Weight and sibling issues...

MagentaYenta

Wed, Feb 01 2017, 4:57 pm

lucky14 wrote:

OK I'm really confused. If this suddenly gets all extreme like this wont that be setting them up to sneak the sweet stuff outside of the house? (especially the one who's begging for it). What's wrong with either of them having like one or two junky things a day? And then the rest of the time eating healthy? Maybe don't keep tons of it in the house, but what's wrong with a few "treat" items in the house and everyone can have like one or two a day?

Eating healthy isn't extreme. It sounds like your kids have developed a taste for junk food so that's what they're used to. They can get used to healthy snacks too. If it's a matter of having shabbos desert, plan something low fat and sugar and in individual serving sizes. If they are into savories, try some spiced and roasted garbanzos or air popped popcorn with Braggs aminos and nutritional yeast . If they crave sweets, make some trail mix with dried fruits and nuts, buy them the fruit they will eat.

Teomima

Wed, Feb 01 2017, 5:46 pm

I can not agree more with what dimyona said. However, if your 10yo is sneaking extra treats, I think it's especially important to get the junk out of the house.

No offense, OP, but don't fool yourself into thinking those empty calories from junk food is what's going to help your underweight daughter (and yes, I'm speaking as a mother with a daughter whose weight has been below the 0 percentile her entire life. After tests and dieticians and everything, the conclusion was if she's thriving, don't worry about it. I certainly don't allow her extra treats just because she's small). And for those of you who made suggestions that the 12yo start sneaking and hoarding food? Seriously?? Way to start developing an extremely unhealthy relationship with food, especially during such a pivotal stage in a young woman's development!

Try to shift everyone's frame of mind. I allow my kids unlimited access to snacks, but don't keep any junk food in the house. But being able to freely take from the nuts, seeds, dry fruit, brown rice crackers, homemade popcorn, kale chips, etc, doesn't make them feel deprived (and they provide much healthier fats and calories for our skinny ones).

In a pinch, I hold by one of my favorite quotes: eat all the junk food you want, as long as you cook it yourself. (Michael Pollen)

lucky14

Thu, Feb 02 2017, 3:17 pm

MagentaYenta wrote:

But that's kind of my point. To them it prob is extreme since they haven't been doing this all their life. And then they go to school and the other kids prob have some snacks in their lunches. I seriously don't see what's wrong with having a little junk stuff once or twice a day. I agree no one NEEDS it and it's preferable not to have it, but if this is what they are used to and someone else (their mother) tells them "no more in the house" that may be hard for them. I'm just thinking back to when I was a kid and how I would have felt.
Unless you can get everyone all yippie la-da about it (which would be great if you can!) I think it's being kind of hard on them.

MagentaYenta

Thu, Feb 02 2017, 7:00 pm

lucky14 wrote:

Ok so as a kid you ate junk, as an adult you can't figure out how to change that so you keep feeding your own kids junk a couple of times a day. Why bother asking for solutions? You seem pretty entrenched in your feelings. You are willing to justify feeding your thinner DD junk, but have you ever read the ingredient labels on what she's eating?

lucky14

Fri, Feb 03 2017, 1:17 am

MagentaYenta wrote:

um... I'm not the OP. Unless you're talking about in theory if I were then that's what I'd be thinking/doing.

amother

Cyan

Fri, Feb 03 2017, 1:18 am

lucky14 wrote:

Junk a couple of times a day is not normal or healthy. (But very American)

A couple of times a week is more in the realm of normal.

maapse

Sat, Feb 04 2017, 3:37 pm

No one in my houseis over weight and junk is strictly forbidden besides for a couple of things over shabbos.
If I had to fatten up a child it would be with meat, potatoes, avocado, nuts, whole wheat bread, full fat cheese etc.
Why junk?!?! I cringe when my kids eat junk on shabbos but I bite my tongue because thats the only day they eat it and even then I dont allow food coloring and various other garbage.
I cant imagine letting kids of any shape or size eat junk during the week.

amother

Dodgerblue

Sat, Feb 04 2017, 10:44 pm

So your kids don't have any kind of desert in their school lunches? No candy or little cake or anything? Do the other kids in their schools? If the others do, do they care that they don't?

Someone wrote that it's not normal, but very American. I am in the US so for here it is "normal" (in fact for many families a lot more than one or two treaty things a day is the norm). So for the kids who don't get anything at all then they don't feel different and deprived at school?

btw I'm totally asking not attack anyone for their decisions. This is pure wondering (if that makes sense).

Snickers18

Sat, Feb 04 2017, 11:10 pm

amother wrote:

Nope. They have cut up fruits or veggies of their choice, whole grain sandwiches with natural peanut butter/cream cheese/deli slices and mustard/whatever, a crunchy snack like air popped popcorn with nutritional yeast, homemade granola w/yogurt, etc. They love it and have never asked us for junk. The few times they've been given junk, they brought it to us and asked what they're supposed to do with it. Occasionally, if we have leftover dessert from shabbat, I'll give them some after dinner on a weeknight, but they're just as happy having salted cashews, fruit, or whatever.

