Frum magazines are attacking sheital weairing women?

iyar

Wed, Jan 18 2017, 1:20 pm

allthingsblue wrote:

I don't think they're attacking sheitel wearers, just promoting scarf wearers.
Btw in regard to the article in the Mishpacha, I could not understand one thing: why can't this woman differentiate between her wig, which she writes is long/glamorous/whatever, and a perfectly tsnius wig? she's jumping from extreme to extreme, when in reality she could choose to buy a more tsnius wig. Everyone knows deep down that some wigs are more tsnius than others. Why is she hiding from that fact and making the assumption that wearing a tichel is the only answer?

This.

Am I the only one who feels that there's a disturbing trend to excess in all things lately?
There were always differences in how women dressed in terms of tznius, but today it seems everyone feels a need to make a statement, either immodestly or modestly.

Years ago women who walked around with their hair uncovered didn't expose as much of their bodies as some sheitel clad women flaunt unashamedly walking down the street. And respected rebbetzins covered their hair with tasteful, neat sheitels. Most of them still do. The ones who feel the need for an extra level of tznius wear a hat or scarf on top of their sheitels.

The author of that mishpacha piece I think you're referencing won't be satisfied unless she can show off what a trendsetter she is. What she needs to realize is that all this emphasis on showing off her nonconformist appearance is in itself not modest at all. There's nothing wrong with dressing in a way that makes you feel comfortable or beautiful, within the guidelines of tznius. But obsessing about it and drawing attention to yourself is not the way to go. And following mesorah is always a safer bet than starting your own personal revolution.

Last edited by iyar on Wed, Jan 18 2017, 1:21 pm; edited 1 time in total

SixOfWands

Wed, Jan 18 2017, 1:20 pm

amother wrote:

I have found that a lot of sefardi women who are baalei teshuva are the ones pushing for no shaitels. They key is to be tznius. Everyone should have a rav to go by and if your rav says that a shaitel is fine there is no need to listen to a different rav. My friend was so anti shaitels. She had all types of hats and scarves as did many of her friends who were all sefardi baalei teshuva. It was nice that they tried so hard to do the right thing and be tzanua the way they were taught. Many years later this friend is wearing a shaitel - nothing custom or glamorous. She realized that very often hairs would stick out from her scarves and wearing a shaitel is more refined and tzanua. As with everything is life there is a middle ground. Very often baalei teshuva will go to an extreme.

Wearing a sheitel is not "more tzanua" or "more refined" than wearing a tichel. Or a hat. Or any other type of hair covering.

Wearing a tichel is not "more tzanua" or "more refined" than wearing a sheitel.

Stop judging. Live your own life. Peace out.

watergirl

Wed, Jan 18 2017, 2:16 pm

I think that its about time tichel wearers have a spotlight. It could have been done with out putting down wigs though. But I was lretty annoyed when there was an advice line where A mother of a girl was concerned because her daughter was about to start dating and said that she only wanted to wear tichels. I thought the replies were so off. I'm thrilled to see pro tichel stuff these days. All we see are ads for expencive sheitels! Its time people realize there is another awesome option! And it's also time that I've become more widely excepted in our communities.

ruchelbuckle

Wed, Jan 18 2017, 3:01 pm

amother wrote:

What horrified me was an ad on social media for free wig cutting to make your sheitel more "tznius" for the zechut of a sick woman.
How is no one standing up against this?

Not sure why this is so horrifying to you. I believe it's a fairly accepted practice for people to take on an extra stringency in some type of mitzvah to generate a "zechus" for someone else. People routinely "take on" specific goals/tasks in their spiritual lives. Examples that are common: being extra careful to refrain from Lashon Hara at a specific time of day, trying to daven mincha if you don't normally, lighting shabbos candles on time/early, etc...
Cutting a sheitel to make it more tznius could be appropriate for a specific person at a specific stage in her life.

If it's not something that you feel is appropriate for you, then no problem. I certainly hope you were not "guilted" or pressured into doing something that you don't feel is right for you.
But why is it so horrifying to you? And why should anyone stand up against it? What

PinkFridge

Wed, Jan 18 2017, 3:12 pm

yogabird wrote:

I just get a good laugh when I see the journal of a tichel wearer alongside ads for custom wigs and the diary of a family going paleo alongside recipes full of pareve whip, margarine and sugar.

Goes to show how sincere the magazines are about what they print.

Not.

I don't see it as a setira. These articles are not footnoted, with direct quotations from rabbanim. They're entertainment/food for thought.

It happens to be that some of the writers - editorialists, divrei Torah writers - I take very seriously. But while I might think about something that an article brings up, it's not really going to change my hashkafa. As far as the recipes, they'd like to be all things to all people.

PinkFridge

Wed, Jan 18 2017, 3:17 pm

amother wrote:

What horrified me was an ad on social media for free wig cutting to make your sheitel more "tznius" for the zechut of a sick woman.
How is no one standing up against this?

How would you feel about a campaign to take down hemlines as a zechus?
Back to the topic, there's more to eschewing a sheitel than wrapped tichels. There are pretieds, caps, berets...what about those?

cozyblanket

Wed, Jan 18 2017, 3:17 pm

amother wrote:

What horrified me was an ad on social media for free wig cutting to make your sheitel more "tznius" for the zechut of a sick woman.
How is no one standing up against this?

