VENT. Why don't parents take care of their children?

LittleDucky

Wed, Jul 13 2016, 10:31 pm

amother wrote:

You are very naive about CPS. They might not immediately take kids away, but it can lead there. Don't call CPS unless you really think this warrants the kids being put in foster care.

Signed - a family member of someone who had CPS be called on her falsely on her and it ruined her life. Google it, find millions of cases of CPS overreach and ruined lives, and get educated.

While I don't work at CPS itself I do know many who work there and I have worked with them IRL. Should have gone Anon for this but I have worked at places where CPS was called on the clients. I know what they do. Trust me- I am not naive in the least.
They do take some kids out of the home, but unless there were clear and present dangers to the kids, they usually give psychoeducation, services, therapy etc and work to try to keep the kids at home.

Yes, sometimes there are clear cases of overreach but would you rather the kids be permanently injured/CV dead or make the parents FOLLOW BASIC common sense and safety practices? Get classes, help and support? I am not a fan of CPS (I could go on rants but it's Off topic) but they are there for a reason.

And I know cases where they were falsely accused and the case was closed, nothing happened and no mandatory classes even. (X spouse complained over nonsense...). If there is a lack of evidence, there is a lack of evidence.

LittleDucky

Wed, Jul 13 2016, 10:34 pm

amother wrote:

I would call the police. Much more immediate and effective.

It also scares the kids good if they are part of the problem. If my kids pull off their seatbelts, I warn them that I will call the police and have them explain why they have to wear them.

CPS is IMO overkill for this type of issue, unless you are sure it falls into a pattern of neglect and/or abuse. Better just let the father and the kids understand how serious it is... and a $100+ ticket and getting yelled at by an authority figure is generally a pretty good motivator.

Cops will file a report with CPS FYI. I know someone who had their kids in the car without seat belts and next thing he knew, CPS and he had parenting classes once a week for a year. Then case closed.

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 9:45 am

Ruchel wrote:

Ha, the american cps callers... ew

One would hope that a private conversation with the parents would convince them, but that is sometimes easier said than done. Calling the police is probably more appropriate than CPS if a safety situation needs to be addressed within minutes rather than days.

How would you approach a life-threatening safety situation in France, Ruchel?

groisamomma

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 9:54 am

Overkill, and I have plenty of experience with CPS. I'm with Rubber Ducky, they aren't always bad. However, why wouldn't you warn the guy first that his irresponsible behavior can lead to you calling CPS? Because CPS can be called anonymously and threatening him to his face is uncomfortable. Don't be a coward at his expense.

Edited to fix spelling mistakes

Last edited by groisamomma on Thu, Jul 14 2016, 11:03 am; edited 2 times in total

HonesttoGod

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 10:04 am

This is the most annoying thing for me.
I literally say to my husband "those people should be in an accident so they learn their lesson".
I wish I could say they are just uneducated but they are not. They are just stupid. They think that it takes too much time, or it's not necessary, or it is "just a short trip they are fine".

My husband has once or twice taken my kids in his work van, strapped in but no car seats and I swear my heart explodes.

IT IS SO DANGEROUS!! If you see anyone doing this SAY SOMETHING! And not just "it is dangerous" but "I hope you know that the kids should be in age appropriate child restraints. I can help you figure out which ones to get for each child but I am sure you know. It is not a joke"
OR "I have taken down your license plate and will be calling the police on you".

Yes. POlice. CPS. Who cares. It is a lesson to NOT DO SOMETHING SO STUPID!

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 10:15 am

Ahuvah2 wrote:

I'm shocked that people have no problem calling CPS, Police without consulting a Rav. Not even one poster brought it up. Shame on you.

Not everything needs the stamp of a rav. Some things just take common sense to do.

Ahuvah2

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 10:20 am

Why don't you just walk off with the kids. This is also common sense to do, otherwise the kids can get harmed. You don't want to get in trouble, but you have no problem causing trouble to others based on your judgment. In addition, calling CPS, cops without consulting a Rav might cause you trouble in the world to come.

amother

Oak

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 10:25 am

HonesttoGod wrote:

This is the most annoying thing for me.
I literally say to my husband "those people should be in an accident so they learn their lesson".

