It's soo hard right now :-(

amother

Seafoam

Thu, Sep 29 2016, 7:45 am

I'm having such a hard time right now, I really need to vent somewhere. Thanks to anyone who reads this for taking time out of your day to "listen" to my vent. Heart

It's sooo hard for us financially right now. We have no money. Actually, we have less than no money, as we have $20k+ in debt, largely from medical bills. We are paying somewhere around $800 a month for the debt, and most of that is interest, so we're not really getting anywhere in paying it down. We try so hard, but it seems like there are always expenses that pop up. We have cut down the budget everywhere we possibly can.
We've eaten pasta every night this week, and the kids are tired of it, but pasta is what we are eating for Rosh Hashana too, because there just isn't any money for anything else.
Our bc didn't work and I am currently pregnant again, and I have no money for maternity clothes which I desperately need, not to mention can't seem to get insurance and have no money to see a doctor (because I feel very strongly about not wanting negativity surrounding this baby, I want to add that while we weren't planning to be pregnant right now, I'm happy for this new little life and I know that he/she is a blessing from Hashem. Heart

)
My child in kindergarten keeps getting invitations to birthday parties for kids from school, but I'm embarrassed to accept them because I don't have any money to get presents, or to pay for the admission to the play areas where the parties are being held. We just moved to a new town and don't know anyone, and I'm afraid how it's going to look when we are the only family from school not attending the parties but I don't know what else to do because we just can't afford it.

We moved because my husband got a great job offer here, and has good prospects of eventually making more money (where we were living there was no chance of advancement in his job), so hopefully it will eventually get easier, please Hashem. Just right now though it is so very hard. I just need some reassurance that it'll be ok, and that this won't last forever.

We became frum later in life, and my parents and siblings were very upset and they just recently disowned me. They aren't talking to me at all right now, and have blocked me on social media as well. It's a complicated situation, and it's hard that they waited so long and then did this now, right before RH too.

So I'm an emotional, hormonal mess right now. I could really use some chizuk, please. Remind me that it's all going to be ok. Smile

watergirl

Thu, Sep 29 2016, 8:56 am

amother wrote:

I'm having such a hard time right now, I really need to vent somewhere. Thanks to anyone who reads this for taking time out of your day to "listen" to my vent. Heart

)
My child in kindergarten keeps getting invitations to birthday parties for kids from school, but I'm embarrassed to accept them because I don't have any money to get presents, or to pay for the admission to the play areas where the parties are being held. We just moved to a new town and don't know anyone, and I'm afraid how it's going to look when we are the only family from school not attending the parties but I don't know what else to do because we just can't afford it.

We moved because my husband got a great job offer here, and has good prospects of eventually making more money (where we were living there was no chance of advancement in his job), so hopefully it will eventually get easier, please Hashem. Just right now though it is so very hard. I just need some reassurance that it'll be ok, and that this won't last forever.

It's also hard because we don't know anyone and we are all alone. We became frum later in life, and my parents and siblings were very upset when we left the church we had been attending previously and they just recently disowned me. They aren't talking to me at all right now, and have blocked me on social media as well. It's a complicated situation, and it's hard that they waited so long after we left and then did this now, right before RH too.

So I'm an emotional, hormonal mess right now. I could really use some chizuk, please. Remind me that it's all going to be ok.

I want to cry with you. Can we help with advice? Or would you just like to vent?

If you are in the states, you can get onto health insurance for free during the pregnancy. Would you like a resource to call for more information?

Since you are anon anyways, can you share a location? I am looking for more friends, maybe you live near me! Never know... sometimes when our family lets us down, a friend becomes family.

amother

Salmon

Thu, Sep 29 2016, 9:33 am

Wow, this very much sounds like us right now, except for us becoming pregnant would ease our situation b/c then I wouldn't be paying so much for health insurance and we'd actually have money for other things--but Hashem apparently has other ideas at the moment. We are also like 20K in debt and my husband is looking for a job, but his field is very dry right now and moving for us is very complicated. We are almost completely maxed out financially and my husband is frustrated at his job prospects. It's all very stressful. I can daven for you and you'll daven for me--may we both see yeshuos this year!

amother

Salmon

Thu, Sep 29 2016, 9:36 am

LittleDucky

Thu, Sep 29 2016, 11:21 am

Are you in the USA? Try to get on programs as a short term solution and then try to get yourself off as soon as you can so you don't get to the place that we read about here- people who aren't doing great but are afraid to make the leap and therefore never can get to a comfortable independent stage. (And are panicking when the government office mixes up paperwork and cancels your benefits).