I agree with Rochelbuchle.

Cutting a shitel shorter isn't the right avodah for everyone, for sure.

And no one should feel they have to.

But in general, shorter sheitels are more tznius and then longer ones - of course, with exceptions.

Increased tznius brings bracha and can be a zechus, so if some people are ready to do that for a sick person, etc., what is wrong with that?

We should be standing up against lashon hara, sinas chinam, not some women wanting to be more tznius by wearing shorter sheitels.

cozyblanket

Wed, Jan 18 2017, 3:21 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

Totally, I love berets - I get ones that are big enough to cover all of my hair, with appliques etc... I wear them to work. I love not wearing a sheitel and tichels just don't work for me (I don't have the time to do all the steps needed to keep them well tied and secure on my head).

cnc

Wed, Jan 18 2017, 5:22 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

For me that would actually make more sense, because I don't think any rabbanim in my circles would have an issue with me sheitel length, OTOH- although my knees are always covered ewhen standing , chances are my skirts can use a bit of lengthening.

My point is, I don't know who came up with the idea of trimming sheitels, a better idea would be to suggest that each person work on whatever they specifically need to work on. It's not the same for all of us.

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Jan 18 2017, 5:51 pm

Something that struck me so funny about the family first article.

She wrote that on the one day that she put her wig back on, suddenly Mr. Klien, her neighbor, whose wife had put on a tichel recently, suddenly showed an interest in her shock

.

I have a wonderful solution to that issue......

TELL MR KLEIN'S WIFE TO PUT HER SHEITEL BACK ON!!!!!

Besides, there was hardly mention of these women's husbands, and something about this movement reminded me a little of the shawl wearers who put them on despite their husband's not wanting them to do so.

Notsobusy

Wed, Jan 18 2017, 6:45 pm

cnc wrote:

My point is, I don't know who came up with the idea of trimming sheitels, a better idea would be to suggest that each person work on whatever they specifically need to work on. It's not the same for all of us.

I don't understand the whole trimming sheitels/hair campaign. My dd's high school had a speaker who tried to convince them to cut one inch. I don't get it, if you're hair is too long, one inch isn't going to do anything, and if it's not too long then why cut it.

I was also very disturbed by the mishpacha article, especially the part about the neighbor's husband.

amother

Blonde

Wed, Jan 18 2017, 6:58 pm

glutenless wrote:

I didn't hear the speech but there is a young woman who was in high school with me who is fighting for her life. One teacher in my high school did ask ppl if u r able to to cut ur shaitel am inch or so as a zchus. I think it is a beautiful thing to do if u r able to.

cnc

Wed, Jan 18 2017, 7:01 pm

glutenless wrote:

I also thought the point about the neighbor's husband was borderline inappropriate to mention in this magazine but maybe I'm just old fashioned.

amother

Amethyst

Wed, Jan 18 2017, 7:01 pm

amother wrote:

I agree. As long as it's a step in the right direction, every little 'korban' counts, however small it may be.

Dandelion1

Wed, Jan 18 2017, 7:09 pm

This argument is unresolvable. There are countless ways to make oneself provocative, and it is hard to rule out specific items on the basis of this.

For example, loose fitting Bermuda shorts and bierkenstock sandals are certainly less provocative than skin tight pencil skirts and 4" heels.

So.... The skirt outfit is better? It's worse?

Sheitels are particularly in the line of fire because they are, by today's secular standards, an unnecessary addition to modesty, as uncovered hair is not considered by society to be immodest in any way. Unless of course one has flowing blond hair which cascades down their back in perfect highlighted beach curls. Which .05 of the population has naturally, vs. approximately 80% of the population of sheitel wearers in certain communities.

The bottom line is, people who are aiming for z-xy know it, as do those who are looking at them. It's not necessarily related to whether they've choose a scarf or a sheitel but whether they've chosen a modest look or not.

Notsobusy

Wed, Jan 18 2017, 7:45 pm

amother wrote:

I agree. As long as it's a step in the right direction, every little 'korban' counts, however small it may be.

I don't get it, if your sheitel was short enough before, then how is it a korban? If my skirt is 4 inches below my knee and my knees are ALWAYS covered, then is it more tznius if I buy a skirt that's 5 inches below my knee? Is it more tznius to wear a turtle neck shirt than a shirt that completely covers my neckline but doesn't come to my chin? I really don't think so.

cozyblanket

Wed, Jan 18 2017, 8:07 pm

glutenless wrote:

Every additional level of tznius is a zechus. Even if you were l'halacha beforehand, additional stringencies are a zechus for the choleh.

I am NOT saying everyone needs skirts 5" below the knee and turtlenecks, but it is a chumrah that can bring bracha if done the right way. If it is done for kavod or to look better or other wrong reasons, it will NOT bring bracha - of course.

Why do other people having chumros bother you?
I hate turtle necks, but I don't mind other ppl doing it.

amother

Lavender

Wed, Jan 18 2017, 8:10 pm

amother wrote:

I don't see the beauty in it. Trust me, no one is getting better because some women cut an inch off their sheitels. It's useless, and all it does is foster unhealthy obsession and guilt with tznius rules. I am not impressed.