diamonds, pearls (not out of style even now in all groups, as it comes from Eishes chayil and theres a "reason" to give pearls), and maybe a bracelet. Some parents helped a bit, but no where close ttto 11k.

If someone has the money and wants to spend it, go for it. But look at what happens. My husbands ex wife "complained" that her new husband's daughter got married, and their share of the expences was over 40k. She claimed it was all very basic, in a hall in Williamsberg, all standard stuff. Till I saw the pictures. The kallah was a kid (turned 18 a few months later). Covered in diamonds. There were custom made monographed shot glasses at the tish for goodness sake.

Often the cost of a wedding includes setting the couple up in an apartment. Again, this imo is nuts. All of my crowd furnished their homes with hand me downs for free. Kitchen things were wedding gifts. Same for linens. I know that not all circles do this - but when you have limited recourses, who can afford it otherwise? I really feel that this is not an appropriate way to live. Were spending too much money.

amother

Maroon

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 7:30 am

Of course there are so many different variables that can cause The wedding cost even 20k more or less --ex. My inlaws don't pay for my gown/makeup at sis in law wedd!!they also didn't get me a machzor or jewelry or liechter(although I think they got my other sis in law one which makes me feel unimportant)
. Also to those who said u just make a kiddish for the aufruf, well what about for the guests who come, with big families there are a lot of relatives so u have to provide meals too!!
. the person who said family with 10 kids is always chasidish!! U are so wrong!!most of my family hav large families and are not chasidish!!
. also one needs to make very very little here in NYC to be eligible for programs and I don't know how these families manage but I know that there are some parents who have 12 kids or...and mak decent salaries but are "poor" because after paying tuition and rent/mort food toiletries ...there is no money left for clothes other expenses so posters should not assume that all these ppl are on programs or are rich!!again I don't know how they survive --I grew up "poor" but at least tuition and mortgage was paid but .....
. I hear ppl. Talking all the time that they bought tho and that and paid this for the wedding and ....BUT MOST PPL DONT TELL U WHERE THEY GET THE MONEY FOR IT!! Wen I know the secret.....but
. to the op, its very very easy for the spending to get out of control hen 20k more as one can see the wide range of prices posted

ra_mom

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 7:33 am

cnc wrote:

A family of 12 can make a lot more than $8k a year to be eligible for government funded programs.
Maybe you're referring to welfare where actual cash is provided?
There are many other programs like SNAP/foodstamps, section 8/hud, vouchers, medicaid and the income level for a family of 12 is higher than $8k ($8k wouldn't even cover most apartment rentals for a 12 person family, in almost any state, forget about food or tuition)...
There should be charts online listing the different eligibility levels for each specific program.
Just thought I'd put that out there.

amother

Emerald

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 7:38 am

ROFL wrote:

Emerald amother. 12 K for afruf? What are you eating ? Is everyone getting a 30 ounces steak? How come so much money for a Shabbat kiddish and possible lunch ?

it may be less.

it is in a tent. 3 full meals plus kiddush and neighborhood is invited to shalosh seudos also
party planner. waiters. table and chair rentals. we r mostly cooking ourself....buying just cakes and cookies and other random things....our family is big though. over 100 ppl alone just from family for meals.

amother

Powderblue

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 7:54 am

This thread is getting to me a little, particularly about the gifts.

What we've established as "the norm" to give to the girl: ring, bracelet, pearls/other necklace, earrings, leichters, machzor/siddur. (Am I missing something?)

This can easily add up to over 10k. Throw in the fact that the average family is struggling with funding the daily demands and I think we need to ask ourselves- why is this the norm??? How can we change this?

cnc

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 8:12 am

ra_mom wrote:

I wrote 8k a MONTH .

That was for Medicaid in NY specifically...you can probably make even more to get eligible for SNAP.

Last edited by cnc on Thu, Jun 30 2016, 8:13 am; edited 1 time in total