But that's for later. Now get yourself on Medicaid. WIC. SNAP.
Use the benefits wisely so you can eat slightly better all month versus nicely for a few meals.

Look at your budget and try to find anything to cut or limit. See if your internet company can lower your rate. Try negotiating with debtors. Hospitals often have charity programs where you submit your information and then they can lower the amount you owe.

gold21

Thu, Sep 29 2016, 11:56 am

Where are you located?

There's Tomchei Shabbos, there are other drives as well that run before Yomim Tovim, that offer chicken, meat, etc.

There's Medicaid, as well as other options for pregnancy coverage.

There are gemachs for clothing, besides for which there are always lots of people looking to get rid of their maternity clothes (I have 3 huge boxes my neighbor gave me when I was recently pregnant, she was desperate to get rid of her stuff lol, so I took it even though I didn't necessarily need it).

There's food stamps

There's debt settlement programs if the debt is really crushing you

There are options!!! Good Luck.

animeme

Thu, Sep 29 2016, 12:01 pm

LittleDucky wrote:

Oh, and people host parties that have admission fees? Never heard of that... If someone hosts a party don't they usually cover admission fee for everyone?

Agreed. Did they tell you that you have to pay? I've always seen the hosts pay for everyone. Just arrive and say, "We're here for Chanie Schwartz's party", and they should let you right in. Also, as a kindergartener, have dc draw/color a nice card and put it in an envelope, and give that. Plenty of parents don't send gifts just because they don't get around to it or forget. Please send your child to the parties anyway. You may also meet people that way.

Hatzlachah with everything...

amother

Seafoam

Thu, Sep 29 2016, 2:11 pm

watergirl wrote:

Aw, thanks watergirl!
I'm open to anything, hugs, advice, encouragement, memes with inspirational quotes. LOL

amother

Seafoam

Thu, Sep 29 2016, 2:13 pm

animeme wrote:

I don't know why, but I got the idea that we would have to pay. I'll double check though, thanks.

I'm still nervous about the lack of presents. I get the feeling that around here arriving to a party without a present is taboo...

amother

Seafoam

Thu, Sep 29 2016, 2:16 pm

amother wrote:

Amein!
Sorry you're struggling too, I know it's not easy!

amother

Seafoam

Thu, Sep 29 2016, 2:18 pm

gold21 wrote:

I'm kind of nervous to look for gemachs and such, I don't want to be known as "the new people who are really poor". I don't know if that's pride, I just feel funny being new to the area and immediately starting in looking for the handouts, does that make sense?

amother

Chartreuse

Thu, Sep 29 2016, 2:41 pm

amother wrote:

I'd be horrified to think that someone didn't come to one of my kids' parties because they couldn't afford a gift.

Also, in general, the hosts cover the costs for the child's guests. But if parents want to bring other kids along, they'd have to pay for the other kids.

So my vote is to let the kids go.

amother

Green

Thu, Sep 29 2016, 2:59 pm

amother wrote:

Aw, thanks watergirl!
I'm open to anything, hugs, advice, encouragement, memes with inspirational quotes. LOL

I'd love to know more info about free insurance during pregnancy! I haven't been to a doctor yet and I really need to go.

I'm a little reluctant to share exactly where I am, I'm afraid that people will figure out who I am, and I don't want to be known as the crazy poor lady in a new area. I will say that I am in northern Nj though.

The thing with my family is really hard. Without a word, they suddenly blocked me on Instagram and won't answer when I try to contact them at all. I know it's because they're being influenced by that awful church they attend. The whole thing hurts.

Just sharing all this makes me feel better. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it all and it's nice to kind of get it all out. So thanks everyone for "listening". Smile

you dont need to share ur exact location.

the info u gave is enough Smile

since u live in the United States, I think u should really be able to get insurance.

maybe other posters can post how to go about that? otherwise ill post back later

imasinger

Thu, Sep 29 2016, 4:45 pm

That sounds so sad.

Re birthday parties. The host always pays the fee for the guests at the play places. And you can come up with a nice card (have DC make it), zehu.

Have you thought about getting on JerseyCare? It takes a while, so get the process started right away.

I totally get not wanting to be known as the new poor one in town, but that's misplaced pride/embarrassment.

Rather, you can reframe, "I'm in a hole right now and need to get some help, but soon, iy"H, I'll be able to pay it forward by helping someone else."

I have done this. And probably done more for others once I was able, because of the experience. So, it's really a double win.

Ask for the help you need. Take advantage of resources. Your rav may be able to steer you in some good directions.

If not for yourself, for the sake of the child you are carrying.

Hug

PS. I'll help be surrogate family, since yours shut you out. I bet others here will, too. PM me if you like.