For those who make their daughter wear tights after age 3

amother

Jetblack

Wed, Feb 22 2017, 6:41 pm

I totally dont understand how any parent can force their 3 yr old to wear tights. I think its so unfair that the parent feels so holy that they are makpid on this and the child is the korbon! Tights are hot and uncomfortable...let kids be kids...I would never ever make my kid wear tights especially in the summer because it makes me feel/ look frummer. Op listen to your gut its so unfair to your child! Tell your husband to take upon himself chumros that effect him and not his 3 yr old.
Signed,
A yeshivish wife of a magid shiur Very Happy

amother

Orange

Wed, Feb 22 2017, 6:54 pm

You want to be machmir on yourself, yay for you. DH wants to be machmir on himself? Amazing. Do not take an innocent 3 year old (baby) and make her do something that is illogical, non halachic, and in my very humble opinion, moronic. Especially if she doesn't want to. Keep this up lady, and you'll be on ima mother 10 years from now wondering why your then 13 year old is going off the deep end.

Tiredwithjust2

Wed, Feb 22 2017, 7:25 pm

I didn't grow up wearing tights and I find them very uncomfortable. I stick to knee highs and knee socks whenever I can get away with it. My daughter is four and we decided that since it's been winter and she's been wearing tights and then come fall she's going to have to cover legs for school anyway, we might as well start having her cover her legs now so she gets use to them in different weather/she doesn't get confused by the break. She has been picky about which tights she wears in the past - specific stictching at the toes bother her, she prefers pattern tights and colorful ones over plain, etc. I try not to force anything uncomfortable and just encourage her I dress like a "big girl" and like how "mommy does." I completely understand why people do it at three so their daughters get use to it before they really can remember life without

gold21

Wed, Feb 22 2017, 7:32 pm

Tiredwithjust2 wrote:

I don't understand why 3 year olds would need to "get used" to tights.

Covering one's hair after marriage can be hard to acclimate to, but we don't cover before marriage to "get used to it".

Or, take men as an example. Three minyanim a day can be hard, when you're working long hours and exhausted. We don't send our little boys to minyan three times a day to "get used to it".

Adulting is hard work, tznius and all, but we should allow kids to be kids, and allow babies to be babies.

I've never forced hilchos muktza on my kids before they understood it. They acclimated to it naturally, I would say around the age of 5. We should allow habits to form naturally instead of forcing them.

Last edited by gold21 on Wed, Feb 22 2017, 7:36 pm; edited 1 time in total

gold21

Wed, Feb 22 2017, 7:38 pm

flowerpower wrote:

Gold, to each their own. Some hold that chinuch starts at age 3 and this is part of what they believe in. It's funny because in the summer when I give my preschooler socks she asks for tights.

I'm just asking why. What's the halachic reasoning? I am trying to understand it.

gold21

Wed, Feb 22 2017, 7:57 pm

das wrote:

Don't all kids wear tights in the winter? What's the great getting used to all about?

A lot of little kids wear pants in the winter until they go to big-girl school where there is a dress code.

Anyways, full disclosure- my daughter really likes her pretty Shabbos tights. Tongue Out

Some kids have no problem with tights. In the winter it's a good choice. In the summers it's a more controversial choice. But OP's daughter dislikes tights. Sad

That's where it becomes more of an issue.

Ahuva

Wed, Feb 22 2017, 8:14 pm

amother wrote:

She said the child finds them unconformable. So yes she did.

I was not aware that if an individual finds something uncomfortable, its a given that the person has sensory issues.
There are some things that are simply not comfortable for anyone, and others take getting used too.

mummiedearest

Wed, Feb 22 2017, 8:24 pm

op, tell your dh that he has never worn tights and doesn't know what he is talking about. alternatively, you could tell him that God gave women special intuition and that he would be wise to listen to it. nix the tights and don't feel bad about it. making your child miserable daily for something that is unnecessary is just cruel.

amother

Smokey

Wed, Feb 22 2017, 8:30 pm

I don't get it either. What could possibly be the objection to cotton leggings and socks? Much more opaque coverage, more breathable, stay up better. Even cotton tights still have lots of artificial fibres for stretch and the texture traps heat. Smooth cotton leggings are very cool, and much longer lasting.

