Name and identity you use at (non Jewish) workplace

amother

Yellow

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 2:49 pm

I work part time in a super Waspy accounting firm (both employees and clients. I'm the only non Wasp employee.) Recently they were setting me up with my own email account. I didn't think the firm would appreciate my unfamiliar name which most non-Jews can't pronounce so I told them to set me up as "Julie"

To my surprise the owner called me in and said "I'm an equal opportunity employer. There was no reason for you not to use your real name"

This got me thinking "In general ,am I making too much effort to fit in? Should I really go by my Jewish name no matter how hard it is for people to say? And what about the related issues? Should I admit knowing very little about the perennial office topics: (movies ,proms and exotic vacations)and that my kids have no internet access ?"etc.

amother

Slateblue

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 2:56 pm

I work in an office about an hour outside of Lakewood and surprisingly very few people have every met a religious jew. So they nothing about Kosher, Shabbos, for sure not shaking hands.
But I find they have a lot of respect for me for being me, for example they try not to curse in front of me, even though I've never said anything, and if they slip the apologize.
I use a very Jewish name, but most people have never heard of it before - they don't even know if I'm male or female before meeting me for the first time. But in todays day and age its "cool" to be different. There are so many nationalities working in the office. Many with "exotic" names.

In terms of entertainment I'm not familiar with I just play dumb. If they ask if I've seen it I say no, don't explain why not. If its in conversation I just nod along and don't say anything.

amother

Linen

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 2:57 pm

This is a great topic! I use my Jewish name. My last name can choke a horse so there is sometimes conversation generated by it.

I've worked my adult life for private and public concerns that take anti discrimination laws seriously. For me it meant that I didn't have to go into an overt justification for asking for flex times to cover Fridays in the winter or holidays. My position is typically stand alone so that others at my place of work aren't impacted by my absences.

tryinghard

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 3:10 pm

I have gone back and forth on this issue, as my name is Sara Leah - not too complicated or hard to pronounce, but inevitably it becomes a discussion. Sometimes, for simplicity's sake, I just say "Sarah", but often (as was the case with my most recent job) I just used my English/legal name, which is a completely different name. It was gonna complicate things more, having different names for different things, because my paychecks would have to say me legal name so I just opted to have my work identity separate from my home identity. I actually liked that separation, because sometimes I found it overwhelming to be completely immersed in this world completely removed from my "real life", so having them calling me by my English name kind of anchored me in this, "ok, this is work" mindset that allowed me to compartmentalize better. I was very open about my lifestyle and people were very respectful, but I just preferred that degree of separation. Not sure if I am making sense or just rambling Smile

Last edited by tryinghard on Thu, Jul 14 2016, 7:31 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 3:10 pm

Although my colleagues are heimishe, the clients and vendors I work with are not. My Jewish name as a 'ch' in it, so I use an English 'alias' for both my email address and all interactions. It makes things easier for me in a way as well when they are so very thrilled with my service and want to give me a 'telephone hug'. My colleagues do call me by my Jewish name but are aware of the alias and will use it when referring to me in their conversations with clients.

amother

Slateblue

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 3:22 pm

Personally I HATE my given english name, and only answer to it in the Dr office when waiting to be called. It is really weird, I think my parent's made it up and have yet to meet another person with the same name. (Except recently a dr told me my name is a real WASPY name from 60 years ago.). I'd rather just use my hebrew name I'm used to, its just as weird.

It does make it very confusing for Human resource as they have my name down one name but everyone calls me something else. When I get awards they'll always clarify first which name to etch on.

