WWYD woman in supermarket rude about DDs tantrum

FranticFrummie

Sun, Jul 31 2016, 9:20 am

eachdaysagift wrote:

The entitlement! Raising a child is not easy but it was your decision have this small human and now it is your responsibility to care for it. Our inability to parent or inability to leave a particularly difficult child at home does not mean everyone around us must suffer. A grocery store is not the place for screaming, tantruming children. You as the Mom, who chose to have this kid, are the one responsible for their innapropriate behavior bothering other people. Why is 45 minutes of your time worth more than the 10 minutes multiplied by every person enduring your child's ear piercing screams? Remove the child, use whatever chinuch tactics you choose in a place not interfering with others and redo your shopping later. If you know that the child can't yet behave in a store or other public place, don't take them. Call your local chessed organization if you don't have a husband who can help or money to pay a babysitter.

Wow, harsh! You realize, you've just cursed yourself to have kids that scream non stop the moment you step into any public space, right? Karma... Twisted Evil

mommy3b2c

Sun, Jul 31 2016, 9:33 am

eachdaysagift wrote:

Funny. Your post reeks of entitlement to me. I can't even fathom the selfishness of a human being that feels that a busy mom (or any human being) should be forced to let 45 minutes of shopping go in the garbage, so that you can have 5-10 minutes of silence while waiting on line in a grocery store.

amother

Tan

Sun, Jul 31 2016, 1:13 pm

Op if this was the first time it happened fine. But if you Know in advanced that your child
Has tantrums then it's extremely selfish of you
To take your child shopping with you. Neither have your husband go or do phone orders or delivery or go at night when your husband is home and kids are sleeping.

But to say this is the way I am mechanech my child and everyone else has to suffer is so selfish. As mothers our child is 100 percent our responsibility and we have to bend over backwards to try and not inconvenience others. If it happens after careful planning that it shouldn't then its understandable but to not care about others that's selfish.

Did you go when your child was tired and you knew this might happen? As mothers we should try to prevent these things from happening.

For example if it's good time for you but you
Know your child is overtired and you go anyways that's 100 percent wrong and selfish.

debsey

Sun, Jul 31 2016, 2:46 pm

eachdaysagift wrote:

Do you have kids? Having raised 8, I can tell you that kids can be unpredictable. You can have your daughter in the greatest little mood, looking and acting like a little doll, and you bring her to the store, everything is going great, when she suddenly starts tantruming for some ridiculous nosh. Giving in means you are eventually going to be raising a super-spoiled little princess, whose entitled behavior will spawn numerous threads on imamother, and "experts" like you will talk about how her mother should have raised her more firmly.

OR, you don't give in. You talk calmly and firmly with the child. You apologize if people around are getting annoyed, finish shopping as quickly as possible, and that's the end of the story.

Kids are unpredictable. They cry. They yell. They make all sorts of smells and sounds. Does that mean we should cloister them till they are 25?

The Happy Wife

Sun, Jul 31 2016, 3:09 pm

amother wrote:

Going shopping with a child who might tantrum is rarely a selfish choice. Who would willingly put themselves in that situation? If you are almost out of groceries and you have to go and you don't have the option of going any time you feel like it, or don't have the option of delivery or having your spouse watch the kids. I don't know anyone who would prefer to go with a child who might tantrum when they have the option not to.

Sometimes it's just a necessity and you hope for the best.

And handle the situation the way you feel is best. And ignore the critics.

cheese cake

Sun, Jul 31 2016, 3:09 pm

eachdaysagift wrote:

Right. Like I'm gonna call a chesed organization or even pay a babysitter every time I need to get something from the grocery Rolling Eyes

While I understand it might be annoying to some people let's not get hysterical here. It's a grocery for heavens! Not a spa or any place you go to relax. Finish your shopping & next time bring along earplugs

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Jul 31 2016, 3:20 pm

If anyone is entitled, it's the person who expects their grocery shopping experience to rival dinner at Alinea. There are definitely places small children don't belong: upscale restaurants, the opera, bars, simchas where the hosts have specified no children. The grocery is not one of those places. Activities necessary for daily living are going to include children and sometimes those children are going make noise. That's life. If you don't want to encounter screaming children, don't frequent family establishments.

MitzadSheini

Sun, Jul 31 2016, 5:12 pm

About being proactive for next time-

I say following with the proviso that I'm not a great parent and most of what I do is pretty ineffective and I have made many mistakes. Take the following with a generous handful of salt.

I have dealt with the supermarket situation by explaining to the kids from an early age how the people who own the supermarket are trying to take as much of our money as they can, and that we need to try to only buy the things that we really need, not the things that they are trying to push on us. You do this before you get to the store, and also whilst there. "look at how we have to walk all the way to the back to get milk and bread. The people who own the supermarket are making sure we walk past lots and lots of things so that maybe we will buy some of them, and then they get more of our money. And if everyone in the shop does this, they will get ALOT more money! Look at how they put the chocolate right at the counter. Some children don't know that they do this to make the children cry so the parents will buy it for them. Then they will have even more of our money. Let's not get tricked by those supermarket people... ". And I'm standing online saying....look we are not getting tricked. See that boy who is screaming over there? He has been tricked by the supermarket man. That's sad....

But I must add that I now have slightly older children who still have problems with emotional regulation (ok I have at least one and possibly 3 kids with ASD), and I sometimes wonder whether if I could have had a few supermarket tantrums that I didn't give into it may have helped them in the long run to self-regulate? Who knows.

SRS

Mon, Aug 01 2016, 12:22 am

eachdaysagift wrote:

For generations people have taken children places and included them in their daily lives. They haven't shnorred from chessed organizations or hired babysitters to be able to perform the basic activities of daily living. Grocery shopping and other simple daily errands are activities of daily living. It is to the benefit of the child to be a part of these activities (and therefore a long term benefit to society). A parent that includes their child in regular activities and has a child that has the occasional meltdown as all children do (not addressing those who have children that have regular and predictable meltdowns because of special needs) should not be made to feel like an unable or inadequate parent because their child, here or there, does not make it through the grocery in one piece. Kids don't always make it through in one piece, but repeating the activity, rather than running away from it, will ensure that a child develops that tolerance for the unpleasant and self-control despite the sensory and will develop into a functioning member of society. The 2-5 year old might have a breakdown. The 7-10 year old can pout.

Yes, others will need to wait a few moments for that parent to quickly go through the checkout while trying to do what is best, not expedient, so that they can get to their car outside. A parent that is realizes that their children's occasional tantrum is unpleasant should be pleasant to those around her, but does not need to feel guilty.

mommyla

Mon, Aug 01 2016, 9:43 pm

QueenBee3 wrote:

Supermarkets= noise, babies crying tantruming etc. Beeping noises from the register. Frequented by moms with children.

This also applies to pizzarias too.

Its hard to believe that people expect quiet and order in these places.

My 3 year old many years ago had a melt down in Barnes and Nobles. Did not give in and he never tantrumed again. OP, keep on Keeping on.

Now Barnes & Noble is a place where most people expect quiet. It's generally a quiet store, even in the kids' section. I wouldn't let a kid tantrum in a bookstore; take him outside and let him tantrum there.

Skippy, that video is perfect! I once sat next to "that guy" on a plane with my own "that kid" - she was getting bored and restless and uninterested in the million toys and movies that we had, and this was in middle of turbulence so we couldn't get up, and the man next to us turned his iPad to her and just started entertaining her with the camera app. When she calmed down (and I thanked him profusely) he smiled and said that he remembered those days of flying with his toddlers. What a great guy!