I dress my kids in tights sometimes, especially in winter, but they stretch out, sag, and frankly, don't really cover their bottoms very well. As much as they like them for dressing up, for everyday I've switched to leggings and socks.

I have to say this is held up by my own experiences. I teach at a chassidish school and my grade 7, 8 and even 9 students are still in the habit of sprawling around while chatting or working... Let me say it would be much more modest if they were wearing cotton leggings. They are tznuis girls and much more dignified in "public," but still. Plus, like clockwork in May they cease to be able to function because they're sweating to death in opaque polyester tights. And since I have to follow their dress code, I'm dying right along with them. These are big girls... I can't imagine dealing with a bunch of 5 and 6 year olds.

amother

Jetblack

Wed, Feb 22 2017, 8:34 pm

Tiredwithjusttwo....im confused as you write that you find tights uncomfortable and you try for yourself to do with out ...but for your own child _( who will likely be just as hot sticky and uncomfortable in the summer.)..you are encouraging her to be big like mommy. Its great that your being positive with her but at the end of the day she will be hot and uncomfortable as well. In general with my parenting I treat my kids as I like to be treated. If I cant stand tights then I wont be "frum" and put it on my kid in 90 degree weather.... Please dont take this in a critical way...Im just pointing out your discrepancy. Hatzlacha! Very Happy

cuties' mom

Wed, Feb 22 2017, 8:37 pm

BIL decided he wanted his dd to only wear tights after she turned 3. My sister said no, so he called his rebbi and said, "I want my daughter to only wear tights once she's 3." His rebbi said, "I don't see why. My daughters all wear socks." My nieces all wear socks just like most other frum american non-chasidish girls.

seeker

Wed, Feb 22 2017, 8:52 pm

I have no problem in general with the idea of little kids wearing tights. I went to a high school that required tights, I thought it would be a disaster, but I got so used to it that it started to feel uncomfortable wearing anything else! So I see it working that way for a lot of kids too. And I think they look nice. As someone else said, little kids are always tumbling around on the playground so if you're going to do skirts you're going to need tights or leggings much of the time anyway.

However, in ALL things, parents need to use seichel especially with little kids. Having kids wear tights from 3 is a custom, a fine custom, but if it doesn't work for you it's not any kind of halacha. It's a three-year-old. If the kid hates it so much that it's a constant battle even after a couple of gentle attempts have been made with various styles/fabrics, put the whole thing on hold for a while. If you're in a community where this is the norm, wait until they're 5 or so and see all their friends in school wearing tights, and then bring it up again.

Fighting with kids over religious practices (especially ones they're not even obligated in) is about as foolish as it gets. This is as true for toddlers as it is for teens.

amother

Gold

Wed, Feb 22 2017, 9:09 pm

No I do not do this. But I think I am allowed to comment anyways. This post makes me incredibly agitated and upset. Do you seriously as a mother think it is normal to FORCE a 3 year old chid who probably has sensory issues, to wear tights?!I dont care how yeshivish your husband is, be logical use common sense. Only an absolute pedophile would look at a child s-xually at that age. Your child will have terrible associations with religion if you force ridiculous, Taliban like chumros on her. It is one thing if she is PROUD or even ok about it. Seriously, trust your gut. Your child needs you to protect her not enforce things that dont make sense at all.

Blessing1

Wed, Feb 22 2017, 9:55 pm

I can't believe all of you who make it sound like OP's DH is crazy. Every man has his chumras & this is a normal chumra that many people hold of. She asked for advice & not for an opinion on her husband. For all you know you might have caused her shalom Bayis issues.
I agree that together you should go talk to a rav. Maybe ask your DH if he would agree to thigh highs.
You should try out different companies till you find something she's comfortable in.