But I've seen people from other nationalities with the same issues.

amother wrote:

My DH deals with a heimishe company that service both Jewish and non Jewish clients. He always thinks its a cute when a women with a Heimishe accent answers the phone and says "Hi this is Stephanie". He says the difference between voice and name is huge. (I hope I'm not making you feel bad, he knows why they do it)

amother

Azure

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 3:26 pm

amother wrote:

I do the same. Michal becomes Michelle

amother

Saddlebrown

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 3:29 pm

My name is Rochel but if go by Rochelle at work- simply because otherwise no one can pronounce it.
Regarding movies, etc. I either just nod along or say I don't know- don't go into too much detail. But I do sometimes share stuff about religious life (nothing too personal), and I find that my lifestyle was always respected. Beside, I already look different anyway... Very Happy

trixx

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 3:34 pm

amother wrote:

OT but now I'm so curious what your name is!!

groisamomma

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 5:23 pm

Most non-Jewish people never heard my name but once they master the pronunciation they're fine. (Surprisingly very common name by Jews.) Most of my colleagues know I don't watch TV but I can always Google the topic if I must know what they're talking about. If they reference a particular character or movie they'll explain real quick if I haven't watched it.
They all know I'm frum, and they come collect the treif food I get as gifts from my students so they can take them home and enjoy them. Oh, and by now they have Pesach all down pat, they come ask me to whom I'm selling my bag of goodies and who owns my classroom with all the candy over Pesach.

amother

Blonde

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 6:22 pm

I did the same as the previous posters. I worked with Jews and I was 'me' but my actual job had me mostly on the phone and I often used a different last name so nobody would know I was Jewish. My first name is pretty neutral. I was very careful to hide it because it made a huge difference. People would go on these anti-semitic rants on the phone and I would be very uncomfortable because they had no idea. The few times somebody found out it was very uncomfortable. I happen to be from out of town; from a Southern city and don't have a 'Jewish' accent so I could get away with it. There were a lot of other Jews in my field who were also 'hiding'.

amother

Fuchsia

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 8:26 pm

I grew up using my English name except in Hebrew classes, so I don't have a disconnect. My brothers always used their Hebrew names and they hated having legal names that were different albeit similar (ie Yaakov vs Jacob). It annoyed them whenever they had to fill out forms, at doctors offices, taking standardized tests, etc.

DH and I decided that there is no need to give English names to our children. Most Hebrew/Yiddish names can be pronounced by anyone with a little coaching. Why should we not be as proud of our heritage as anyone else out there with "ethnic" names?

tryinghard

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 8:31 pm

amother wrote:

DH and I decided that there is no need to give English names to our children. Most Hebrew/Yiddish names can be pronounced by anyone with a little coaching. Why should we not be as proud of our heritage as anyone else out there with "ethnic" names?

Because I hate my English name (less so than as a kid, but I'm still not thrilled), I feel this way as well, to a certain extent. I think I would think twice before utting something like "Yocheved" on a birth certificate, but my DD is Tehila in both Hebrew and English, which usually gets a "how do you say that?" followed by "That's so beautiful!".

imeinu

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 8:47 pm

interesting discussion.
my name is the same in English or Hebrew so I have no issue personally, however my employees all use their given jewish names.
I deal all the time with lakeishas, chantelles, pashels and masoukas. They are not ashamed or bothered that their names may be hard to pronounce, or seem strange, so why should my employees be any different Very Happy

HonesttoGod

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 9:08 pm

My boss has an English name and 90% of his work relationships, employees, clients etc all use his ENglish name. OCassionally friends/clients will use his Jewish one and I have on occassion but rarely.

Personally I don't change my name for anyone. It isn't an easy to pronounce name but it is short and I really don't care how you say it. Whether it is right or wrong. My whole life I have been called this name and I won't change it. I have coworkers called interesting names as they are from all over and they don;t change so why should I.

INterestingly enough one of the good things said about the Jewish people in MItzrayim is that they didn't change their names. Why are we embarrassed?

melalyse

Thu, Jul 14 2016, 9:18 pm

amother wrote:

This is exactly why I told my husband that I didn't want to give my kids secular names on their Birth Certificates, I go by my Secular name, but my 2 sisters and my husband use their Hebrew names but have secular names on their Birth Certificates. I have seen them all have so many annoying issues because of it.