OP, there are so many really healthy things that are packed with fat that junk really is unnecessary and likely won't bring weight up for anyone struggling to gain weight. If your younger daughter doesn't find those things appetizing, then your problem is already partly solved.

amother

Sapphire

Sat, Feb 04 2017, 11:37 pm

Snickers18 wrote:

Pretty ironic screenname then.

Teomima

Sun, Feb 05 2017, 12:31 am

amother wrote:

Here in Israel there's actually a new Education Ministry ban on unhealthy foods in schools (including, but not limited to, sweets, sugary drinks, and fried foods like schnitzel). The enforcement varies from school to school, for example in my children's school they permit birthday cakes but no one is allowed to bring any junk in their lunchboxes.

amother

Violet

Sun, Feb 05 2017, 1:43 am

MagentaYenta wrote:

Yup get rid of the junk and the sugars that you use in cooking, I'm talking duck sauce, cranberry sauce and the jams etc. Your thin DD isn't going to starve, and everyone will be getting healthier food. Give up the pasta and potatoes for whole grains. Make some time for the whole family to exercise together as well.

You set an unhealthy precedent by keeping junk food and making it available. Now it's time for you to lead.

We don't use duck sauce, jams etc. I think they are gross. My 10 year old won't exercise unless we force her to. The 12 year old does it willingly. To clear her head or de-stress she does jumping jacks sometimes. Huge difference in kids. And we do try whole grains.

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Feb 05 2017, 2:01 am

When my kids were younger, I was super careful about no nosh in my house, just healthy treats. Until they stayed by a friend for a few days and she caught them eating up all the nosh in her pantry. They went crazy bec they never had much of it beforehand.
Then they got to school, where the teachers give out cans of soda on a regular basis (we never have soda in my home, only milk or water), give out lollies, jelly beans and more every day. It's hard for our kids to eat the healthy snacks I pack, when they get so much junk every day in school.

5*Mom

Sun, Feb 05 2017, 2:11 am

amother wrote:

My 10 year old won't exercise unless we force her to. The 12 year old does it willingly. To clear her head or de-stress she does jumping jacks sometimes. Huge difference in kids. And we do try whole grains.

Don't call it exercise. Play family freeze dance, take walks together, ride bikes, roller blades, scooter, skateboard, take gymnastics lessons, play catch, do zumba videos on youtube, get a trampoline... Find a fun activity that involves moving the body that they enjoy but don't suck the joy out of it by calling it exercise. A few jumping jacks is a good start but hardly enough physical movement in a day.

amother

Violet

Sun, Feb 05 2017, 2:27 am

I know that no one technically needs junk. Stop bashing about that. This is a sensitive issue as I have been trying to explain. My 12 year old KNOWS that we are doing this because of the 10 year old. She figured it out and even when I said "we are trying for a healthier family- it's for all of us" she wasn't convinced. Besides that she heard the ped say "she should have extra calories and eat a cookie or some snacks"-anything to gain a little weight.

It brings up resentment and jealousy and a ton of frustration. She is amazing about not telling anything to 10 year old about size, weight etc even when provoked in an argument and saying "at least I am not fat" would "end it" (for now) as she knows it won't help, is just hurtful and mean. Even if teased about looking so small. But it's hard for her.

My 12 year old likes the WW pasta (while others only like white). She eats her veggies, proteins, fruits etc. but would like a treat every once in a while. She has a fast metabolism and exercises and generally eats right. Eats slowly and stops when hungry.
I will not ask her to hide it. This includes only eating it at school. She is a member of the family and deserves her wants/needs to be met.
I do not want her to resent her sister even more.

amother

Violet

Sun, Feb 05 2017, 2:30 am

5*Mom wrote:

I have tried, she is getting better at it.
And the example of the 12 year old doing jumping jacks was just that- an example of how easily she moves as compared to her sister.

5*Mom

Sun, Feb 05 2017, 2:42 am

amother wrote:

I tried letting her have unhealthy snacks so her sister doesn't find out--- the 12 year old feels that she is having to sneak food. She feels awful about it- like she is doing something wrong. It goes back to my main point that I don't want her to get the unhealthy obsession about food. Thinking she needs to sneak around and hide food...

I think changing this perspective is where you should focus. It's not called sneaking around; it's called being kind and considerate. I have a 2 yr old who loves cheese and yogurt but she can't have dairy. Someone's always eating dairy around here, she's always asking for it and always being told no. She freaks out every. single. time. So I've asked the kids to eat their dairy in a particular spot in the kitchen where dd2 can't see them as a kindness to her.

Same thing with nosh, actually. Say I bake cookies or muffins with my little ones and everyone gets one. Later older sibs come home - one at a time, of course - and want their cookies or muffins. If dd2 sees them eating it, she will freak out for another one but she already had her share and can't understand that; to her it's cookie/muffin time again, 5 times a day. So I ask them to eat their cookie out of her sight as a kindness to her. Not because there's something wrong with eating dairy or cookies, but because it is kind and considerate not to tempt someone with something they can't or shouldn't have. Can you try to help her see it this way?