With the exact same energy you could wish for them to be safe instead of wishing for them to be in an accident. Which makes it obvious that it's not exactly pure-hearted concern for their welfare that has you all red in the face. Stop with all the self-righteous indignation, people. Groisamomma is absolutely right. Calling CPS isn't better for the family or the child but it is so much easier for the bystander. If you really care for someone's safety there are better ways of communicating that make it more likely that they will feel your concern and hear what you have to say.

amother

Seashell

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 11:16 am

Ahuvah2 wrote:

I'm shocked that people have no problem calling CPS, Police without consulting a Rav. Not even one poster brought it up. Shame on you.

I'm shocked you WOULDN'T call CPS in a heartbeat if kids were in danger. Shame on you.

Clarissa

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 11:20 am

Ahuvah2 wrote:

I'm shocked that people have no problem calling CPS, Police without consulting a Rav. Not even one poster brought it up. Shame on you.

What on earth does a rav have to do with this?

Shame on you for that "shame on you." That tone is not how one makes a suggestion, whether a good or bad one.

I'd say something to the parents. And if they respond like that dad, I'd consider reporting them. That's incredibly dangerous.

A seat belt saved my life.

amother

Brunette

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 11:22 am

cm wrote:

The OP said she tried speaking to the father and he just brushed off any concern.
I wonder how many other life threatening activities/situations are happening if they can't even be bothered to buckle the kids in. Do they have an unlocked pool too?

LittleDucky

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 11:26 am

amother wrote:

We don't daven for outright miracles. And never getting into ANY fender bender is one. (Tiny fender bender with projectile children and car seat... If they don't fly through the windshield they will hit each other and still be injured...).
Especially in the congested major cities we tend to congregate in...major miracle.

amother

Seashell

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 11:26 am

amother wrote:

With the exact same energy you could wish for them to be safe instead of wishing for them to be in an accident. Which makes it obvious that it's not exactly pure-hearted concern for their welfare that has you all red in the face. Stop with all the self-righteous indignation, people. Groisamomma is absolutely right. Calling CPS isn't better for the family or the child but it is so much easier for the bystander. If you really care for someone's safety there are better ways of communicating that make it more likely that they will feel your concern and hear what you have to say.

Oh, but many times it is.

CPS isn't a cruel child-snatching conspiracy. There is a severe shortage of suitable foster homes anyway, so they will do what they can to enable the children to stay with their parents. They will mandate parenting classes and perhaps counseling for parents, and monitor progress.

Most of the time, when children are taken away, it is because they were in danger at home. Do you really think it is better for children to be beaten and perhaps land up dead the one time their father's rage made him give a too-hard blow to the head or throw him down the stairs to the concrete floor below?

amother

Amber

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 11:39 am

MY friend had CPS Called after a PA in a community hospital called the police for an injury.
Dr in Major hospital that they had to go to to have the issue fixed (community hospital wasn't equipped to deal with it) said it was a common injury not associated with abuse. Specialist they had to see straight from hospital said it was not abuse.
Police showed up at the home when the parents were in the hospital. Children could not be returned to parents care (A grown up neighbor was in the home). Grandparents had to drive in from out of state that night to take over the household or children would have been removed. This was after 2 specialist vouched it was a normal child hood injury.
Don't tell me they don't overstep bounds.
It took many hours, heartache and legal fees to clear it up. One parent wasn't able to work during that time because she works with children.

(Look at the story in MD where the parent's chose to let their children walk home from the park and police got involved, brought kids down to the station and didn't even call the parents to tell them were they were).

sourstix

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 11:49 am

Some people put everything on rabbonim. Like they will save you if u get into an accident because you didn't put your child in a proper restraint. Rabbonim are humans. You need to use your common sense and responsibility as a parent. And if a parent doesn't have basic responsibility then yes police need to be called. If that's what it takes to make you understand the s verity of the problem. I'm not saying don't tell them something before. Definitely. But I can see how most people would not appreciate being told this stuff. All the only option is calling police.

LittleDucky

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 12:07 pm

amother wrote:

SNIP

(Look at the story in MD where the parent's chose to let their children walk home from the park and police got involved, brought kids down to the station and didn't even call the parents to tell them were they were).

can't you tell the difference between gross overreach and where the kid is in clear and present danger BY their parent?