Does name really affect child?

amother

Firebrick

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 3:41 pm

amother wrote:

My grandmother passed away last week. She was a real difficult person. I am due soon iyh and will probably give her name. I am a bit nervous. I know I have no choice though.

Of course you have a choice.

Your baby, your choice. If you don't want to name after someone, you don't have to. It's not a god given mandate to name after people you don't want to name after, despite popular opinion to the contrary.

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 4:16 pm

amother wrote:

If I give some random name I thought of instead it would be really weird. I have no other person to name after and I don't have a special name in mind. It's also within the shloshim so it would be even more weird. Of course I have a choice. But I have to do what makes sense as well.

essie14

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 4:22 pm

amother wrote:

What makes sense is "I carried this baby for 9 months. I get to decide her name"

cnc

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 4:24 pm

amother wrote:

My mother passed away at a young age after a battle with cancer. Also my personality clashed with hers through the years and I dont have all the best memories of her... but she was my mother...and she did have many good and nice traits.
When my daughter was born I was hesitent with giving her my mothers name.. I thought it better to maybe add a name... my husband asked the Gerrer Rebbe what we should do. The answer was that mazal of the deciced person doesnt follow on to the next generation named for them. I can use my mothers nane without adding a name

We gave my daughter my mothers name. (It also helped me that my mother wasnt called by her given name but I use that name for my daughter)
BH my daughter is the sweetest most gentle and thoughtful child. I am truly blessed by her BH

I was told that for a direct descendent (child or grandchild) it is not necessary to add a name if the person died young. Otherwise if the person died under age 60 a name is added.

All of my children are named after special people that went through the Holocaust. Two of my children are named after people that left no direct descendants.

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 4:45 pm

essie14 wrote:

What makes sense is "I carried this baby for 9 months. I get to decide her name"

I am blessed with the ability to be appreciative of those who raised me. If it would mean a lot to my mother to name after her mother that passed away very recently, of course I would do it. No second thoughts to that.

gold21

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 4:48 pm

amother wrote:

Totally hear that. All my kids are name-afters. But I think that I would add a second name if I were ever in this situation (I've never been). To each their own. B'shaah Tovah.

Last edited by gold21 on Sun, Jan 08 2017, 7:27 pm; edited 1 time in total

rgr

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 5:02 pm

amother wrote:

My grandmother passed away last week. She was a real difficult person. I am due soon iyh and will probably give her name. I am a bit nervous. I know I have no choice though.

How about Menachem or Nechama or the like..?

chicco

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 5:03 pm

I believe that to name means to define to some degree. I think we as parents have the special opportunity to help shape our child by naming them something that we hope for them. Either to be like someone we know or to have certain kochos. I think that names very much do affect people even if we don't see or understand how. There is a reason we have names other than to more easily identify one another, and we end up with specific names for a reason.

We learn from Adam Harishon what names are. Each animal passed before him and he named it based on his appreciation for that particular animal- he gave them all a definition. Furthermore, in tanach we see repeatedly how children were named based on their circumstances and what they meant to the parents, and we appreciate later how they grew to fulfill these "definitions."

I don't believe that a person is just his or her name, but I do believe that in some capacity, and in some cases more than others, a name definitely correlates to his or her owner.

I totally hear the fear of naming after someone you have reservations about. If you feel stuck, I think your intentions when you actually do the naming make all of the difference. Find another reason to name that name and focus on that. No one other than you needs to know your intentions.

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 5:07 pm

browser wrote:

A friend told me that they named after someone they did not really want to, but had in mind the original-biblical source. I've heard of that-that the name goes back to the source I.e., yaakov-Yaakov Avinu

That is a smart idea. Dh mentioned it as well.

ectomorph

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 5:16 pm

amother wrote:

I see so many people here asking questions about naming children.
There's a little girl in my family named after someone I knew as not a nice person (I'd rather not elaborate). As she's growing up, she's her parents' most challenging child. Defiant. Aggressive. Difficult. Her parents are wonderful people and have arranged different types of intervention for her at different stages. She still has difficulties socially (for obvious reasons), and gives her parents and siblings a hard time. The mother has mentioned well meaning individuals suggesting therapy as they don't know the child is already getting that.
Is there really a source for a child being influenced by the person they're named after?
I've heard people say different things about this. I've even heard people say boys are influenced by the person who holds them at the Bris.
Is there any real truth behind it?

for various reasons I named one of my children after someone I did not like in life. I think it was the right thing to do. I am sure that whatever issues we have are not because I did the right thing

amother

Indigo

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 5:45 pm

amother wrote:

Not a fair statement! In many families giving a family name, and often a specific one, is as expected as calling before rosh hashana to wish a good year. Sure, your life and you can do what you want, but why wouldn't you do it? A 'prettier' name is worth more to you than giving your parent or grandparent joy and honor? And in some cases you could really disappoint your parents, which is a hard thing to stomach when you have a simcha going on. It's REALLY not always easy to flounce and say 'my baby, my name!'

amother

Firebrick

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 5:48 pm

amother wrote:

It's not easy but it is your choice at the end of the day. I come from an enmeshed family within an enmeshed community which is exactly as you said. And I give the names DH and I want. It's our choice, not theirs. And if they don't like it, it's their problem they need to work on, not ours.

gold21

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 5:49 pm

amother wrote:

Who said anything about a prettier name?

amother

Indigo

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 6:02 pm

amother wrote:

I'm so sorry that your family and community are negative about it. That really must give naming a bad taste.
I named my kids after grandparents. The look on my grandfather's face the entire bris knowing his father's memory was being continued and that it was important to us was worth it. And my family are lovely people, I would never think 'deal with it' if my grandfather felt hurt 💔.
He calls a lot to check in with that son and feels a special connection to him. It gives him joy and it feels so good to us to know that we gave a little light to his life.

amother

Firebrick

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 6:20 pm

amother wrote:

Did I say anything about negative? No, I didn't. There are expectations, and I chose not to fulfill them.

You chose to. Great! I'm glad you made your choice. At the end of the day it is just that - a choice.

cnc

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 6:24 pm

amother wrote:

This has nothing to do with a pretty name.
I would not give a name if the person was an evil person or had serious issues.

amother

Indigo

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 7:01 pm

To answer OP's question, I don't believe in mazal in names intellectually, but I definitely feel emotionally more inclined to name my child after someone who had a good life and less inclined to name for someone who suffered all their life.

Also, one of my children has a name which coincidentally the other four people in my family who share have all different severe health issues. Sad

. Bez'h she will be the proof that names truly do not determine destiny.

amother

Indigo

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 7:02 pm

amother wrote:

Yeah, you did, you said they're enmeshed. That is a negative trait.

flowerpower

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 7:08 pm

Here is my take- it's really special to name after a parent or grandparent or even a great grandparent( if you knew them). No one has to tell you what to do since "you carried the baby for 9 months". But some things are nice and even a bit respectful. We as yidden are taught to honor our parents and this is a little part of if. If the person you may name after wasn't a respectful or kind person then ask a rav what to do.

Last edited by flowerpower on Sun, Jan 08 2017, 7:13 pm; edited 2 times in total